8/25    For soem reason, I find this headline funny:
        Dr. Kbler-Ross, Who Changed Perspectives on Death, Dies at 78

8/21    Family Guy marathon was awesome. Funny how the "musical" concept
        came up twice. I never watched this show before, but glad it's
        back. I'll have to watch it from now on. -me

8/20    I've been playing badminton for years but I didn't know it can be a
        funny sport:
        http://csua.org/u/8od
        \_ That's the new Badminton Dance competition, you silly.

8/16    Please munge the motd only when it's funny, and please restrict it
        to one inane thread at a time.  Thank you.
        \_ The problem is they think they *are* being funny when the munging
           is funny about 1 in 10 times.  Don't encourage them.

8/11    Sorry, this is so funny that it has to be copied to the top:
           \_ He only claimed one year, but it was still a lie, yes. Not
              as consequential as lying us into an illegitimate invasion
              and destroying America's soft power/credibility. LOACFAG.
                \_ At least it wasn't lying about getting blowjobs in the
                   oral, err, oval office.
        \_ [I have trimmed your post to make you look smarter.  Your welcome.]
           \_ [I have not corrected your misuse of your/you're to make you
               look dumber.  You're welcome.]

8/6     http://www.lowmorale.co.uk/creep/flash/lm_creep_(FLASH).swf
        From BB yesterday, just a cool flash animation.

7/31    [ no, see, you need to restore the entire thread. ]
        \_ Grow up you self-righteous little worm and stop seeing so called
           censorship everywhere.  It was a partial restore because that was
           what was easily extractable from the logs.  If you want to do
           better, then restore everything yourself.  It was clear this was
           not an ideologically driven edit.
           \_ I don't care whether it was ideologically driven, petty, or
              another kind of edit.  Whenever it happens, surrounding context
              will get nuked.  End of story.  Don't edit other people's shit.
              \_ Yep, temper tantrum.
              \_ Hey little worm, do you understand this is not a matter of
                 any "editing"...it's a matter of a best effort *restore*.
                 You are punishing the wrong person.  It probably isn't worth
                 my time to catch you doing this, but let's not beat around
                 the bush and pretend there is some principle in what you
                 are doing.
                 \_ No, *this* is the temper tantrum.
                    \_ No, this is aggrivation.
                       \_ And this is bad spelling.
        \_ Shrug.  Not my thread, not my posts.  I just restored as a public
           service.  Why don't you restore what I missed, if it means so
           much to you?  Don't know how to run rcs, do you?
           \_ Nuking all discussion as a response to partial deletes is much
              more effective than restores.
              \_ great, now we have an effective way to get rid of trolls
              \_ Gee, and I thought you were just a child throwing a temper
                 tantrum.
              \_ Nuking all discussion as a response to anything is stupid.
                 Restoring the damaged thread to an undamaged state immediately
                 and without comment is the best way to fight childish partial
                 deletes and the typical not-at-all-funny edits on the motd.
                 \_ Not all discussion, just the thread in question.  The
                    reasoning goes like this: any edit (except accidental ones)
                    whether ideological, joke, etc entails a lack of respect
                    for what the (edited) person had to say.  Why should that
                    person be singled out for said lack of respect?  Let's
                    apply it uniformly.  The environment we are shooting for is
                    "edit someone's post -> no one gets to have any more fun."
                    \_ You need to make a distinction between ideological
                       edits and partial restores because a thread was
                       "damaged" ... partial edits, then added to, then
                       partial restores etc ... which someone tries to
                       unideologically restore the bulk of rather than
                       leaving it truncated.
                       \_ I appreciate the attempt at public service, but
                          frankly, if you are just restoring a truncated
                          version then don't bother.  It has the same effect
                          as just leaving partial edits be.  I am not going to
                          let partial edits be.

7/28    EtherKiller:
        http://www.fiftythree.org/etherkiller  -John
        \_ so...this is more clever than just running around the office with
           a hammer breaking shit because it shows you can use a soldering iron?
        \_ isn't this more of a tool for pissed off users than IT?
        \_ Thank you, sehnen sich deutscher lebhaftJohn! HEIL!

7/22    Vote for your funniest/favourite past motd ever posted. I'll start:
        http://csua.com/?entry=32148
        \_ STFU, kchang
        \_ Wow.
        \_ http://csua.com/?entry=20799
        \_ http://csua.com/?entry=22105
        \_ http://csua.com/?entry=17597

7/19    Wow, Tom the Dancing Bug is funny for this first time in months!
        http://www.ucomics.com/tomthedancingbug/index.phtml
        \_ no it's not
           \_ Eh.  I chuckled when I read it.  For the last 2 or 3 months
              everytime I read the comic it only gave me kind of a vauge
              feeling of emabrasment for the author.
              \_ I find it very often funny. Vive la difference
              \_ so why do you waste your time?
                 \_ It's on my daily strips page.  He used to be VERY
                    funny every week, but recently he seems to have gotten
                    election fever.  He's more interested in being
                    anti-Bush that being interesting.
                    \_ Kind of like tom "i can't draw and I'm never funny, but
                       i'm too lazy and
                       stupid to write editorials" tomorow.
                       \_ No, I don't recall Tom Tommorow ever having been
                          funny.  He's always been an embarassment.

     __,,,----(::\::/:\:/:==@@@@@############@@@@@===\;;/;;);;);;)-----..____
                __\~/___\  /_\  /XX\~~/##\~~///_\ /\ /__\~~/_\/_
                         __   __ ,Z\V7V|HIH//..  _  _
                                  :\OVIVBV|v/:
                                   \V|ViI:i/
                                   ` ^'"`-' "
          - ------===;;;'====------------------===;;;===----- -  -
                                   <|i::|i|`.
                                    I;|.|.|
                                   \V|ViI:i/
                                 ,Z\V7V|HIH//..
                                  :\OVIVBV|v/:
                              ~~`-i########|--~~
                           //_(:_:_>'::::\ \\
                          (_(::::/::( ::::>::::::/)
                          /\ ::::::: :: / :::) :: \
                         |  (   \ :: / \ :  /     |
                          \        <      \   )  /
                           _\_,---(       ,    )
                            __,-~~\~~~~~~`---.

        \_ Stupid censor!  Please don't mess with my mushroom cloud!
           \_ He wants to nuke Australia.

7/16    The new official North Korean webpage!  Get your free email
        account!  Would someone mind making a csua account we all can use
        to read it?
        http://www.kcckp.net/external_e
        \_ bah! if you like dictators with web pages, check out this one:
           Qadhafi's official homepage.
           http://www.qadhafi.org
        \_ I don't find NK very funny.  -- ilyas
           \_ You don't find anything very funny.
              \_ These days it seems every anonymous motd macaque knows more
                 about me than I do myself. -- ilyas
                 \_ I think you're funny.
                    \_ Oh, I think ilyas is funny. I just don't think ilyas
                       finds anything funny. I think that's part of what
                       makes him funny.
        \_ Login/Pass: phillip/philspell  enjoy.  -John
           \_ Thanks! I heartily recommend Politics->Leader->KJ IL->Anecdotes
              \_ Goddamn!  It's as if Francis Fukuyama lost a third of his
                 brain and kept on writing!

7/11    jodt (joke of the day): firewall
        CHILD : Dad, where did I come from?
        DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!...... So why
        not now.  Now Listen.... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net.
        I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at
        the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick
        and when dad was ready to upload, We discovered that there was no
        firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just
        carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus
        appeared!
        \_ I will pay you to stop writing jokes. -williamc
        \_ I don't hate you as much as I hate the motd movie critic yet, but
           keep working on it.
        \_ I know a second grader wittier than you.
          \_ and I know a college drop out, bike/netrek fanatic wittier
             than you. w00t!
             \_ That was uncalled for...
        \_ this joke belongs to the "so bad, it's good" cathegory

6/27    The ultimate PB accessory:
        http://www.humanbeans.net/powerpizza/index.html
        \_ pizza box for your power book powerbook powerpizza notebook

6/16    http://slate.msn.com/id/2102299
        "The model for Garfield was Charles Schulz's Peanuts, but not the
        funny Peanuts of that strip's early years.  Rather, Davis wanted to
        mimic the sunny, humorless monotony of Peanuts' twilight years."
        \_ The man is dead.  Get over it.

5/23    Most uh de sucka's who listen t'hindi beat gots'ta listen t'it real
        loud t'let oders know on de street whut dey're listenin' be
        total coolness. It be really funny t'see White sucka's listen t'
        hindi beat cuz' a lot uh hindi beat says awful stuff about
        White sucka's in general. It be also real funny knowin' dat many
        White sucka's who listen t'dis beat mosey on down from Uppuh' Middle
        Class/Rich plantations. Shit mama, it be likes some tribal system in
        Africa, de sucka' wid de big-assga' drums git mo'e respect. Dat's de
        Black way, loud and obnoxious. ah' hate hindi culture.  What it is,
        Mama! On some nights when dose hindi listeners roll by o' stop some
        block waaay down makin' lots uh noise, ah' wish ah' had some snipuh'
        rifle and shoot da damn inconsiderate son uh a bitch and make him pay
        fo' noise pollushun. And if ya' nuke dis one mo'e time, ah' gots'ta
        start mah' retaliato'y 2 day total nuke campaign.
        'S coo', bro.              -hindi hater, not brother hater
        \_ Three words: "sound seeking missle"
        \_ They do it to annoy idiots like you.
        \_ Your statements "Shit mama, it's like a tribal system in Africa",
           "That's the Black way, loud and obnoxious." and "I wish I had a
           sniper rifle and shoot the inconsiderate son of a bitch" seem to
           contradict your byline "-hindi hater, not black hater".
        \_ Loud Harleys with modified pipes also suck.  I hate those things
           - !op (and (non-Harley) motorcycle rider)
           \_ Also known as a crotch/rice rocket or donor cycle.
              \_ Harley != crotch/rice rocket
              \_ crotch rockets are the high speed (usually) japanese
                 racing sport bikes.  These are usually fairly quite.  The
                 loud bikes are usually cruiser style American/British
                 bikes (or Japanese bikes made to copy that style.)

