10/22 Question: I'm over 30. I was out with my girlfriend over the weekend
and I met this hot 22 year old. I tried really hard to not flirt
with her, in deference to the fact my girlfriend was standing right
there. She and her hot 21 year old roommate were shamelessly flirting
with me. They gave their email addresses to my girlfriend. When
my girlfriend was asleep not having sex with me, I carefully copied
the email addresses of the hot chicks out of her purse onto a piece
of paper. I had to get up a lot earlier than her but when I had
driven 10 minutes away, I remembered I left the piece of paper! So I
drove back to her place, carefully sneaked in, thanked G-d she was
still asleep, and retrieved the piece of paper. I emailed the
shorter of the hot chicks. We bantered back and forth and she's
invited me to a home cooked meal put on by her and her roommate.
I've read the email over and over and she has not mentioned my
girlfriend at all. What should I do? TAKE THAT, NOT GETTING
LAID GUY #3! - the original not getting laid guy
\_ This is not Penthouse Forum
\_ "I never thought it would happen to me..."
\_ "...I was on the motd and this girl sees me from across the
internet and..."
\_ Penthouse Forum has a lot of sex going on doesn't it? I AM THE
EXACT OPPOSITE. Also the above is 100 percent true.
\_ I am not typing all my reply to this again. You are on your
own buddy.
\_ Seriously dude, if you're not happy with your gf, either talk to
her about it and try to fix things or break up with her. Don't
cheat on her, that's lame. Shit like this happens to me all the
time, which is why I make a point of dating people who are okay
with it. -dans
\_ My advice exactly. Except for the "okay with it" part.
\_ I disgree. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He's just
'dating' whoever with no strings. There's nothing wrong
with the free love thing as long as everyone is aware they're
in a sex-only non-relationship. In this case, the OP does
have a relationship (even if sexless). He should split and
try out the 22 year old.
\_ Yeah, I don't mean to say that dans is wrong for being
a swinger, just that I would not recommend that to
anyone. Polyamory is a lot of work, frowned on by
society and usually doesn't seem to work out that
well, in my observation and experience. But if you
want to go for it, go for it!
\_ From his description it sounds more like he's just
dating than having a relationship. Hey dan,
inquiring minds want to know: you just sleeping
with them or are you doing the real 19th century
Mormon thing?
\_ polyamory != polygamy
\_ so what?
\_ If you have to ask, you don't know. -dans
\_ I wasn't asking. I was saying, "so what?"
\_ No, you were making a question, that's
what that '?' mark does. Statements end
with a period. Of course, since you
don't seem to grok the difference
between the two, it's no surprise you
don't care that two words mean something
different despite a shared prefix. -dans
\_ Yeah, I am not a swinger, polygamist, nor polyamorist.
I have been in poly relationships in the past, though I
am not presently. But, IMO, part of what makes it
possible for me to date many people is that I am
completely open and upfront with everyone I date.
Also, I kind of find most people's need to label
relationships to be stupid and counterproductive. I
just say, "It's complicated." and leave it at that,
unless someone wants to hear all the gory details. And
no, I'm not airing the gory details for the motd. -dans
\_ If you having sex with more than one person you
are one of those things, in spite of your desire
to avoid admitting it by putting a stupid label
on it. People categorize things for a reason and
the reason is not stupid.
\_ You're wrong. While the reason for categorizing
everything under the sun may not be stupid, when
it comes to relationships, the consequences of
misapplied labels, e.g. rampant miscommunication,
botched assumptions, and generally fubarred
relationships, are pretty serious. Seriously,
I've never met any two people who can agree
completely on what the term 'relationship' means,
and I've seen lots of relationships fail because
the people involved assumed they each knew what
the other meant. -dans
\_ Thus we use specific labels like "going
steady", "open relationship, "just dating",
"friends with benefits", etc to describe
the relationship clearly without getting
lawyers involved.
\_ Yes, and those labels suck, and seem to
cause lots of unnecessary pain. This is
why I avoid them because it forces
actually, you know, discussing the gory
details with people I'm involved with.
-dans
\_ Oddly enough, my wife and I agree on
what "marriage" means and have not had
a problem with it.
\_ So you've never argued, disagreed, or
had a misunderstanding about the
nature of your relationship ever?
Color me skeptical. You wouldn't
perchance be in an arranged marriage?
It's the one situation I know of that
doesn't seem to suffer from this
problem. -dans
\_ We certainly have not had any
disagreements about the monogamist
aspect of it. We talked about it
once, agreed, and that was it.
