Berkeley CSUA MOTD:Entry 54463
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2025/04/05 [General] UID:1000 Activity:popular
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2012/8/24-11/7 [Health/Women] UID:54463 Activity:nil
8/24    "Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate"
        http://www.csua.org/u/xed (http://www.theonion.com
2025/04/05 [General] UID:1000 Activity:popular
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2012/12/30-2013/1/24 [Reference/Religion, Health/Women] UID:54571 Activity:nil
12/30   Women on jdate look hot. Do I need to give up bacon to
        date them?
        \_ http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2009-04-10
        \_ Don't know, but you may have to give up your foreskin to date them.
           \_ I think this is a deal breaker for most men, and why
              throughout history Christianity always overwhelms Judaism.
	...
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Kennedy Family Releases List Of Tragic Ways Remaining Members Could Die LITCHFIELD, CT--Though she was initially upset following the brutal sexual assault last month that left her pregnant, victim Martha Byars told reporters she was relieved Sunday to learn from Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) that her ability to conceive her unwanted child proves she was not, in fact, legitimately raped. "Being violently coerced into having sex was the worst thing that's ever happened to me, so I take comfort in knowing it wasn't actually rape," Byars said of the vicious encounter in which she was accosted in an alleyway by a stranger, pinned to the ground, and penetrated against her will for 25 minutes. "It was absolutely horrific--I felt violated in the worst way imaginable--but thanks to Congressman Akin, I now realize it must, at some level, have been consensual after all." "I'm so relieved to know that my child's father, the man who muffled my screams as he forcefully penetrated me over and over and left me hemorrhaging to death on the street, is not a rapist." Explaining that the Republican senatorial candidate's statements had "really opened her eyes" by helping her understand the workings of her own reproductive system, Byars said she only wishes she could have known at the time of her near-fatal assault that the female body has ways to shut down conception during cases of tried-and-true rape. "Now that I know the truth, I realize none of the telltale signs of legitimate rape were there at all," mused Byers, noting that her body did not in any way shut down but in fact continued to register excruciating pain throughout the entire cruel ordeal. "I must have at least subconsciously wanted it--otherwise, the sperm wouldn't have been able to enter my body." "Not only is this knowledge a blessing for me," she continued, "but it will no doubt bring great hope to the tens of thousands of women who are forcibly and savagely impregnated in the United States every year."
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New Negative Campaign Ads Blast Voters Directly WASHINGTON, DCIn the latest round of political mudslinging, both John Kerrys and George W. Bushs election committees have replaced ads that focus on their opponents shortcomings with ads that personally insult the voting public. Friend Buys Computer Just Like That KANSAS CITY, MOAccount executive Jeremy Trask, 33, entered a local Best Buy Sunday, shopped for approximately 20 minutes, and bought a brand-new laptop computer right off the shelf, like it was a bag of pretzels, Trasks friend Paul Cheng said Monday. Boland of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento announced Monday that, although he remains a devoted servant of God and the Catholic Church, he has become tired of the same old church scene. Study: Owning A Boat Not Worth It YONKERS, NYAccording to a study published in the April issue of Boating Magazine , owning a boat is not even close to worth it. Our study proved conclusively that boat-ownership is primarily an inconvenience and a monetary black hole, editor Roger Bernbaum said. We found little to no reason to keep that thing sitting in a shed all winter just so you can tow it to the lake and pay outrageous docking fees three weekends a year. Itd be much more cost-efficient to don a yachting cap and hang out at the dockhouse. The May issue of Boating promises to explore the financial viability of seaside vacation homes. What Grieving Widow Needs Is A Day At The Spa PACIFIC PALISADES, CANow that her husband Harvey has been laid to rest and all the visiting relatives have left, what grieving widow Judith Blauser, 46, really needs is a day at the spa, friend Carrie Thomas reported Tuesday. I know that seeing poor Harvey there in the casket reminded me how long its been since I treated myself to a full-body seaweed wrap. Thomas suggested that Blauser fly to Palm Desert for a volcanic sand bath immediately following the reading of the will. Man Nods His Way To The Top BOSTONUsing his unparalleled ability to nod after his superiors speak, Thomas J. Mieritz, 39, rose to the level of vice-president at Fidelity Investments Monday. I knew Mieritz was the man for the job the instant I started talking. He was ready to get on board with every one of my proposed mutual-fund investment initiatives, Fidelity chairman Edward C. I thought, Now, theres a man who makes smart decisions without a lot of hullabaloo. Johnson added that, if Mieritz can master boot-licking, buck-passing, and myopic self-satisfaction, hell probably run the company one day. Room Scanned For Something To Sell On eBay ALBANY, CAApplying tape to the last package in a 12-item round of eBay sales, Brandon Vye scanned his bedroom for anything else he could auction off online. After listing a misshapen clay bowl he made in a high-school ceramics class, Vye decided to head out to the yard to search for eBay-able stuff there. Zambia Tired Of Being Mentioned In News Of The Weird Section LUSAKA, ZAMBIAZambian president HE Levy P. Mwanawasa publicly chastised Reuters and 10 other news organizations Monday for featuring Zambia in their news of the weird sections. Zambia has a rich cultural history well beyond the man who can swallow razor blades, Mwanawasa said. Either feature something about Zambia besides dodecatuplets, or dont feature Zambia at all. Interestingly, in addition to being the Zambian leader, Mwanawasa is also the proud owner of the worlds longest soda-can pull-tab chain.