5/21    http://csua.org/u/7ef
        Aren't Right Wingers funny when they make fun of dead peace activists?
        \_ Aren't peace activists funny when they do something stupid and die?
           \_ no, actually, that's not funny at all.
        \_ I'm waiting for some self-identifying conservative to disavow this
           one the way I disavow myself from Ted Rall's frequent idiocy. I
           suspect it won't happen, actually. -- ulysses
                \_ I'm taken aback by the uproar considering most
                   leftists are also Darwinists.
           \_ You are a liberal?
             \_ That depends on who's asking. -- ulysses
        \_ I'm not sure what to disavow here.  This is tasteless and not
           funny.  One the other hand, it's just a crappy cartoon in a
           University rag.  It's not nationally syndicated, who cares?
           BTW, yes, I'm right wing, and I think what she did was stupid.
           Doesn't mean I don't think this comic is too.

5/20    http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose
        \_ I don't really mind, but why was this posted?
           \_ I just thought it was funny... I guess it's not really motd
              fodder though.
              \_ I think doonesbury is like slashdot.  motd'ers either read
                 it every day or choose not to because they're not interested.
                 (i read it every day.)
              \_ I guess it is kinda funny/sad that the funniest Doosbury
                 I've seen in years is a joke about a guy blinded in a
                 war.
                 \_ Are the dreams in which you're dying the best you've ever
                    had?
                    \_ No, but I do find it hard to tell you and I find it hard
                       to take.
                 \_ Nonono ... the funniest Doonesbury was when they were
                    quoting Bush Sr. on why it was a bad idea to invade Iraq.

5/17    Anyone know a guy named "Darin" who made a film about life in
        Soda a few years ago?  Mail me if you know how to contact him.
        Thanks. --jeffwong
        \_ try mailing darin@csua.
           \_ Nope, that's not me. --darin
              \_ Darin, who's Megan?  That's a great portfolio.
                 \_ I think the name McGill might be a hint.
                    \_ Sister, wife, or cousin? Believe me, a little detail
                       like this could avoid social awkwardness later on.
                    \_ Can I make a preemptive request to avoid yersister
                       jokes and just double up on yermom jokes? -!darin
                       \_ yermom likes doubling up.

5/8     Van Helsing: all action.  Literally, non-stop action.  There is almost
        no point in the movie where you aren't watching action or in the short
        setup to action.  Stick your tongue in cheek, ignore the few minor
        timeline and plot issues and enjoy the show.  I personally found it
        amusing that the female lead was doing all sorts of acrobatics in a
        tight, inflexible corset.  The cgi was excellent except for 2-3 brief
        shots.

5/5     JOTD:  What's your favorite geekish euphamism for taking a shit?
        \_ #2.
        \_ for taking a piss: "i have to go to the little physicist room."
           (obviously this is used among physicists, not computer scientists)
        \_ Nuking the motd.
           \_ I think I like this one the best.
              \_ Example usage: "I've got to go nuke the motd."
                 When someone knocks on the b-room door you can answer:
                 "Nuking the motd!"
        \_ Piping a log to the bit-bucket
        \_ what does jotd mean? Jewish Of the Day?
           \_ Joke Of The Day
        \_ Move the backups off-site
        \_ Downloading log files.
        \_ more! more! These are hilarious. surely the motd can generate
           some others.
           \_ Not now, I've got to go YERMOM.
        \_ Dumped core

427/    Funny: http://jelly.b3ta.com
        Also:  http://www.b3ta.co.uk
        \_ NWS, in case you hadn't guessed.

4/26    List your favorite South Park series:
                                      \_ You mean episode?  I have only 1
                                         favorite South Park series.
                                                \_ and what is that?
        \_ Chinpokimon
           \_ Chinpokomon.
        \_ Japanese Cartooned South Park (Butter's Eyes got poked out)
           \_ "Fun with Weapons"
        \_ Christian Rock (Cartman leads)
        \_ Mr. Jefferson (Michael Jackson)
        \_ Casa Bonita
        \_ Mecha-Streisand
        \_ Scott Tennorman Must Die

4/22    Work safe and a bit odd:
        http://www.rathergood.kewlio.net/flash/crab.swf  -John
        \_ This seems very Swiss to me.
           \_ No--if it were, it would be very artistic and unfunny. -John
           \_ actually it sounds Russian doesn't it?
              \_ Austrian maybe. But the site is hosted in the UK, so it is
                 probably British.
                 \_ it's by the WE LIKE THE SUBS guy
                 \_ It's by Joel Veitch.  Go to the original site:
                    http://www.rathergood.com
                    The Punk Kittens made the rounds a couple of years ago.
                    \_ Joel Veitch lives in London.

4/20    YA Unfortunate Headline: Gay Clergyman to Hold England Church Post
        http://csua.org/u/6z8 [yahoo.com]
        \_ If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of
           them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to
           death; their blood shall be upon them.
           \_ Do you plan on enforcing all the Old Testament laws now?
              \_ The simple execution of everyone working on the Sabbath
                 will suffice, and William Hung too.
                 \_ This is exactly the kind of attitude that will
                    destabilize the Middle East for years to come.
           \_ It's a joke boy. <Slap> A joke! "Gay Hold Post" Get it? Sigh.
              \_ A really bad joke, you mean.
              \_ Yeah I got the joke. I just thought an apropos excerpt
                 from the holy Word would be a nice addition.

4/16    Please god make it stop:
        http://members.chello.nl/rwestdorp/fun/soundrecorder.swf
        \_ That's incredible.  I will kill you now.

4/13    President's personal copy of August 6th, 2001 PDB:
        http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2004/images/pdb2.jpg

4/8     Live chicken cam!  Ask him to do something and he does it!
        http://www.subservientchicken.com

4/1     http://www.google.com/jobs/lunar_job.html  -John
        \_ That's hilarious. What do you think they are going to do with
           with people who actually reply to that? I'm tempted to try just to
           find out.
           \_ Don't waste your time.  I already applied and got an offer back
              this afternoon.  Now that I'm hiring manager for the new center,
              I'll be taking new applications for drones in a few weeks.  I
              need someone to test experimental oxygen tanks and space walk
              suits.  Any experience in those areas?
        \_ i liked their pigeon-assisted technology one from last year better.
           \_ TCP/IP Over Avian Carrier
              \_ no, http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html

3/31    In Soviet Russia, noun verbs YOU!
        \_ why do some of you bring slashdot 'humor' to the motd?  it isn't
           funny there, it's even less funny here.

3/15    Frickin' hilarious.
        http://homepage.mac.com/howheels/rubb.html

        Also, make your own quasi rap intro:
        http://lisupras.com/wooo.html

3/9     Did anyone ever come up with a url for a recording of that
        Chapelle segment "if the internet was a place" ?
        \_ yes, i did.  should be in the archive
           \_ Any change of getting a local copy in /csua/tmp ?
              -- streamng-impaired
        \_ That was a miserably stupid bit.
           \_ The number of humor-impaired people on motd never cease to amaze.
                \_ humor is subjective.  That bit was only very mildly funny.
                   \_ yeah, certainly not among his funniest bits

02/26   Some of you have probably seen this before, but I think it's
        pretty funny.  -John
        http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/pink5
        \_ Very nice.  Well worth the repost.
        \_ It's on http://shockwave.com.  Go post there if you care.

2/11    Hey AMC, are you back?  motd is funny again. THANK YOU!  -AMC #1 fan
        \_ It's a quiet time at my company.  I toss in something here and
           there when I can.  -AMC

2/3     http://paulfear.com/pics/omgwtf.jpg
        \_ NSFW --wall
           \_ ?
              \_ Not Safe For Work.
                 \_ dude, the acronym's NWS
                    \_ dude, you are wrong
                    \_ National Weather Service?
        \_ Funny yet very deeply disturbing.

2/3     Funny in a really stupid poorly done random drunken sort of way:
        http://www.cgff.net/nuke1/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=1
        And no, not work safe.
        \_ No, not really.
           \_ You weren't drunk enough.

1/28    kinda like that monkey swatting thing:
        http://meph.eu.org
        \_ Looks like the same thing that was floating around before,
           but with different variables so the distances are longer.

1/6     Actually amusing
        http://sublimedirectory.com/mow.htm
        \_ Background story?

12/29   Alright, who wants to start a collection to buy this thing as
        a Christmas present for ilyas?
        http://csua.org/u/5e3
        \_ who is ilyas, why is it for ilyas, and why is it funny?
           \_ A motd without stupid in-jokes is like a soda without a csua.
        \_ I don't like ilyas well enough to help buy him that thing.
        \_ Maybe because ilyas won't listen to Reason?
           \_ THANK YOU LORD.  SOMEONE GOT THE JOKE.
              \_ I'm sorry, but what does a reference to Snowcrash have to
                 do with ilyas?
                 \_ On that note, any opinions on Neal's latest? I have one
                    friend who says it's mainly a slog.

12/23   http://www.sauceonrice.com/fenslerfilms
        \_ GI Joe "and knowing is half the battle" clips re-edited.  Very
           funny.
        \_ BODY massage.
           \_ Great catch, blanco nino!  Too bad you got SAAAAAAAAAACKED.

12/18   That's got to be pretty funny.
        There was an MSN Today link to an article titled "Stress=longer life?
        Study says brief exposure to stress may actually help protect cells
        in the body against damage".  I click on it, and get "No Such Link",
        in big fat letters.
        \_ They're trying to help you live longer.
        \_ this is a theory advanced to explain why living at low temperatures
           causes increase in drosophylia life span, and why eating low-cal
           diets causes increases in life span in mutiple lab animals.

