wonkette.com/402785/gop-delegate-robbed-blind-by-sexy-hero-gal
guy in the Batman suit raping some drunken loser at Mardi Gras -- because this tale is true. He can't pronounce "nuclear," of course, so he's going to pretend to drop "nukular" horror upon Iran because, hey, why not? Anyway: A wonderful lady picked him up at a bar, and she went to his hotel room, and she slipped him a mickey. When he woke up, his entire ridiculous jewel-encrusted ultra-tacky wardrobe was stolen -- "$120,000 in money, jewelry and other belongings," according to the Pioneer Press. It was the night of Sarah Palin's big dumb speech at the RNC. This guy, Gabriel Schwartz -- "a single attorney and a fixture in Colorado Republican politics," according to the Pioneer Press -- was staying in Minneapolis at the fancy Hotel Ivy. He reportedly took this girl back to his $319-per-night room and she told him to get undressed while she made the drinks. This is a wonderful scene from some James M Cain book, but rather than wearing a salesman's suit, the mark is dressed like some castout from the Village People or the Stray Cats or god knows what. "Victim reported suspect made victim drinks, told him to get undressed, which is the last thing he remembers," a police narrative said. A police report notes the crime occurred between 4:22 and 5:46 am, and Palmer said investigators believe Schwartz had been drugged, although he declined to discuss details. Aside from the watch, ring, necklace, earrings and belt, Schwartz also reported a $1,000 purse or wallet, a $1,500 cell phone, $500 in cash and a couple of rings worth $50 had been taken. Everything about you is a delicious testament to the American Dream ...
He had a ring and a $2 necklace and he gave it all to that Rev. Haggard for one night of gay sex, and is now claiming this huge theft to get the insurance $$ to pay off blackmailers.....
Reply The only way I would conceivably spend that much on a cell phone is if it was about the size of the iPhone, but also had a built-in projector, computing power of a desktop, and had a wireless-but-FiOS internet connection.
Reply Ok, now I've gone back and actually watched a bit of the video (even though I promised myself I wouldn't, but curiosity got the best of me) and now I've got to go and donate to Obama and a whole slew of House races to get the filthy feeling off me.
Reply Barry should use his executive privilege when he's president and put the cocky little republican fuck in a flak jacket and boots and send him to Afghanistan (and no gun).
Reply $1,000 purse or wallet I was going to complain that this made no sense, but I guess a money-carrying object that costs a thousand fucking dollars should be able to transform itself into several different kinds of money-carrying objects on command.
InsidiousTuna: What the fuck kind of cell phone costs $1500? since he had a $1500 phone, it was the ring tones the guy spent $50 apiece on. You know, brief recordings of brown Arabic dudes screaming in pain at Guantanamo; the crunch of kittens being crushed under the foot of Dick Cheney; the tinkling sound of Ann Coulter giving Larry Craig a golden shower... You can download these and others for a $50 donation at the RNC website, y'know.
Reply My god, with a week to polish his lines a little, he could be the next Palin... Ironic that he looks just like a lot of Iranian guys -- but he needs 6 gold chains and a gallon of cheap aftershave to complete the effect.
could it be that Schwartz's $120,000 outfit was what he took in lieu of legal fees for Emperor Moth? Fraud charge coming for misrepresenting the value of the theft?
Would have only cost $3, but he had them inscribed: "Coming in 2009, McCain/Palin". As you can tell from reviewing his wardrobe, this is a guy who pays up for value-added artwork.
BillyT: Dear Mr Schwartz, I believe that I have recovered your expensive urban rapper phone. I'm curious, however, why it would contain so many pictures of your toothbrush up into some hooker's ass...
Knowing Minnesotans as I do, she probably just grabbed the stuff with some tongs, put it in a plastic bag, and hurled it into the Mississippi. Hell, he's lucky she didn't dial up her Big Swedish Boyfriend and have him come over just to toss our Douchy friend right into the river himself.
com/news/2008/jun/16/meet-gop-de legates/ As we have learned, one should not to assume. Perhaps, he's just another NeoCon asshole Or maybe, just maybe, he exists in another sense.
worstprezever: I love how in the Pioneer Press article and in the video he has so much enthusiasm for war and the military, but has never actually served according to his resume. Perhaps he should join up with JAG, which would be better than the bottom feeding he is doing right now. It is a four member firm that does almost every type of law imaginable and I suspect that they don't do any of them particularly well.
grendel: You know Republicans can't live without their enemies. That's the main difference between them and Democrats now. He's just doing opposition research, and getting rich for it.
Reply He who carries an elitist man-purse gets what he deserves. Perhaps it was really just his elitist man-toilet-kit with his expensive elitist-man-moisturizer -- his skin looks so soft and shiny!
springfield_meltdown: These chicken hawks NEVER EVER serve in the military! Be it Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, heck Dubya was AWOL too. Btw, word has it Track Palin was en route to prison if didn't join the Army STAT, Oxycontin user.
As you described how real Minnesotans deal with pumped up, pimped out legal weasels from the Rockies, I had a startingly clear vision: I saw Frances McDormand in the heroines role, "uh-huhing" her way into our hearts by riding this Steve Buscemi look-alike into the ground. The fact that my maternal grandfather was from Minnesota, makes me proud to be 1 or 2 degrees removed from that heroic hooker.
Reply The strange math that gave a total of $120K for his losses only includes about $500 cash and $2000 in miscellaneous Maxim-endorsed "cool guy" junk. I assume the balance was a pocketful of IOU's from his 2 clients that he used to get comp meals at the early-bird special buffets.
Reply I'm sorry, but after seeing that interview the only thing that would have made me happy would be to learn that the girl snuffed out his smug, mono-syllabic, festering, miserable excuse for a life and claimed his little man as trophy.
Reply The most fitting punishment after seeing this interview is he woke up robbed, naked and found himself surrounded by a bunch of gay Iranian Revolutionary Guards. After about 30 secs of the interview, I really wanted to punch that motherfucker but after reading about what happened to Nucular Boy.
Reply I missed this posting last night and this morning I was kind of shaky/panicking about the whole oncoming of the Second Great Depression thing. I rise to my day assured once more that the universe will right itself and karma is delicious.
Here's a quick lesson for anyone looking for a lawyer: When the firm's "areas or practice" greatly outnumber the number of lawyers in the firm, run. The firm's PRACTICE AREAS are diverse and distinguished. Our practice areas include, but are not limited to: Matrimonial Law Personal Injury Construction Defect Business Law Criminal Defense White Collar Crime Defense Civil Litigation Civil Rights Tax Law Bankruptcy Traffic Real Estate Estate Planning Immigration Law Securities Copyright/Trademark Arbitration Mediation International Transactions Incorporations, LLC, Partnerships, Limited Partnerships, and Limited Liability Partnerships Trusts Administrative Law Automobile Accidents Worker's Compensation Liquor Licensing Gaming Law Election Law They can soon add "Getting Scammed by Hookers" and "Insurance Fraud".
pdf Some highlights: Manage two office locations All these probably involve the same client, in chronological order: Assist foreign corporations and entities obtain proper authority to conduct business in the Unites States of America Advise and represent clients with living wills, last wills and testaments, trusts, probate matters, powers of attorney and estate planning both domestic and off shore--Isle of Man, Gran...
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