www.villagevoice.com/news/0816,a-confederacy-of-dunces,411897,1.html/full
if you know what superdelegates are, or who said "God damn America," you're already a victim. Thanks to the curse of modern technology, you'll be hearing what top Internet buffoons are saying about the candidates--whether you want to or not. Herewith, a rundown of 10 conservative Web scribblers who, by virtue of their high readership or annoyance factor, are likely to invade your casual conversations until the gruesome finale of our Celebration of Democracy drives us all back to our blessed, customary ignorance.
com) ORIENTATION: Suburbative TONE: Nostalgic FUN FACT: Briefly lived in Washington, DC ("where I heard every voice on the globe," and also "the world's crossroads of disease"), in a "blaring trash-strewn enclave" where he "lived in a constant state of nervous dread." Currently resides in a house he calls "Jasperwood," complete with "water feature" (ie, fountain), in a Minneapolis neighborhood that he describes as "urban." CANDIDATE: Undeclared, leaning toward George Wallace STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 60/40 HISTORY: Writer for various papers, including The Washington Post; longtime employee of the Minneapolis Star Tribune, for whom he blogs and supplies columns. Books include humorous, affectionate tweakings of ads, recipes, and photographs from the mid-20th century, which also comprised the centerpiece of The Bleat when it started in 1997, along with scrupulous coverage of Lileks's daily routine (dog-walking, conversations with daughter, unsatisfying encounters with store clerks). Conservative themes emerged tentatively at first, with grumpy-old-man swipes at graffiti ("When I see that thicket of cryptic squibbles plastered on a sign, I want to bring back the chain gang") and Monica Lewinsky ("I no more care how she feels about Ken Starr than I care how Al Capone felt about Eliot Ness"). September 11 exacerbated these tendencies to an hallucinogenic degree. Predicted New York would be "nuked," compared a Chock Full O'Nuts Coffee can to "an urn from Atlantis," and imagined his daughter attacked by Osama bin Laden ("Give me a gun; show me the cave") and feminists ("I cannot possibly think of any good reason to ever strike a woman, unless it's the one in the uniform who wants to pry my daughter's arms from my neck because the state has decided all men must leave the household for the good of the People"). MODUS OPERANDI: The Bleat remained thick with such fist-shakings until the 2006 elections, which seem to have thrown Lileks for a loop. Now, he mainly weaves weird culture-war demurrers into his ripely worded chronicles of shopping and child-rearing. So far he's been quiet about McCain and even Hillary, but he refers to Obama as "Cool Brother," which, given his longstanding antipathy to The Boondocks, is dispositive. WHAT TO EXPECT: Long, maudlin reminiscences of Ye Olden Tymes (croquets lawns, village greens) contrasted with fantasies of the Brave New Worlds affected by Hillary (forced repatriations of girlchilds and slut-servicings of Bill) or Obama (forced integration of Target, Wal-Mart).
com) ORIENTATION: Glibertarian (sex, drugs, guns, endless wars) TONE: Gnomic FUN FACT: Self-described "transhumanist": "Once human technology passes a certain threshold . human beings will potentially enjoy the kind of powers and pleasures traditionally assigned to gods or beings in heaven." CANDIDATE: A transparent mystery (see Modus Operandi) STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 5/95 HISTORY: Law degree from Yale. Many books and papers, mostly legal perspectives on firearms ("Kids, Guns and the Commerce Clause") and outer space ("International Space Law: Into the Twenty-First Century"). Began online career as commenter AG Android at Slate ("The groupies I've seen backstage at rock shows are generally not especially attractive"), where he was praised as "the Pride of the Fray." September 11 boosted his circulation (thanks in part to publicity from Fox News) and dramatically reduced the libertarian content. Reynolds cautioned citizens against "being stampeded into giving up their freedom," but also intensified his identification with Bush ("It's clear that adults are in charge") and denounced leftists with increasing frequency and anger ("more than a little in common with Osama bin Laden"). As anti-war sentiment grew, he attacked "Big Media's bias in favor of the left," calling for a "guerrilla media" of bloggers to combat it. MODUS OPERANDI: Expresses overt support only rarely, mostly in reviews of cars and consumer goods. Otherwise cites other (mostly right-wing) writers, adding a few words--or one word (usually heh, indeed, or ouch)--to denote approval. For example, after a lengthy quote in defense of the 1980s Salvadoran death squads, Reynolds adds this: "makes me wonder if making comparisons to Central America will help the Left, or simply bring up a lot of things that a lot of people would rather gloss over today." Inquiries as to meaning are likely to go unanswered, as Instapundit has no comments feature. WHAT TO EXPECT: Quotes denunciatory of Democratic candidates, followed by snotty asides involving Walter Mondale, Robert Heinlein, and Osama Bin Laden.
com/crunchycon) ORIENTATION: End-times conservative TONE: Cheerful when discussing food or "sluts"; otherwise, grimly millenarian FUN FACT: Claims to suffer from "Sensory Processing Disorder," which makes it difficult for him to shop at Wal-Mart. May also be said to suffer from a religious form of attention-deficit disorder, having in the past 15 years moved from the Methodist faith to Catholicism and thence to Eastern Orthodoxy. at the National Review Online, began promulgating "Crunchy Conservatism," a mix of Christian conservatism and small-is-beautiful slow-food doctrines (also the topic of his book). Supported the invasion of Iraq, which he has since denounced; At CrunchyCon blog, Dreher vacillates between anger at Islamofascists and sympathy for Islamic fundamentalism, at least insofar as it resembles Christian fundamentalism. Outraged by a little-seen indie documentary about zoophilia, Dreher asked: "What do you say to Muslims abroad who'd genuinely wonder why, if this kind of decadence is the fruit of American liberty, they should welcome what we have to offer?" Though originally angry at Jerry Falwell's post-9/11 statements, Dreher later decided that "God will judge America, and judge it harshly. " Despite this, he strongly denounces Obama pastor Jeremiah Wright for his "God damn America" comments--which would seem inconsistent, were we unaware of Dreher's feelings on race, as seen in his frequent denunciations of black racism and reminiscences of how he was once denied a job in favor of "a woman or a minority." In lighter moments, Dreher regales his readers with moral judgments (eg, calling a bride who displayed a tattoo on her wedding day a "slut") and his praise of artisanal cheeses and meats. MODUS OPERANDI: Despite anti-war stand, he is typically ChristyCon on most issues. Criticizes capitalistic excesses ("How Wal-Mart Harms the Free Market"); however, his preferred method for reversing this problem isn't social policy but embracing Jesus. Culture war ("This is how the left works: yell bigotry' to silence critics") excites him far more than economics. WHAT TO EXPECT: As always, will vote Republican because of the fetuses, and agitate for the McCain administration to support sustainable yogurt farming.
com) ORIENTATION: Grassroots Establishmentarian TONE: First-draft-of-right-wing-history important FUN FACT: Named "Blog of the Year" in 2004 by Time. "--Hindrocket, 2003) CANDIDATE: McCain STUPID/EVIL RATIO: 30/70 HISTORY: Powerline was founded in 2002 by lawyers John Hinderaker, Scott Johnson, and Paul Mirengoff, all fellows of the right-wing Claremont Institute and contributors to conservative publications. The genesis of their cognomens is unknown, but they've been widely mocked ("Assrocket") and were eventually soft-pedaled by the authors, who favor lengthy dissertations on moral and political topics ("the Clinton-Gore lack of seriousness about issues"), personal essays ("Being a child of the '50s, I don't recall a time when Sammy Davis was not a celebrity . "), and the occasional attempt at...
|
http://csua.com/feed/