gizmodo.com/5903760/how-to-buy-a-facebook-girlfriend-for-5
How to Buy a Facebook Girlfriend for $5 Boyfriends, girlfriends, the pretense of courtship--can't we just download an app for instant internet romantic gratification? Turns out, as our dystopian/utopian future becomes reality, having constant love in your life is exactly that easy. But these days, almost nobody will ever know the difference.
GirlfriendHire has what it takes to make real human relationships obsolete. Facebook has already diminished friendship to a cowering, anemic orphan of a concept.
The site allows you to directly order a fake girlfriend for $5. com subscription, where you own only the chance of meeting someone. Our technological age is defined by immediacy, superficiality, and isolation. But for $5, it helps you look cool and feel less lonely. How to Buy a Facebook Girlfriend for $5 Realize what you're doing You're about to pay a stranger on the internet in exchange for virtual love services. She's not going to touch you, hang out with you, or really know much of anything about you. just be straight with yourself about what you're buying here. Try to ignore the inherent creepiness involved with "browsing" girls like some sort of sex trafficking bazaar. They're here because they want to be here, making money off of your sloth and solitude. GirlfriendHire offers a broad assortment of "flings" for your dollar, mostly orbiting around our aching, pathetic drive to be noticed and desired: I will be your internet girlfriend for $5 I will send you cute text messages for $5 I will be your facebook girlfriend for $5 I will send you flirty messages on your facebook wall for $5 Etc. Some girls offer more rarefied stuff: I will do your homework/help research, write and proofread papers for $5 I will write a sexy story starring YOU! for $5 I will give you a list of great dubstep for $5 I will help you learn to use your iphone for $5 Here you're not even really paying for romance, but for any kind of human companionship. This is more like that flirty girl who helps you in the library, who might just have a thing for you, but of course does not. Choose wisely and choose often Even GirlfriendHire's owner, Cody Krecicki, admits the place is rife with spam accounts and fraud. Over some email interviews, he recommended sorting the girl list by rating to put those with good feedback at the top. Also, look at the picture--if it doesn't look like someone who'd really be earning money by sending Facebook messages for $5 payments, it probably isn't an accurate avatar. Increase your chances on getting something good from the site by spreading money across multiple flings--a $35 bet should do it. It's like tapas, only instead of tasty Spanish food, you're buying the temporary attention of an apathetic stranger. Embrace your new girlfriend As the cyberlove rolls in, the fun part begins. I bought "a text thanking you for one great night of passion for $5." I received the following: "Wow, the other night was amazing. I never even imagined that i could have so many orgasms in a row. I really cant stop thinking about you and id love to see you again as sooooooon as you can" Hey now! That seems like a totally realistic thing someone would say to me. I also purchased two Facebook relationships, which were the most fruitful. Michelle Reid was a better virtual girlfriend than many real girlfriends (or boyfriends) ever prove to be. Over Facebook Chat she asked about my interests, my work, and told me about her travel aspirations. How to Buy a Facebook Girlfriend for $5 Things like this... and, if you're able to suspend disbelief, this will definitely make you feel like you're on her mind (although that pet thing was weird). If you just pretend there was never that damning $5 handover, it actually seems, if only for a moment, that another person really cares about you. You need a story This internet love theater isn't happening in a vacuum. Michelle (or her equivalent) is posting for the sake of showing her affection to everyone you already know. It's all over your wall--that's what you paid for in the first place. So be prepared to offer some sort of explanation for this sudden flurry of strange female interest you've encountered. Let your inner circle in on the ruse, and the other 900 people you're acquainted with on Facebook, who you never speak to anyway, will just assume you're suddenly popular and somehow much more attractive. Having fifteen strangers suddenly posting MISS U BABE XOXOXO might repulse the girls you're trying to get with in real life. At the very least, you'll look cool to that guy you used to know freshman year. Deal with the consequences It turns out virtual girlfriends, unlike the cybernetic sex droids who will someday succeed them, aren't perfect. As much as GirlfriendHire has managed to make humanity abstract, you're still dealing with an actual person. How to Buy a Facebook Girlfriend for $5 You can get more than you paid for. A girl named McKenna Riley, who had promised to shower me with Facebook adoration, commented that I looked "way sexy" in a photo that wasn't me. Michelle Reid, as you can see in the chat at the left, basically dumped me. That's after she pestered me when I didn't reply to her messages. But we, the clients, are supposed to be the broken-down emotional voids here! That's why we're using GirlfriendHire in the first place, right? Just be aware, if you're shopping in the internet bargain bin simulacrum of affection, that handling any genuine human emotion is a delicate matter. Any of these girls can be unfriended and replaced with another $5 PayPal injection. Rinse and repeat until you feel so horrible and empty that you go outside and meet someone great.
|
http://csua.com/feed/