3/13 Help. Mother has slowly gone insane in the past few weeks. Claims
to be really sick, takes her to ER, nothing. Does this several
times before we realized she's just lonely. She eats crappy food
like KFC and canned food and is mal-nutrioned yet refuses to eat
"expensive food." She is a complete hazard on the road, and her
place has become a total dumpster and a fire hazard. It's apparent
that her mental capacity and reasoning power has slowly diminished
to... zero. What are some possible solutions? I don't want to
kill her.
\_ this sounds very familiar. I recommend, for the lonely/depression
problem:
1) force her to get social hobbies
2) force her to have regular interaction with people
3) enforce a quota - like going out every day
we went from 1 false alarm ER visit a month to one every 6+ months.
--brain
\_ Thanks but already tried and doesn't work. After 2-3 meetings
people realize she's a total nutcase and avoid her. I mean
I've already lost gf's thanks to her. Socialization is not
for someone who's brain is already hardwired.
\_ What about senior centers? Here in Livermore we have the
"friendship center" or something like that for old people to
hang out at. http://www.larpd.dst.ca.us/friendship.html
\_ Do you equate putting her in a home with 'killing her'? She
sounds like she needs and would benefit from being in a
home. They'll watch over her and she'll have other crazy
old people to hang out with.
Alternately, you could quit your job and nursemaid her
yourself.
\_ So how much is a nursing home going to cost? -op
\_ Sounds like my dad, so I have the greatest sympathy
with your plight. My dad would not consider moving out
of his home until he finally crashed his car and depleted
of his home until he crashed his car and depleted
his bank account, but finally agreed to move into an
assisted living situation, where he gets three meals a
day and his own apartment. This costs $1800/mo, in Riverside
California. It would more in the Bay Area, 1.5X to 2X more
depending on the facility. You can actually get it for less,
but it starts to be pretty primitive.
\_ OH LORD. I don't have that kind of money. I guess I'll
just let her rot and crash into other people like
George Weller or something.
\_ Doesn't she have any savings? Where is she living now?
\_ No. She said she was counting on Social Security.
But I've been mostly supporting her. I don't have
other family members as they're also crazy and
scattered all over the world. It's just my mom
and I, 50 miles apart. I have to admit, this has
been one of the loneliest months I've ever had in
my life. It's times like these that I wished that
I was a Christian or something. -op
\_ How much does she cost per month right now?
$1800 doesn't seem like that much if you include
rent, food, utilities, etc.
\_ Her mortgage is $600/month.
\_ Wheew... I think you'd have to move closer
to her, (or vice-versa) and get a part time
caretaker to clean up and such. Actually,
coversation (relieving loniness) is a big
part of the caretaker job. They are used to
it. It's usually about $10 an hour. (Often
under the table.)
\_ Social Security is only about $650 or so
a month. With a $600 mortage... when did
you say her reasoning powers went to 0?
\_ On what planet is SS $650/month? My
mom gets twice that and she wasn't
even in the highest earner bracket.
\_ Not all of us come from wealthy
households. I think my Dad's is
about $800/mo, though he gets some
CalPers pension on top of it.
\_ My mom isn't wealthy, but she
worked her entire life. Your
dad probably got less because
he had CalPers instead and
didn't contribute to SS his
entire working career.
\_ You might be right there. His
overall pension + SS is about
$2500/mo, which is just enough.
\_ Can you just move her in with you? I thought about this
with my Dad, but he is just too hard to get along with.
\_ oh, no, HELL NO am I ever going to live with
her again. She wakes up in the middle of the
night and vacuums and cleans and moves furnitures.
She will dig through my books and bank accounts
and mess up my private life. HELL NO. -op
\_ My Grandmother never got too crazy, she realized when she was
too old to drive and stopped driving herself. I lived with her
for a while when I went to Junior college, but when I went to
Berkeley she hired a maid and meals-on-wheels.
After a while she brought on a part time caretaker. However,
she was quite happy living a solitary life, reading books and
watching TV, so even when she dingy she didn't really cause many
problems. On the other hand, some realatives lived close by
watching TV, so even when she got a little dingy she didn't
really cause many problems. Some realatives lived close by
and would visit on at least a weekly basis. I'm not sure how
much it cost, but it was probably cheaper than a home, but
she also owned her own home.
\_ tell her to ride bike and use linux -tom's #1 fan
\_ RIDE TANK! BAN GUNS! - tom's #5 fan
\_ Take her to a doctor who knows something about age related mental
disorders. |
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