11/26   How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog was a very good movie rental-- along
        the lines of Adaptation, but funnier and not so strange.
        \_ This coming from someone who thought Adaptation was "strange"

11/18   Attention Anonymous Motd Comic!  Have you been working the motd
        lately?  I haven't seen anything funny in the last couple of weeks.
        Thanks.  -AMC #1 fan
        \_ sorry, busy working.  it's the season.  its hard to be funny
           when you're working your ass off and falling asleep by 10pm
           every night.  glad to know you're out there.  i'll be back!  -AMC

11/12   From last year but still funny,
        http://satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml
        \_ Why is it funny besides being false?  Canada does have Maritime
           Command.
            \_ umm, no shit.  Even if i didn't know that before reading
               this very funny spoof, i would have known it afterwards.
               It is not at all "false" in the way you mean.
               This piece would not be near as funny if it wasn't TRUE.
               You are a bit dense. -phuqm
            \_ Wow, go back to the store and buy some humor pills.  You're
               really fucking stiff.
               \_ and/or Canadian. I think the ob/gyns up there fasten the
                  chips on their shoulders at birth.
                  \_ Those are maple chips^H^H^H^H leaves, eh.

11/12   I'm getting bored. Can we have a special link of the day section in
        say, motd.joke, containing links to jokes, interesting pictures,
        proverbs, quotes from famous people, sick pictures, etc? Thanks.
        \_ It's commonly referred to as the wall.
           \_ wall is 95% irrelevant trash.
              \_ and doesn't have that many links, jokes, etc, anyway -!op
        \_ http://csua.org/u

11/10   Love Actually is a pretty funny love comedy and at times it pokes
        fun of US Policy and its President who bullies the Prime Minister.
        Is this a sentiment currently shared by most of the Brits?
        \_ I think most of the Europeans, including the Brits, excluding
           Blair, hold an utmost disdain for GWB.
           Blair, hold an upmost disdain for GWB.
        \_ There are many cartoons of Blair as a poodle that Bush pulls
           around on a chain.
           \_ There is one cartoon which was copied and cloned.  A cartoon is
              not a reflection of the populace's general opinion.  It's a
              cartoon.
              \_ You could say the same thing about a popular mp3 on kazaa.
                 This one sounds more like a theme that resonates with people
                 and editors.  Your boy Blair is Little Lord Georgy's poodle.
                 \_ He isn't my boy.  I'm not British and I don't care at all
                    how Blair is portrayed in their own media.  And yes I would
                    say the exact same thing about a 'popular' mp3 on kazaa.
                    The music fad of the week among a tiny sub cult of music
                    listeners is not representative of the general population's
                    tastes or opinions on anything.

11/2    This is pretty funny, hope it doesn't offend the HMC
        http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf
        \_ HMC?
           \_ Humorless Motd Censor

10/30   Can someone re-post (or email me) the URL for that Japanese-version of
        the Matrix? (the hilarious clip of two guys playing ping-pong?)
        Thanks a million! - jthoms
        \_ grep the archives. Luckily, no dummy used the URL-shortener
           on it: http://www.ntv.co.jp/channel/asx/hkzkt10.asx
           \_ flash version: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pingpong.php

10/29   The ORIGINAL Neil Armstrong moon landing tape (NSFW)
        http://www.blogjam.com/neil_armstrong
        \_ Okay, that was really funny.

9/29    This is amusing
        http://rtnl.org.uk/words/20020715-hugecrush_com.shtml  -John
        \_ why?
        \_ It's amusing to me because the only new mail in my inbox is a spam
           from that company.  (but I'm married and wasn't going to click on the
           mail anyway)
           \_ If you weren't married, would you click?
              \_ No, I was just trying to avoid the inevitable jokes.

9/3     http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2002710430903.gif
        Today's dilbert is pretty funny.  -vegan guy
        \_ We have the opposite problem. No vegans, but people can't decide
           where to go eat.
           \_ Sheesh.  It's simple.  If you're with a group of people,
              take charge and go eat where YOU want to eat.  You might
              as well make yourself happy if no one else has an opinion.

2/13    http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz
        \_ Posted to motd for the 3rd time in as many months

8/3     [jesus propaganda censored]
        \_ "Jeesus Loves You - So Stop Mocking Him!"
        \_ you moron, it was a joke.  a *joke*, son, dontcha get it?  it was
           *funny*, son!  you were supposed to *laugh*, not come on here
        \_ "Jeesus Loves You - So Stop Mocking Him!"
           censoring shit you didn't read and looking like an *idiot*!  son.
           \_ yhbt. fucker.
              \_ why do anonymous people try to save face?  it wasn't a
                 troll, you're just an idiot for deleting a good link.
                 \_ I was implying that the deleter was a troll, not the
                    original poster.  and the fuckers who use the "son"
                    language all the time are typically among the most useless
                    and annoying on the motd, which is why i correctly
                    identified you as a stupid fucker.
                    \_ useless to you only because the truth hurts, SON.
                 \_ You know...it's not THAT hard to restore.  If it matters
                    so much, just fuckin' restore it and be done with the
                    censoring weenie.
                    \_ if it was just deleted, sure, but to say it was
                       deleted because it was something it wasn't?

7/10    Matrix Ping Pong.
        http://www.ntv.co.jp/channel/kasoh/kin10.html --chucky
        \_ that was actually quite amusing.
           \_ no, it was really fucking funny and quite clever too.  thanks
              for the URL, chucky!
        \_ Any urls for the actual .wmv?  (non mms://)
           \_ I put a copy I got on bittorrent in /csua/tmp (pingpongmatrix.wmv).
              I'm deleting it in a few days though, so get it now if you want it.
           \_ I put a copy I got on bittorrent in /csua/tmp
              (pingpongmatrix.wmv).  I'm deleting it in a few days though, so
              get it now if you want it.
              \_ danke
                \_ double danke.  That kicks ass.
        \_ http://www.ntv.co.jp/channel/kasoh/kin08.html is also impressive.
           \_ but their timing was a little off.  I thought the one with a
              \_ It isn't CGI... These are actual people.  Grow up.
                 \_ I was being nice with the "little off" phrase.  Take
                    a look at the ball shadow when she bounces it off the
                    wall.  Timing's way off that it's rather distracting.
                    Stop assuming it's immature to be critical of something.
                    \_ That's not "critical".  It's picky.
              mirror wasn't so bad considering most of it was done by kids.
              Can anyone who speak Japanese tell me what the hell those three
              kids in white were doing?
              \_ possibly: which number was it?
        \_ This is a regular show in Japan and one of the best.  Thank you
           so much for posting that-- expect to see it in the Fwd cycle
           in the next few days. --erikred
        \_ So umm, do you guys find that laugh-out-loud funny? I don't see
           what's so great about it. Mildly amusing at best.
           \_ Can you not appreciate the skill involved in such a performance?
           \_ Yes.  It was laugh out loud funny.  Maybe you prefer pie in the
              face humor?

6/11    http://www.unready.net (Just take a look)
        \_ work safe?
           \_ Only if your boss doesn't mind you laughing at your desk.
              \_ Mind if I ask where the funny part is?
                 \_ Oh, you already know what I'm gonna say to that...
        \_ A much funnier version of the same idea:
           http://www.uspoliticsforum.com/emergency

5/29    Dear MOTD censor:
        Why did you censor the Phil thread?  It was funny.
        \_ Censors have a limited sense of humor.  If it isn't funny to them,
           then it isn't funny.  Right?

4/14    Does anyone here happen to have sources for the uclink/uclink2
        (and maybe uclink3?) menu system?  I thought it might be funny to
        have it around just for laughs..

3/25    Hey, since they killed some Americans and show it on TV aren't we
        supposed to be pulling out now like in Somalia?
        \_ There's no rapist in teh white house, a DUI, yes.
        \_ This isn't funny.
           \_ Was it supposed to be funny?
        \_ Not yet. Somalians are Africans. Iraqis are not. Plus there has
              \_ obwittyrepartee
        \_ Not yet. Somalians are Africans without oil. Plus there has
              Not a back exchange.
           been no dragging and desecration of the bodies yet.
           \_ It's ok, US killed 1000 Somalians during the firefight.
              Not a bad exchange.
              \_ It's not an exchange.  It's a loss.
              \_ 1 American life is worth more than any number of Somali lives.
                 The problem with the Somalia fiasco is we turned tail and ran
                 instead of going in there with heavy tanks and killing every
                 last one of those fuckers so once again Carter-style the US
                 looks like a paper tiger and invites every two bit asshole
                 with a few bucks, a grudge, and a gun to kill more Americans.

1/17    Funny band name: Camper Van Beethoven"
        \_ I've actually heard some of their songs

12/13   Venona: Decoding Soviet Espionage
        http://www.johnearlhaynes.org/page5.html
        \_ This is the most informative link the motd has seen in a long time.
        \_ This book has been out for years. You just discovered it?
           \- what do you think? is there a point to this comment beyond a
              smug, self-satisfied "arent i clever"? it's one thing to say
              "i've heard that joke before" when someone is telling you a
              joke. when they are telling it to 5 people, blurting that out
              tells people you are socially deformed.
              \_ I agree.  Hey, Smug Bastard, report to L&S for immediate
                 extermination.

