mcsweeneys.net/2008/12/30roeder.html
A participial phrase at the beginning of a sentence must refer to the grammatical subject. Upon receiving this couppon, the free iPOds will greet you! Upon receiving this couppon, you will be greeted by the free iPOds! This couppon entitles you to greetings from the free iPOds! The five exclamation points feel tacked on, an attempt by an inexperienced writer to breathe life into a desiccated construction. The active voice, however, allows you to write with verve and straightforwardness. In short order, you'll notice enhanced length and girth. If you absolutely must use slang or colloquialisms in your spam, simply use them. Our so-called "carpet munchers" will ride your "cum rocket" then gobble down what's sometimes referred to as "baby batter." Although you've successfully called attention to your mastery of pornographic euphemism, you've written a punchless sentence. Rewrite without the quotes, the clutter, and the pretension. Formal quotations cited as documentary evidence are introduced by a colon and enclosed in quotation marks. Hey, bob_r_mail0899, the New York Times' said this to me: "bob_r_mail0899 has lost his hair and is unsexy now to his wife!" Your free online pharmacy comprises no-prescription Lunesta, herbal Ecstasy, and a secret formula that will make her moan all of the night.
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