www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12818892
NEW YORK - You probably haven't been on the receiving end of cow eyes and giggles since junior high school. But one day, amid the Microsoft spreadsheets, it hits you: A co-worker has a crush on you. This type of behavior is wildly inappropriate at work, but it's been a while since you tossed spitballs in algebra class and you're not sure how to say "no, thanks" without damaging an otherwise good working relationship. "What complicates the issue of unreturned infatuation is that work is often the key place where potential romantic relationships might develop," says Dr. "Working, eight, ten or more hours a day makes the workplace 'dating central' for some. There are also those who are unhappily married or don't respect that others are unavailable. These people might develop a crush on someone even if that person isn't single or isn't looking." HANDLING AN OFFICE CRUSH Click on the links below for more information.
") The irony is obvious: Sex permeates every other aspect of life and is used to sell mundane things like soap, but sexual expression of just about any kind is The Great No-No at work. If you handle the situation badly, that giggle could morph into a snarl and a sexual harassment lawsuit.
"What simplifies the situation is that usually there are strong hints that an infatuation isn't mutual," says Yager, a relationship and work expert who holds a PhD in sociology. "This is conveyed through body language, including how people do or don't look at others. Most of the time, those hints stop the co-worker from trying to take the relationship to the next level because most people want to avoid rejection." Conduct business as if there were no sighs, saucy looks or sly comments. Stick to business and it will be impossible for all but the daffiest of the moonstruck to misinterpret your lack of interest in pursing a romantic relationship. If there are blatant displays of affection, it's time to talk to the person privately. Tell the person that you're flattered by the attention and generous words, but that such behavior isn't appropriate at work. Make it clear that you depend on the person as a member of the team and you look forward to a long professional relationship as colleagues - and nothing more. "The message is that you're flattered and you respect your co-worker as a co-worker," Yager says. "But you don't have any other kind of feelings toward him or her. It also may be important to reinforce that you don't want what your co-worker just shared with you to hurt your working relationship. Make it clear that you want to keep working together and hope your reply won't change that."
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