12/4    All banned topics removed.  -MCP
        \_ Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Get the humanoid. The humanoid
           must not escape.
        \_ it's funny how reiffin has gone from trying to make the motd
           useless by endless trolling, to trying to make it useless by
           random deletion of live topics.  -tom
           \_ you'd know all about censorship.  and it's never funny.
           \_ I've been in favor of a mandatory non-anonymous motd for a long
              time.  That way hypocrites like yourself wouldn't be able to
              falsely slam me and we'd get to see how much you're really
              adding or deleting without being able to hide yourself.  I'd
              like to know how you figure it was me when there were about 6 of
              us editing the motd in rapid succession.  I've written several
              scripts to track usage but I can't track that kind of activity.
              Since you're (once again) wrong, I know you can't either.-reiffin
              \_ soda-~-20:41-117>finger reiffin
                 finger: reiffin: no such user
                 ???

11/13   I thought this is really funny:  ~john/innerstrength.txt  -John

10/4    woman loses car in puddle. hilarious photos:
        <DEAD>www.minca.cz/suzuki<DEAD>
        \_ Staged.
           \_ OP is a freshman, let him enjoy the 'hilarity'.  It's harmless.
              \_ You've obviously never seen what "puddle" can entail
                 given a sufficiently poorly-maintained piece of road in
                 eastern europe. Yes, this may well be real, and it may well
                 have been beyond everyone's control. Removal of head
                 from ass is left as an exercise to the above poster.
           \_ Its still funny.
              \_ One of the 'stupid link sending' idiots in the office sent
                 that around a few days ago.  It wasn't funny then either.
           \_ I think it is great, not staged, and very funny. what a puddle.
              beware if you can't see the road ahead.
              \_ So true, so true.  It's a metaphor for life really.
                \_ So what actually happened?  Why were they trying to
                   sink a car?
        \_ not stupid, not staged... my friend's friend sent me the link,
           and he said the woman was his mom's friend.          - OP
           \_ Bullshit.
           \_ Right.  Your friend's friend's mom's friend.
                \_ Like one of those 682 degrees of separation things....
        \_ That's a puddle?

9/28    Gives a whole new meaning to the concept of "being on the hotseat".
        http://csua.org/u/32b   <DEAD>-story.news.yahoo.com<DEAD> -urld
        \_ THis story is about weapons grade uranium being smuggled through
           Turkey.  Iraq borders on turkey.
           \_ Damn, do you mean... No, it can't be! Is that bastard Saddam
              trying to sneak all the uranium out of his country before
              the UN inspectors arrive?
              \_ It probably won't seem quite so funny when the *port* of
                 Oakland goes up in a mushroom cloud....
                 \_ I hereby give you permission to say "I told you so" when
                    this happens.  I hereby also give you notice that I'm
                    calling TIPS on your ass then, too, MotdTerrorist.
                    \_ Wow you're really funny.  It's always a good idea to
                       make light of a serious situation.  That way you impress
                       your friends with your bravado, get a false sense of
                       security, and get to feel really clever all at the same
                       time!  Wanna hook up?  You're cute!
                       \_ If it makes you happy to spout doom and gloom
                          scenarios without providing some shred of evidence
                          as to the feasibility of said scenarios, then the
                          least you can do is expect people to take the piss
                          out of you for doing so.  And don't point to the 50
                          page Blair Witch Dossier as evidence unless you want
                          to be made light of some more.
                          \_ Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
                          \_ Yeah 33 lbs of weapons grade uranium on it's way
                             to...?  No evidence of anything funny going on.
                             Don't worry at all about that smoke smell if you
                             can't see the fire.
                             \_ Christ, are you the reactionary apple gravity
                                guy?  You really need to take a vacation or
                                something.

9/6     Dear H0zer, please stop editing other people's posts.  If you want to
        reply, feel free, but editing their statements isn't funny and only
        fucks up the thread.  If it offends you that much, just do us all a
        favor and delete it instead.  Thanks.
        \_ that would be paolo, stop insulting H0Z3R

8/21    links or w3m?
        \_ is this like the hooker, santa claus, and easter bunny joke?
           \_ What's that joke?
           \_ I typed it but it does not work
        \_ definitely w3m.
        \_ Or lynx?
        \_ telnet foo 80 ; GET /

6/16    SEVEN SINS is a theatrical experience somewhere
        between performance art and stand-up comedy. At each performance
        seven performers take the stage for ten minutes a piece to tell the
        audience an autobiographic and funny story. All of the stories in
        each show are loosely tied to one of the seven deadly sins: ENVY,
        GREED, PRIDE, LUST, SLOTH, WRATH and GLUTTONY. For instance, opening
        night will feature LUST. The cast and the sin change with each show,
        although some performers repeat. On the eighth and ninth
        performances, we'll encore the best performances in two shows
        recapping all of the sins.  Running time is approximately 70 minutes
        - no intermission.  All performance will be held at Venue 9.
        LUST (June 9th), ENVY (June 16th), GREED (June 23rd),
        SLOTH (June 30th), PRIDE (JULY 7th), WRATH (JULY 14th) and GLUTTONY
        (JULY 21st)
        \_ FLATTULENCE (every day)

5/15    I just realized that I've been on soda for more than 10 years.
        Still trolling the motd.  The funny thing is, there are people who
        has been around even longer and they're still trolling the motd.
        \_ No, what's funny is that there are people who have been around
           longer who are still falling for your trolls!
           \_ yes, that's the funny thing.
           \_ No I'm not...Doh!

5/14    Do you find any spams amusing at all?
        \_ Do you find any of those bozos on Telegraph who shove those
           fliers into your face amusing at all?

5/6     Maybe I'm just a humorless twit or something but I can't figure out
        why some people think it's funny to edit other people's posts to
        change the meaning.  Is there *really* something funny about changing
        gender everywhere in a thread or changing someone's political comments
        instead of simply replying to them?  Am I missing out on some really
        great joke or is it just the mark of the weak minded and childish as
        I believe?
        \_ I'm sorry, did I interrupt your incredibly important
           and relevant why don't girls give me fucking blowjobs
           while I sit on my computer all day discussion?  So sorry!
           Maybe you should ask Eric Raymond for some dating tips
           at his CSUA sponsored lecture in Soda Hall this afternoon.
           \_ You're not getting it.  It has nothing at all to do with the
              content you're editing.  I want to know *why* you'd edit *any*
              content you didn't write and what you feel you're getting out
              of it.  No need to be so defensive.

5/4     Online petition to rename LOTR pt2 the Two Towers to
        "something less offensive":
        http://www.petitiononline.com/twotower
        \_ this is one of the stupidist things i've seen in a long time.
        \_ "I think a good alternate title would be 'Saruman's Axis of Evil'"
        \_ Geez, you people are such wimps these days. Yes, Tolkien
           and the director are obviously referring to WTC. Get a life.
           \_ yeah I think we should also have a petition against the San
              Antonio Spurs, so that their star players are simply called
              "Duncan and Robinson" instead of the "Twin Towers"
           \_ wow, tolkien fan telling someone to get a life.  now that's
              rich.
           \_ Uh, I don't think it's a serious petition.  Have you seen the
              signatures?
              \_ I'm not going to bother reading the link but its gotta be a
                 joke.
                 \_ If you think "its gotta be a joke", you have a lot to
                    learn about how stupid people can be.  Obviously most of
                    the signers are not serious, but the original poster?
                    I wouldn't bet my first born one way or the other. What i
                    i want to know is what all the "false entry voided"s said.
           \_ "they have no sensitivity, i wont even let my two twin kids
              stand next to each other out of respect for 9/11"

4/29    This would be almost funny if it wasn't so fucked up.  Catholic
        Cardinal blames 6 year old boy for being molested.  Just fucking
        amazing....
        http://www.boston.com/dailyglobe2/119/metro/An_alleged_victim_is_called_negligent+.shtml
        \_ The _really_ sad thing...  The boy probably blames himself, too.
        \_ Why is this surprising Boston is among the most liberal cities
           in the US.  Reap what you sow.

4/21    This isn't a joke (regardless of how funny it is):
        <DEAD>members.truepath.com/objective/propaganda.html#APPLE<DEAD>
        \_ disgusting is what it is.
        \_ It's a joke, son, relax.
           \_ In what sense? I laughed out loud reading it but the guy appears
              dead serious.
        \_ http://uptime.netcraft.com/up/graph/?host=members.truepath.com
           Damn I hoped they were running *BSD.
           \_ Why would you care if some nutters were running their nutter site
              on a version of unix you've never used?
           \_ Linux still has "demons". I'm going to go out on a limb
              and say that Linux also has more goth and pagan developers
              and users than BSD. I wonder what they would make of that.

4/19    Mildly amusing flash animation:
        http://www.lebonze.co.uk/stuff/move.htm
        \_ That was pretty cool.
        \_ neat.

4/6     Spring back.
        \_ fall foward.
                \_ summer both.
                   \_ winter neither.
        \_ That's "spring FORWARD."  Kids these days...
           \_ Hey Gramps, the original post was altered.
              \_ Back in my day, we didn't have humor.  We had treebark.
                 Whenever someone would tell a joke we'd throw treebark at
                 them.  And we liked it.  We loved it. -geordan
                 \_ I remember treebark.  That was great until the eco whacky
                    nut PC freaks came along and made us stop tossing bark.
                    "Save the bark for the children!" they said.  But we were
                    the children.  I'm still bitter about that.
        \_ lousy farmers.
        \_ Fall forward. That way you can stop your fall with your hands.
           If you fall back, you might crack open your skull.
        \_ Daylight savi--zzz--huh, uh what?

4/4     Pretty funny.
      http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/industry/04/04/canada.gates.reut/index.html
        Listen to the sexy radio broadcast.

4/3     pointless middle east politiking removed - funny stuff retained:
        \_ Uh yeah, whatever.  Maybe we should gather at Sproul and have a
           rally or a sit-in for peace and send good vibes around the world.
           Hey, are you 420?  Let's get together!

4/3     Joke of the day.

   It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to
   know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did
   for a living.

   The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a
   postman."

