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The Pursuit of Dappiness Posted at 21:02 by Mister Leonard Pierce As I'm sure you all know, very little in life gives me more pleasure than stupid people getting incredibly irate over totally meaningless things. So when Michelle Obama threw the dap at her husband a few days ago, I prayed a tiny little pray to my good friend Jesus: "Dear Lord in Heaven above," I said, "If you love me the way I love you, you will let crazy right-wingers totally flip their shit over this utterly noncontroversial event."
article, but enough Fightin' Keyboarders percieved in the dap elements of gang affiliation, foreign nationialism or terrorist sympathy to keep me in tears all weekend. To be fair to the wingnuts, most of them focused on the fact that a big deal is being made over nothing, and that the excessive coverage of Barry Obama and his wife throwing dap is sort of embarrassing. So, to be unfair to the wingnuts, many of them reacted exactly the way I hoped they would.
Above: what really happened, and how the wingnuts saw it Now, you know and I know that the dap, which even white people have been using since Tupac had a split-level fade, is about as harmless a gesture as the pound (for which it has often been confused during discussions of this non-event by white people). You may even recall seeing living proof of this on The Office, where Oscar and Kevin, not exactly the two most street-savvy characters on the show, exchange it from time to time after getting one over on Angela.
also lets the worms crawl out of the woodwork with comments like these: THE NEXT THING WILL BE A BACKWARD BASEBALL HAT WITH USA FACING TO THE REAR. History has shown repeatedly, when Whites set up new countries and then give the control to the blacks, or any non-White race, it will soon collapse into another third world catastrophe. This is exactly what this politically correct' country needs so people will wake up. I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn! A video will be coming out of her telling "whitey to die". I can't be denied that just about all their dance moves , walks and crazy handshakes mimik some kind of animal motion. If Prsident Obama disapproves of something will he be grabbing his balls with both hands and telling people where to go? Picture Obama and wife having to meet world dignitaries. that will look retarted when the national anthem is played as he stands in front of other world officals. America "WAKE UP", You are getting your first taste of what it is going to be like electing Barack HUSSEIN Obama for president. Next you are going to see southern fried chicken, black-eyed peas, corn bread, and watermelon as your daily meal. Let's not forget what Obama's middle name is, funny thing, he never wants to use his middle name on his campaign. This is exactly what we are possibly letting into our nations leadership. I expect next we may see white house orchestra begin playing "hip hop". All very informative stuff, but look - we all know that Barack and Michelle Obama are low-class ignorant ghetto gangstas. The real question is, how does this alien fist-bumping gesture tie into their support of America-hating terrorists?
column in Human Events was the first reference we could find to the dap as "'Hezbollah-style' fist-jabbing". But apparently, the comment became such an instant laughing-stock that it was removed from the HE website; it's not even clear whether Thomas himself said it, or if it was a commenter. Less ambiguous, however, were our truth-seeking friends at FOX News;
ED Hill teased a typically Melvinish "what does this hep gesture mean to America, Chet?" segment by asking if what the Obamas force on our virgin eyes was "a fist bump? Strangely enough, Hill didn't mention terrorist fist jabs in the actual piece, leaving millions of Americans uncertain as to whether major league baseball players are sending secret signals to their al-Q'aeda masters following every home run.
History has shown that there has never been a mud troglodyte country that's ever accomplished anything or ever been anything more than a third world catastrophe. Also, those lazy, greedy, criminally inclined mulattoes are the real racists! Why hasn't John McCain and NRO denounced and rejected them yet?
and speaking of the Middle East, has Obama's latest AIPAC speech tripped into the memory hole already. Admitedly he didn't get quite the fawning reception afforded Johnny McCain but what sort of people hears that and thinks aha, this man is planning abandon Israel and cede Uncle Sam's territory to the Caliphate!
He's not even white, which by definition means that he is not American. On the other hand, Giambi is white, and therefor a proper American. I will catalog every fist-touching among baseball players from now on.
All comments and replies must last no more than two minutes, be in rhyming meter and accompanied by a beat to be chosen by both parties beforehand. If no beat can be agreed to, snippets of James Brown's "Funky Drummer" will be employed. Debate winners will be based on audience acclamation for the "illest" rhymes and most concise policy summarizations.
Seeing as how he's from Chicago and all, do you think it will be sort of Kanye/Common/Lupe Fiasco blowout? Or will it be a celebration of artists from states he's won? Also, I'm deeply saddened to see that none of them haplessly referred to it as "fisting."
You see, whitey' is such an awful terrible slur, so offensive, so over-the-line, and so hurtful to white people, that the poster has to explain what it means! If Michelle Obama has never said whitey' in her life, these people have now given her every right to say it whenever she wants.
I always thought he looked more like a giant slab of loosely-draped jowel with a hamburger patty shaped toupee, sphincter-like eyes and a bitchy little mustache.
I've always wanted a talking statute in the New York Harbor. "Give me yo' tie-ed, yo' po', yo' huddled masses yurnin' to breeve free, so I can lif' mah lamp of syrupy goodness to th' golden waffle.
"My comments were not intended to be racially derogatory, and I apologize for the fact that they were misconstrued in that fashion," the 45-year-old golfer said. Then he gave Woods a jockey costume as a gesture of goodwill.
They're ghetto gangstas who will trash the White House, all the while eating watermelon, or latte sipping elitists from the Ivy League? They're atheist Muslim communist elitist watermelon-eating gangstas who are gutlessly ruthless.
Why hasn't John McCain and NRO denounced and rejected them yet? " Because they are the GOP base- racist, classist, religious bigots that hate everything all day long every day. This 20% has America hostage, their viewpoint is the only view allowed on TV, where Bush as never done wrong, and all Dems are traitors that deserve gruesome death (get ready, rednecks, President-For-Life Cheney will be issuing his Kristalnacht' orders between November and January, shortly after he orders Acting-President Bush to unilaterally invade Iran.
Wait, that's cultural, sort of like how open container laws don't apply to Bloomberg, but do at corner bars? If Barack HUSSEIN Obama is elected, the Statue of Libery will be replaced by a giant replica of Aunt Jemima. Actually, that would be the best piece of guerrilla art, evar.
It only took one day after Obama became the nominee for the real straight up racial hatred to begin to reveal itself. No more code words and dogwhistles, no sir, those are for those weasily namby-pambies on the TV news. We're breaking out all the names, all the stereotypes, all the shit we perfected under Jim Crow. Y'know, I'm pretty sure McCain's campaign believes wholeheartedly that it is precisely this kind of virulent ignorance that will get him elected. He'll have to walk a fine line, but we'll see him finding myriad ways to support and encourage these knuckle-dragging redneck motherfuckers. At the first debate, Obama goes first, using his two minutes to answer the first question. When it comes to McCain, he merely takes a bucket and sponge out from behind his podium, walks over to Obama, sets it down and says disdainfully "wash my car, boy" and strides off the st...
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