   The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

   It was then little Johnny's turn and he said "My name is Johnny and my
   father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

   The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the school
   yard, the teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was
   really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.

   Little Johnny blushed and said, "Nah, he's really an auditor for
   Arthur Andersen, but I was just too embarrassed to say so."

4/2     is there any http://adcritic.com-like site around these days?
        \_ It's coming back soon; it got some sponsor
        \_ ifilm is kind of like it, not as good, but some of the same stuff
        \_ If you're looking for funny shorts, check out
                http://www.thelonelyisland.com
           I find it hilarious... but maybe just because this guy is a
           friend of mine.              - rory
           \_ NYC jewish rappers (Beastie Boys) >> LA jewish rappers.
              \_ I think the key difference is that Beastie Boys are
                 for real and these guys are basically a joke
              \_ I think the real difference is between othodox and reform jews.

4/1     What's the difference between king, emperor and monarch?  Thx.
        \_ A king rules through a hierarchy of fiefdoms where lesser lords
        pledge their allegiance to the king.  A monarch is a king/queen who
        declares his/her sovereign right to rule as a God-granted right through
        his/her lineage and must usually have the support of the church in
        addition to the feudal
        lords.  An emperor is one who conquers his territory and appoints
        governors to rule over the newly conquered territory.
           \_ Thanks!!  That's very helpful.
           pledge their allegiance to the king.  A monarch is a king/queen
           who declares his/her sovereign right to rule as a God-granted
           right through his/her lineage and must usually have the support
           of the church in addition to the feudal lords.  An emperor is
           one who conquers his territory and appoints governors to rule
           over the conquered territory.
           [ reformatted - motdformatd ]
           \_ Thanks!!  That's very helpful.  Either I was never taught this
              in history class or I've forgotten it all.
                 \- i dont think that is really accurate. they are
                    operationally somewhat generic terms now. --psb
                    \_ Besides emperor psb, how is emperor a term in use now?
                       \- If her horny feet protrude, they come
                          To show how cold she is, and dumb.
                          Let the lamp affix its beam.
                          The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.
                                   --wallace stevens, courtesy of psb
        \_ The first is a lion, the second a penguin, the third a butterfly.
           \_ Who are you? That was fucking funny. Identify yourself so
              you can be entered into the MOTD Funny People List. -your #1 fan
              \- yeah i thought that was good too. --psb
                 \_ yeah now it's starting to get unfunny. was funnier b4.

04/732  http://rushvaportrails.com
        album out may 14th.  tour in june.  If its an april fools joke
        I'm going to kill someone.
        \_ I think the april fool's joke is that people still listen to
           Rush.

3/27    Today's silly joke:

        A grasshopper was bouncing down the sidewalk when he jumped into a
        bar, hopped across the floor, and leapt up on top of a bar-stool.

        The bartender leaned over toward him and said, "Hey! We have a drink
        named after you!"

        The grasshopper replied, "Really? You have a drink named Steve?"
        [dont fuck with my stolen joke, post your own stolen joke]
        \_ I don't get it.
           \_ It's ok.
           \_ It's not worth getting.
           \_ Try the obvious. Do a Google search on "grasshopper" and "drink"

2/28    http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0228boxing28-ON.html
        Tonya Harding vs. Amy Fisher.  3 rounds of boxing on a Fox special.
        I'm not sure who came up with this but it might be funny seeing a
        psycho WT athlete beat the crap out of the wenchy WT psycho chick.
        \_ I forgot, but what did Amy Fisher do to get herself in jail,
           and what did she do in jail?
        \_ What's "WT"?

2/15    for all you searle haters.  ucb.class.phil132 apparently is a newsgroup
        on <DEAD>agate.berkeley.edu<DEAD> that is almost never used for the class.  It
        would it amusing to have it filled with anti-searle _logical_ arguments
        \_ is there any point?  does anyone whose opinion matters actually
           take this guy seriously?  i heard him speak once with a panel
           of real people, and it was kind of a fucking joke that he was even
           there.
           \_ He is too an opinion leader. He is almost as smart as Rush
              Limbaugh.
              \_ 3 things: What does "He is too an opinion leader" mean in
                 English?  Have you ever listened to RL or are you just
                 repeating random spew?  What qualifications do you have to
                 judge another's intelligence or ability after your own
                 demonstration of inability?
                 \_ He has an opinion and will only shut up about it if
                    he is unconscious, dead, or with yermom.
                    \_ The last is not true.  He was with mymom only last
                       night and was still going off about how briliant he is
                       right there in the middle of his 15 minute time slot!

1/28    what are some funny or messed up ways to die?
        \_ http://www.darwinawards.com
        \_ http://www.asylumeclectica.com/malady/archives/harlequin.htm - danh
           \_ You are a braver man than I, danh.  I closed that page pretty
              darn quick.

1/23    What's wrong with blinfolding those Al Qaida captives at Guantanamo?
        We're just trying to protect their eyesights from the tropical sun
        since they used to spend their lives in caves.
        \_ Finally... someone who understands their plight... and of course
           the shackles on their hands and feet are because they are used
           to such an oppresive regime.
           \_ Are you saying we shouldn't even tie up their hands and feet?  I
              thought we're talking about prisoners here.
              \_ Uhm... It was a joke.  It was a joke replying to a joke.  This
                 whole thread and everything on it is a joke.  Relax.  Let it
                 go.  Be at peace.
        \_ The problem is that the blindfolds were made by child slave labor in
           Asia by Nike.  Why must you ask the obvious on the motd?  ObGoogle.
        \_ at least we don't cut off their hands, whip them
           and topple stone walls on top of them. - danh
           [moved. was misplaced]
        \_ Yea, they deserved it.  It's good to see US more and more like
           Singapore.  Detention without trial is necessary for those
           terrorist bastards, just like for Singapore's commie bastards.
           I say, humiliate them and let them rot in some island prison like
           Guantanamo or Sentosa for our entertainment.  We used to
           complain and complain about Singapore's Internal Security Act
           (detention without trial).  It's good to see that we are coming
           to our senses now that we are facing a real threat ourselves.
           \_ I hope you are detained and tortured without a trail.
              \_ without a trail, he'll need to use his orienteering skills!

1/10    Funniest OS Shootout I've seen:
        http://www.screamingbanana.com/AUwhichplatform.shtml
        \_ This is not funny.  At all.
           \_ Fuck off, asshole. If you don't have anything useful to say,
              \_ Try not to lose your temper. - not original poster
        \_ "Windows: Famous for stranding billion-dollar battleships at sea."
           Is this real?  Any URL for news articles?  Thx.

1/2     CIA torture methods. http://www.msnbc.com/news/680832.asp
        \_ What's special about the film Glitter that's useful for the CIA?
           I've never seen it.
           \_ Uhm, it's a joke.  Nevermind.
              \_ Oh, I thought MSNBC is a real news only site.  Nevermind.
                 \_ Perhaps you ought to have been clued in by the fact that
                    the guy is described as a humorist, and that he's
                    described as having won the Dot-Comedy Award for Best
                    Humor Columnist.  That, and the fact that the article is
                    FUCKING ABSURD (but, imho, hilarious).  Work on your
                    clue, grasshopper.  Train harder.
                    \_ I didn't even read that.  I just needed to learn to read
                       through *everything* in the page.

12/21   So how did that craigslist pick-up meeting go?
        \_ I actually went with a friend hoping to see a bunch of dufuses
           walking in with flowers or something... but no one came...
           except us... in which case... maybe we were the butt of the
           joke. But other than that, nothing eventful.
        \_ hey did you see me walk in?  i'm really bald right now - danh
           \_ I don't think I did. I was having coffee over on the left
              side if you're facing the cash register.          - rory
              \_ i walked in with a couple of girls, we had some coffee
                 and then left to watch THE WORLD'S MOST BORING
                 MOVIE i mean the man who wasn't there - danh
        \_ what was this?  the posting was removed by the time I visited the
           link.
           \_ Three words: "Sexual Scavenger Hunt". I would have saved a
              copy if I'd known it was going to get pulled down so fast.
           \_ Someone claiming to be females and frisky posted that interested
              guys should show at a particular Berkeley cafe last night between
              certain hours and that "the right guy" was going to get laid a
              lot over the holidays.  The poster didn't give a physical
              description and basically setup the world's desperate men to
              show up looking stupid and desperate as part of some sick joke.
              I showed early, found the girl and left by 7:25.
              \_ "Someone claiming to be females" ... "I showed early, found
                  the girl" ... Dude, you need to get your story straight.
                  \_ Uh, dude, go to "humor store".  Buy humor.  Use.  It was
                     a very small and simple and obvious joke.  And the plural
                     on 'female' was simply a typo.  Relax, try some valium.
                     Here's a big hint: I wasn't there, it was a joke.  You
                     got that all figured out now?
              \_ Damn! I got there too late. Will I find anyone out there
                 who will wuv me?
                 \_ Even he showed up lat, I left with the girl at
                    7:07. He must have left with some other chick.
                    \_ ...and?
                    \_ We saw the girl you left with.  We laughed about it
                       just before we fucked like it was the end of the world.

11/28   A joke at http://sickjokes.about.com/library/blsex6.htm
        "A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be
        Siamese twins, ......"
        I can't seem to recognize the humor.  Can someone tell me why this joke
        is funny?
        \_ Nothing more to it than the fact that they were highly distinctive
           and they're worried that they'd be just another faceless bimbo the
           guy's had. Yeah, it ain't funny.
           \_ So that "trombone in the corner" isn't part of the humor, right?
              I thought that may refer to the guy's manhood and that somehow
              fits in the joke and makes it funny.
              \_ It makes the experience more memorable.
        \_ It's the three countrymen talking about their wives joke that I
           don't get. Curtain. Huh?
          \_ You don't see why wiping cum on your wife's clean curtains
             would "drive her wild" ==> piss her off immensely?
             \_ Oh. Ok. I get it. Ha ha.

10/27   I hate to say it, but you guys are not presenting any good evidence of
        worthwhile, anonymous motd posts. be more funny!
        \_ I agree with Paul.
           \_ I agree with RuPaul.
           \_ I agree with Austin 3:16.
                \_ Is that Paul guy dead yet, or am I being optimistic?

10/16   Ginger or Marianne?
        \_ Mary Ann?
        Corky Romano or Zoolander?
        Coke or Pepsi?
        \- yermom or yersister?
        \_ Both on the beach next to the Lagoon.
        \_ Ginger baby, she was _hot_
           \_ pics please?
              \_ Are you fucking serious?  Didn't they let you out of the
                 trunk?
                 \_ Forgive my ignorance.  I really have no idea.
                    \_ You see, there was this comedy in the '70s and
                       '80s about a deserted island.  We nerds make
                       reference to the two nubile characters on the
                       island and compare their desirability.
                        \_ It was a comedy?  Dude... was I *way* off base.

10/8    This is pretty funny
        http://students.ou.edu/B/Jeremy.D.Bone-1/hoax.html

9/12    whoa.  wcbs right now is funny, the commentator on the newscorp
        is goading all his guests:
        "Why wait, when we have a bunch of Sherlock Holmes going on, that
        we can't just bomb Afghanistan?  We KNOW it's Bin Laden!"

9/10    Developers, developers, developers, developers!  -John
        \_ stop plagurizing. --sballmer
        \_ stop plagiarizing. --sballmer
           \_ M$ has all rights to the word "developer"?
              \_ No, but repeating the word four times with an exclamation
                 point... nevermind, you missed John's joke.
                 \_ I know jokes get ruined when you explain them, but
                    I didn't get this either... care to fill us in?

8/30    The motd has been so boring lately.  You trollers should be ashamed
        of yourselves.  You're supposed to keep this place funny and
        flaming!  What happened man?
        \_ did someone say flaming? -aspo

8/17    Is there something wrong with you if your first inclination upon
        hearing that a minor acquaintance committed suicide is to laugh?
        \_ Not really...I've done it a few times! Sometimes, thinking
           about it, I still laugh.
           \_ canned "bitter-learned" first world response.
           \_ Yeah, that's why I asked, I happened to think about this time
              in high school and giggled like a little girl. I think if it had
              been a complete stranger or a close friend I wouldn't have
              laughed. Maybe it was the absurdity of it all.
        \_ I initially laughed when told that a very close friend of mine
           had died in a car accident. I wanted to believe it was a joke,
           even though the person who told me would not joke about something
           like that. Denial is the first stage of psychological defense
           in cases like this. -ausman

7/16    http://www.sun.com/alpha
        This is a funny sun ad bashing Compaq.  --PeterM
        \_ What ever happend to the "We are the dot in .com" in slogan?
           \_ Here at HP, we have a poster with Scott, a big red dot on his
              nose, and the caption, "Where's the dot now, Scotty?"
        \_ That's not a guinea pig, that's a rat.

7/8     What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
        \_ "el-if-i-no" (hell if i know).  it's not very funny.
                \_ It's actually "elephino". And it was funny.
            \_ it'd be funnier if you didn't explain it.
                \_ Au contraire!  Overexplaining simple unfunny jokes is one
                   of the most pure and perfect schools of humor, IMO.
                   Most failing standups don't get the timing right, but it
                   certainly can be quite hee-larious. =P

7/6     http://monolith.projectgamma.com/~whitvamp/stuff/alexisrules.gif
        \_ funny.  is that due to the recent threats of armed guests?
        \_ "Acceptable...:  Underage posession of alchohol"  Yeah.  Right.
           This is fake.

5/24    All you soda geeks, your prayers have been answered:
        http://www.maryromantic.com
        \_ That's funny, I read that as:
           "Gentle, Strong Woman Seeks Chivalrous Agnostic or Atheist for
            Love Deposit"
        \_ this is not as good as pixieboy, asian prince, or hoyt, please post
           websites of lower caliber humans, thank you.
           \_ you may like http://somethingawful.com, which links moronic web pages
              and is pretty funny to boot.
           \_ please post links to asian prince and hoyt... have not yet seen
              those.
                \_ http://geocities.com/asianprince213
                   http://wspd.com/hoyt/hoythomepage.html
        \_ http://www.bigbadchinesemama.com
           \_ this could have been a lot funnier than it is.
                \_ I agree.  Still, its a good thing.  I like the
                   massagepalor.mp3 prank, but the rest are not funny.
        \_ with your bitch slap rappin' and your cocaine tongue
           you get nothing done. - a.r.

4/12    For the guy who asked yesterday, the reason why the motd is so
        lame is because people keep deleting all the funny posts.

2/24    Party. 2415 Dwight Way apt #20.  Saturday, 24th.  Whiskey/Refreshments
        available.  No this isn't just csua only. (read: there'll be girls
        there)
        \_ Who are you?
        \_ Whose party is it?  Is this an invitation for anyone reading it
           to show up?
           \_ bridgett, my roommate.  and it's an open party.
                        \_ SIGN YOUR NAME
              \_ for any point in the party, you can find a positive real
              number epsilon, such that the open ball of radius epslion
              around that point is all contained in the party.
        \_ is this a real party? if so, why haven't you signed your name?
           is this a practical joke on the person who lives at that address?
           \_ So if it is a practical joke, why would they put their
              address in the motd?
              \_ They would put someone else's address on the motd,
                 dipshit.
                 \_ So if it is a practical joke, then why would they
                    put their roommate's name in the motd?
                    \_ I don't really have an opinion on whether it is a
                        joke; however, don't you think that it would be
                        easy enough to just make up a name for a
                        "roommate"?
        \_ It's real. I checked. Please Bring alcohol. --davebrok

2/23    I wonder how many people would find Kharms funny.  He is one
        of my favorite authors.  I am not aware of any decent translations
        into English, but here's at least something:
        http://www.geocities.com/Athens/8926/Kharms/Incidences.html
                                        -- Misha.
        Funny     : .
        Not funny :

2/24    3 rocks of crack for sale, $20 a piece. This is not a joke.
        Go to the CSUA office next Tuesday at 5pm. Ask for some special
        "merchandise."

2/23    What the hell is "All your base are belong to us"?  Why is everyone
        putting it on all their web pages & .sigs?
        \_ Because they're dumbshits.
        \_ http://www.allyourbase.net/AYB2.swf
        \_ I also saw it on a HL/TFC server
        \_ People are idiots.
           \_ what you say!!
        \_ Go to http://www.portalofevil.com and search for "all your base are
           belong to us"
        \_ somebody set up us the bomb
           \_ It's you
        \_ Someone with way too much time on his hands made a shockwave
           video based on a poorly translated japanese nintendo game from
           the early 80's.  Most of the people who think it's funny are just
           going along with the crow.  They have _no idea_ what would be
           funny about it except everyone else is laughing so they do, too.
           The odds of so many people knowing the original game reference is
           about zero.  However, this is a very interesting (to me) item to
           note about people's need to fit in socially, no matter what.  You
           simply stand out as one of the people who doesn't have such an
           overwhelming desire to fit that you'd pretend to laugh at something
           that left you baffled like so many other clowns spewing "all your
           base..." all over the net.  Feel better about yourself.  The rest
           are sheep.
           \_ The video's funny. Just because it doesn't match your sense of
              humour means that the rest of us are somehow "faking it"...
                \_ What's funny about a bad translation in a game?
                   \_ The translation.
                        \_ Bad translations are common.  So what?
                \_ this phenomenon is what has kept Saturday Night Live going
                   for the past 20 years.  -tom
                   \_ I dunno -- I laughed pretty hard when eddie murphy,
                      chevy chase and john belushi (samurai deli) were on.
                      Sometime after that it just sorta' got edgy without
                      any real humor.  Was that 20 years ago?
                        \_ SNL *was* funny when Belushi was on.  It hasn't
                           been funny since that cast left.  Yes, it was 20
                           years ago, give or take a few.
           \_ i saw it, and i thought it was funny. people around me didn't
              get it. i think there's something genuinely funny about the
              opening video as well as some of the slides. -ali
                \_ What's funny about a bad translation in a game?
                   \_ The translation.
                        \_ Bad translations are common.  So what?
           \_ Maybe you should get that stick out of your ass.  It's made
              you an annoying person.
                \_ Ok, thanks, I'll take that on advisement.  Send the rest of
                   your highly educated and profound comments to /dev/null.
                   \_ Aww, is the self-important dimwit going to cry??  Cry,
                      dimwit, cry.
                        \_ Uh... hello?  Where'd you get that idea?  Cry?
                           Don't be stupid.  I was letting you know that
                           your reply was so stupid it wasn't worth the
                           effort to make a real reply.  They let you into
                           Cal?  Why do I have to spell these things out?
                           Go visit the USCA Coops and get some acid.  It
                           might raise your IQ a few hundred points.  You're
                           a sheep.  A dumb sheep.
                           \_ Hey, I'm not the one making sweeping
                              generalizations about society based upon my own
                              ill-informed opinions.  You typify everything
                              bad about the arrogant CAL stereotype: "I have
                              an opinion about society, therefore I'm right
                              and don't need to justify my absurd, immature,
                              and rediculously short-sighted views."  Try
                              using YOUR brains, ya' intellectual elitist
                              fat-head, and maybe learn to use a dictionary
                              and start by looking up "objectivism".
                              It's okay to cry, moron, no one respected you
                              anyway.
                              \_ "objectivism"? Ayn fucking Rand? run for
                                 your life!!
           \_ I got a link to the video in my mailbox, viewed it, and laughed
              without other people around.  How would you explain that?
                \_ What's funny about a bad translation in a game?
                   \_ The translation.
                        \_ Bad translations are common.  So what?
           \_ I work in a Japanese company and regularly have to review
              documentation written in "Engrish", and I thought the video was
              pretty funny.
                \_ I'm sorry your work life is so twisted.
           \_ So, I'm thinking that there's some not-so-subtle racism going
              on here where people find poor English translations so funny
              they have to pass it around the net like this and repeat the
              one phrase endlessly like the bleating sheep they are.  One
              sheep sees a link, says "baaaa!" and sends it on so thousands
              of other racist sheep can say "baaaa!" and keep the sheep thing
              going.  Welcome to America, land of the once-free, home of the
              bleating sheep.
                \_ Fuck you, ChinaMan.
                   \_ ChinaMan?  Damn, the motd was hit with the stupid
                      stick today.  I wrote that.  I'm white.  I'm male.
                      I vote Republican.  You're a racist and not a very
                      bright one at that.
                   \_ Fuck you back, Arsehole.
                \_ Go Back to Japan, Ho Chi Min.
                   "Go Back to Japan, Ho Chi Min."? Go back to England
                   Hitler. Go back to New York City, Stalin.
                   \_ Uh whatever.  Was any of this shit supposed to parse
                      in English or am I supposed to find the bad translation
                      funny?  Hint: senseless babble is not funny.
        \_ "All your base are belong to us"
           \_ Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahoho
              hehehehehehohohohohahahahahehehehehuhuhuhuhehhehhehhehhahahaho
           \_ this whole phenomenon has been spread by 12-15 yr. old kids
              who are in gaming "clans" and w4reZ groups.
              \_ Oh ok, thanks.  That explains it.  Warez hosers and motd
                 readers find it funny.  It makes sense now.  Thanks.
              \_ Hey! But ali thinks its funny!
                \_ ali the bengali
                   \_ sodan the moron!!!
                   \_ Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
                      ohohohohahahahahehehehehuhuhuhuhehhehhehhehhahahaho

2/6     Pretty funny movie:
        http://www.adcritic.com/president-clinton-final-days.html

1/8     Personally, I find these Keanu quotes pretty funny.
        http://www.latimes.com/wires/20010108/tCB00a1742.html

1/5     http://www.CSUA.Berkeley.EDU/~jefe/helloworld
        \_ Now, how the hell did that get on the motd? -jeff
        \_ A bit inaccurate, since no master programmer writes code like
                that for Windoze.
                \_ that particular joke is about 8 years old. several things
                   missing by now
        \_ idea good, joke execution so-so.
        \_ Well I thought it was funny.  Flatulence upon the rest of your
           housese.  -!jeff

1/5     i heard one of the most amusing stories ever from my cousin the
        other night, he was getting pissed off by a norwegian guy who kept
        talking bullshit to him etc, and changing nicks and hostnames etc
        just to continue doing so, he did a ping -f host & on him and
        forgot he had to have root privs to turn the damn ping off.... he
        did that from a 155 mbit line... brought down all of vestfold in
        norway, thats 3 million users without connectivity for hal
        \_ It's that easy to bring down a net?
        \_ you idea of amusing differs greatly from mine
        \_ your idea of amusing differs greatly from mine
        \_ And the Rock with the people's penis!
--- You have to have root privileges to _start_ ping -f.
     -f      Flood ping.  Outputs packets as fast as they come back or one
             hundred times per second, whichever is more.  For every
             ECHO_REQUEST sent a period ``.'' is printed, while for every
             ECHO_REPLY received a backspace is printed.  This provides a
             rapid display of how many packets are being dropped.  Only the
             super-user may use this option.  This can be very hard on a net-
             work and should be used with caution.
---

11/22   Miami-Dade decided to scrap the rest of their handcount and just
        count the 'undervotes' in a small room outside the view of the press
        and public.  It was funny seeing all the whiney repubs outside the
        door chanting and yelling about it.  GO GORE!

11/12   no, reversing the motd is not funny
        ?t'nsi tI _\

11/10 this is for the "i will kick you in the nuts" censor and all the
     other anonymous, cowardly censors: fuck you.  mabeye everyone else thinks
     these posts are stupid, and they can say so on their own.  perhaps
     they would think they are funny, but if you decide what people read and
     don't read we'll never know.  you are
     the worst kind of bastard. doesn't anyone but me think "i will kick you
     in the nuts"is funny?
     \_ No. --Galen
     \_ not really. -mice
     \_ Not funny. ----ranga
        \_ if it's so funny, why don't you sign your name, lafe?  -tom
        \_ I didn't think the nut kicker was censoring, just adding his one
           line.  -never kicked anyone in nuts
        \_ fine! it's not funny.  I won't do it anymore, and will suggest
           that my partners in crime also stop.  It would perhaps have been
           kind of funny to some people for one day, and then it would ended
           had certain censors not pissed me off so much.  i'm sorry if people
           really found it that annoying.
           -lafe  [motd formatting god was here]
           \_ you're pathetic.  maybe you should grow up before posting
              to the motd again.

10/24   Vote:
        User Friendly:  ..
        Dilbert:        .
        \_ what are these two voting for the worst comic stip of the decade?
        Megatokyo:      .
        Crack-ho magzn: .
          (yermom, that is)
        Kevin and Kell (http://www.kevinandkell.com .
        Blondie: .

10/13   I remeber seeing a saved page somwehere of a class of first
        graders being sold on eBay. It was kind of sick yet funny.
        Anyone have a link? This reminded me of it:
        <DEAD>cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=459210614<DEAD>

8/9     Say that a-teen video is pretty funny.  Makes me want to go on a
        Hughes-a-thon.
        \_ my, what a multi cultural lineup.  Looks like the rainbow coalition
           on Nickelodeon
        \_ There should be a law against "introducing the music of ABBA
           to a whole new generation".

6/24    Windows joke was so stupid and ancient I had to delete it.  It wasn't
        funny 15 years ago, either.

5/22    http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0005/encyc_mp3/index.cfm
        Funny. See if you can solve the mystery at the end.
        \_ Yes.  I can.

5/8     Another funny WAZZUP parody:   http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~azarm/bud.html
        \_ I guess we have a pretty good idea now who has been putting
           long-winded extremely boring jokes in the motd.  -tom
           \_ You're an idiot.  I'd never get involved in anything so
              completely moronic.  It isn't even a parody.  -tom's troll
        \_ this is idiotic. i can't believe houman and drbacher got involved
           in this shit.  what's original about it? other than the toilet
           scene?

4/15    Cool!  my stocks have split a few times in the past month!!!!!!
        \_ ... or did the price suddenly drop by 1/2?
           \_ It was a joke.
              \_ ... so was the reply.
                \_ no, the reply was some moron like tpc saying "hey I got
                   the joke!  Ha ha!"  -tom
        \_ I'm up 2 today.  Thanks.

2/24    Gee, it's funny how you keep restoring your propaganda, but don't
        restore the replies to it. So piss off.
        \_1 I'd restore the replies if it lasted long enough for me to see them
          2 The person you should be bitching to is the person who keeps
            deleteing the entire thing.  I'm just resotring what I have saved.
            If you want to reply that is cool.  But if someone deletes the
            replies and you care about them you can restore them jsut like
            I restore what I have.
                        -aspo

2/16    I plan to add another question to my standard technical interview
        list but I want to try it out here first to see what kind of answers
        the Motd Wisdom comes up with first.  Please be my test subjects.
        The new question: What is the running time of the troll sort?
        \_ "motd wisdom"? please tell us what company you hire for, so
            we may avoid it.
           \_ Please let me know what company you work for,
                 so I can avoid it's stock.
              \_ ObGrammar:    ^its
        The new question: What is the running time of the troll sort?
           \_ Please let us all know who you are so we can know who has zero
              sense of humor.  IT WAS A JOKE!  The sort of joke intended to
              bring a tiny uplift of the lip, a slight grin, a tiny moment of
              slight humor to brighten your dismal life in a small way and
              YOU DIDN'T GET IT!  You're officially beyond hope.  Please kill
              yourself now and stop wasting oxygen.
              \_ If it's a joke, it's not very funny.

2/13    I like Dilbert more than I like Peanuts. Scott should go back to
        industry. Academia rewls, industry sucks!!! But wait, money rewls,
        so industry kind of rewls.
        \_ Dilbert isn't the same anymore.

2/8     What's a term that describes a word that can be spelled backward
        and still be the same?
           \_ palindrome
        \_ http://ocean.ucc.ie/99/callanan/palindro.htm
        \_ much more interesting: what is a word whose sound EVOKES
           what it means indirectly. (very different from sounding like
           what it represents). I think cacophony is a good example. -ali
           \_ why is it much more interesting? jeeze!
           \_ "MOTD" is another good example.
           \_ Perhaps you want "onomatopoeia"?  -- kahogan
                \_ No but I know it sounded like that.   (hah!)
              \_ of course, someone who doesn't know what onomatopoeia had
                 to respond to the question. look at the parenthetical note.
                \_ (hah!)  of course someone who doesn't have a sense of humor
                   or an English degree had to respond to the question.  (hah!)
                   \_ the "MOTD" response was a joke to make a point: "MOTD"
                      doesn't really sound like anything, and the motd really
                      doesn't amount to anything.  probably everyone realized
                      it was a joke but you.  don't you feel stupid now?
                      \_ If you have to explain your joke oyu are the stupid
                         one.  If you feel the need to explain it even when
                         noone said "I don't get it" you are even stupider.
                         \_ This is supposed to be funny, right?

1/31    Anyone here work for Scient?
        \_ yep. -tcmoore
           \_ wanna hook-up? :)
             \_ Volkert, is that you?
                \_ um, is this like, a 3 person company joke?
                   \_ presumably, this is  ...ology, the organization
                      that regularly scans websites and shuts them down
                      for unauthorized use of their trademarks.
                        \_ Get a web browser, twink.
        \_ yes. dyu.
        \_ Wow.  The enemy.  Perhaps when you're done without innovatively
           named companies like Scient, you can move on to Viant, Lucent,
           Agilent, or Aquent.
            \_ Hey, you got a problem with Lucent?
               \_ Just the naming company that produced that, and so many
                  other sparkling Namients.
        \_ Are people who work for Scient called Scientologists?
           \_ No.
              \_ well, I think it would be funny if they were...

1/3     http://www.fourthworld.com/Research/setiimage.html
        It's a joke, isn't it?  Or is it some TV interference?  Any SETI@home
        insider care to comment on it?  -- yuen
        \_ Are you dumb?
           \_ I thought it might be from some TV signals.  -- yuen
            \_ are you dumb?
        \_ It's a joke.  There's another one from a long time ago
           that has a smiley face.  -- peterl (SETI@home insider)

12/31   Not funny and reasonably stupid re-writing of other people's comments
        purged and restored to original text.  No text lost.  Thank you for
        playing.  Now go home.

12/7    http://www.weeklystandard.com/magazine/mag_5_2_99/skinner_feat_5_2_99.html
        \_ A not quite interesting article about Burning Man, in that
         detached "above it all" tone taken by P.J. O'Rourke (one of my
         favorites) and many of my friends.  Except that it isn't funny.
         I don't see why anyone would be interested in reading it.
        \_ An unusually clear-headed account, read it if you haven't
           yet.   -not the original poster

11/22   <DEAD>www.stanfordalumni.com/articles/99_1_microsoft_buys_su.html<DEAD>
        \_ Joke?
           \_ Okay, obviously there are complete and utter morons on soda.
              Apologies to the person flamed in the previous item.
              \_ Apology accepted. In today's world, I've learned not to
                 make assumptions about anything.
        \_ Does someone want to mirror this?  I can't get throught 8.-(

10/4    Its not funny anymore. Really... its not.
        \_ Was it ever funny?

9/18    I'd rather have no replies than scrambled replies.  You're not funny.
        Even if you were funny, the joke is long over.  Stop it.

7.18    We need a funny/humourous picture of a cow.  For the Undergraduate
        Cluster of Obsolete Workstations (this was / is the csua lounge)
                Note that there is not now and never has been _/
                a CSUA lounge in Soda.  The CSUA "owns" only the
                office and does not control the undergraduate lounge,
                just maintains the computers there.  (This has actually
                been an important point in dept. politics before, such
                as when the CSGSA wanted the CSUA to give up either the
                lounge or the office to them and was told the lounge wasn't
                the CSUA's to give up.)
        if there are any people who have such a thing, please email
        prole@csua
        \_ It's amusing to call those workstations obsolete when some of
           the hardware in there is better than the crap you find on the
           second floor!  Who'd have thought that the CSUA would have
           better hook-ups than the CS Department.
                \_ it doesn't.  The department has much much cooler computers,
                   it just doesn't believe that undergrads are worth shit,
                   which is why undergrad labs only get donated computers
                   and undergrad labs keep getting closed.

7/12    It's getting a little old.  It wasn't even funny when you did it the
        first time so cut that shit out.

DILBERT REWLS! KILL ALL DILBERT OPPRESSORS!!!!!!! THE VOICE OF DILBERT
SHALL BE HEARD ALL OVER CORPORATE AMERICA!!!!!

5/26    <DEAD>www.jarjarmustdie.com<DEAD>  -- funny
        http://www.ihatestarwars.com  -- read the email response section.  it's
                                  really funny.
        http://www.jawafortress.com/swvtitanic -- track grosses vs. titanic
          \_ 404 Beeotch.
             \_ oops, my bad. http://www.jawafortress.com/swvstitanic

5/25    http://www.newgrounds.com/assassin/hamster/index.html
        For those who have coworkers that do nothing but cruise the net all
        day, tough shit.  For those who haven't seen it yet, enjoy.  There's
        links to some other amusing (and some not amusing) stuff also.
        [Fear the hamsters!  Delete this immediately!]

5/21    Anybody saved motd entries by "(fucker)"?  Mehlhaff's motd archive
        has his hilarious flames.  I'm looking for more.  This is a
serious
        request.  I think his flames are really funny!   -(fucker)'s #1
fan
        \_ ~seano/pub/funny-motd/I-am-in-love-with-myself
        \_ It's gerbil-licking goons like you do bring a tear to my eye
           oh-so-quaintly in the same way I imagine flogging you with your
           own entrails would to spare you from your vicarious,
           hemorrhoid-spitting kittyfuckerdom -(fucker)

5/14    Dumb jokes deleted.

5/5     Stop nuking the motd.  The joke is old.  -John

5/5     http://www.kimble.org/kimmovie.htm  funniest thing ever.

3/30    The motd needs some comic relief.  How about one of those flames
        by '(fucker)'?  He's one fucked up funny dude.
        \_ go away. --fucker
           \_ Lame impersonation... did you think of that all by yourself?
              And I'm not fucked up... you all are fucked up sick
              foetusfuckers marching around with your hoary ass like faces
              talking through your sphincters bringing new meaning to "eat
              shit" and, see, I give the public what they want, and what
              do you have to say about that, colostomycritter? -(fucker)
                \_ You really make me smile.  :-)  Soda needs more
                   foul mouthed fuckers like you.  It would be a much
                   better place.  -(fucker)'s #1 fan

2/16    this is the funniest shit I have ever heard, maybe:
        http://www.blackout.com/crankmonth.html --maxmcc
        \_ a bad URL is the funniest?
           \_ evidently so...

2/4     That was used as an example of a really bad joke. twink.

1/15    Too much boring tech stuff and not enough funny stuff.  How about some
        "best of the motd" reposts?

10/1    This is pretty funny:
        http://kccomputeruser.com/public_html/feb98/2.html      -John

6/14    Boycott Mulan-- it is a distorted combination of fact and fiction
        and its views are overly westernized.
        \_ Uhm, duh, hello, it's a cartoon.  Like the lion king, little
           mermaid, robotech, invasion america, or any other cartoons
           from anyone have any reality in them.  OPEN SKULL, INSERT GRIP,
           CLOSE SKULL.  Thank you.  This message has been brought to you
           by the Get A Grip, You Dumbshit! Foundation Of America, a not
           for profit, public organization.  For more information, please
           see http://www.getagrip.org or your local /etc/motd.
        \_ It's the too-stupid-to-think fuckers like you do get offended
           by everything that make me smile only that you all do it too
           often... I guess cause you're just too stupid... such that I
           get tired of smiling all the goddamned time in an I-wanna-whip-
           -your-parents-with-your-useless-spinal-column kinda way. -(fucker)
        \_ So what is it with the round-eyed Japanese in all of those
           anime cartoons, anyway?
           \_ Japanese schoolgirl chicks are hot *drool*
        \_ ASIAN GIRL #1 YEAH BABY
        \_ Wow, how many different ways can disney keep telling basically
           the same story?
                \_ Every human life is basically the same story, fuckface.
                   \_ Dear god, I hope not.  If you had to go through what
                      we did to yer mom last night, you'd wish your lives
                      weren't the same.  (p.s. We'll be back for you tonight)
                      \_ thus proving all lives are basically the same since
                            be almost funny and running it DIRECTLY inro the
                         junior _is_ going to go through what his mom did.
                         \_ Sigh.  Do you enjoy taking something that could
                            be almost funny and running it DIRECTLY into the
                            ground?
                            \_ Yes, I do.  Why do you ask?
                      \_ It's funny to see geeks trying to talk tough.
                \_ How many mommies and daddies are willing to pay through
                   the nose to get their kids to shutup for 92 minutes?
                   You'll keep seeing Disney crap and clones for the rest
                   of your life, so will your grand children.

5/21    David Letterman is really funny.  You are not.
        \_ your point?
                \_ I think this  person's point is clear.
                 David Letterman is the Voltaire of our day.
                 An individual with unprecedented powers of wit
                 and humor. We all pale in comparison with Dave.
                 Is that so hard to understand, dill weed?

3/18    funniest image :
        http://www.abcnews.com/sections/us/DailyNews/clinton0318.html
        \_ Okay, monica and that new old-woman on the scale, so why is it funny?

1/20    It would be funny to add the following lines to my srm.conf:
                AddHandler cgi-script .cgi .asp
        \_ WOW!  You have a *great* sense of humor!  You must get all the
           babes in the singles places with jokes like that!
           \_ "Hey babe, wanna see me with my dual Pentium II 300Mhz?"
            \_ VIRTUAL PENIS!

5/14    In order to improve the performance of your machine, please add the
        following in your .cshrc file in all of your accounts:
        ping -s http://www.microsoft.com 50000 > /dev/null &
        \_ To get squished please add "ping -s <DEAD>uclink4.berkeley.edu<DEAD> 50000 >
            /dev/null &" to the .cshrc in all of your accounts.
        \_ And the award goes to gosha, who in a supreme display of
           awe-inspiring stupidity has made us all laugh really hard:
gosha 25671     1  0  16:52:00 ?           2:29 ping -s http://www.microsoft.com 50000
gosha 16807     1  0  10:19:41 ?           0:01 ping -s http://www.microsoft.com 50000
gosha 16696     1  0  23:20:56 ?           1:42 ping -s http://www.microsoft.com 50000
gosha 25499     1  0  16:49:47 ?           2:40 ping -s http://www.microsoft.com 50000

6/29    Striptease: Not worth it. Too many ideas and none really funny, but
        if all you want to see is Demi's topless nudity, then go for it.