It is kind of foolish for you to
believe that you are re-inventing
human sexual relationships, from
scratch, in a better way than
any of the people before you could.
Though I tip my hat at you for
trying.
\_ Way to jump to conclusions. I
made no such claim. Nor was I
suggesting there was anything
wrong with monogamy. Nor was I
suggesting that I am somehow
blazing some glorious new trail
that's never been done before.
All I'm saying, the only thing
I'm saying is that slapping a
label on something is not the
same thing as actually talking
through it with another person
and coming to an agreement.
That's it. The semantics of
the language used in
relationship are far more
flexible than the language(s) of
science or mathematics. This
can and often does lead to
needless confusion and
misunderstanding. I really
don't think that's a big
sweeping thing to say, and it
has nothing to do with whether
you choose to fuck people in
serial or parallel. -dans
\_ In the history of human
sexual relationships, we have
come up with maybe two dozen
different ways to describe
the various ways that two
people can be fucking. Using\
one of those words or phrases
is not "slapping a label" on
it, it is using the English
language. Because of the
inherent ambiguity in language
it is a good idea to verify
your understanding of what
the term means with the other
party, yes, but refusing to
use commonly used words
because they can be
misunderstood and instead
use other less commonly used
words in the hope that they
are less likely to be
misunderstood is unlikely to
be an improvement. I think you
are trying to solve the
problem (people misunderstand,
get hurt, disappointed, etc)
in relationships with the
wrong tool, but it doesn't
hurt to try.
_____________________________________/
\_ I think you misunderstand what I'm suggesting. I'm not
suggesting we try to come up with some more precise
terminology to discuss relationships. It's not going to
happen. But I have found that throwing out labels and just
discussing things with partners has been highly beneficial to
my relationships. -dans
\_ If it forces you to communicate more, than I can see how
that might help, but with the great big caveat that you
can talk about things until you are blue in the face and
still end up with hurt feelings. But you have to figure
that one out for yourself.
\_ Go for it man. Or else you'll regret for the rest of your life
after you marry your gf and find that she turns into someone not
what she used to be befone not
what she used to be before marriage. -- guy who has such a wife
\_ I'm considering just becoming Gold Bond My Testicles Instead Of
Convincing My Girlfriend To Have Sex guy #1 instead.
\_ OMG GBMTIOCMGTHSG LOL !!!1!!!
\_ Either break up with your gf/dating-thing and then go wild, or
stick with your gf/dating-thing and forget the other girls. Only
callow, cowardly punks cheat. Cowboy up.
\_ I am not sure I agree with this. In a lot of the world men
have mistresses and it is more accepted. It also saves a lot
of marriages. Just because you want to schtup some chick
doesn't mean you want to forsake your companion of 20 years.
Other cultures realize this.
\_ In a lot of the world people do horrible and dreadfully
unspeakable things to each other we'd slam you straight into
prison for here. If you're cheating you haven't saved your
marriage. You destroyed it.
\_ Says who? Your JudeoChristian church? Bill Clinton?
Having a mistress is not as big a deal as you think to
many people in the world. Did you read about the
Russian basketball player whose wife allows him one
"freebie" a year as long as she doesn't know about it?
How is his marriage destroyed? They both seem happy.
\_ In large parts of the world, women are 3rd class
members of society with zero rights who have undergo
'female circumcision'. If you think that's cool, then
where ever you're from I don't want to go there. Your
anecdotal "I'm a trophy wife and don't want to lose my
rich husband" story doesn't help you any. What do you
think he would say is *she* went out once a year for a
"don't tell me" quickie? She'd be out on her ass in
seconds. That is your idea of a happy marriage?
\_ You make a lot of suppositions here. No one said
anything about double standards or 3rd class
citizens. Are the women in France and Italy 3rd class
citizens? You are imposing your red state morals
on the rest of the world.
\_ If you're going to say "the rest of the world", I
am free to pick any part of the world I want.
I find your "red state morals" line amusing.
Your version of morals is what? "If it feels
good and she doesn't know its ok"?
\_ In Saudi Arabia and Utah, you can have four wives. Why
not just move there?
\_ Not in Utah. Not legally.
\_ One wife is more than enough. A wife and a mistress
is so much better than two wives.
\_ Unless those same places allow women to take extramarital
lovers, you're talking about inequality and a sacrifice of
ethics in the name of convenience. Try harder. Oh, and if you
plan to explore polyamory, have the decency to inform your
partner.
\_ What do you mean "allow"? We're not talking about laws
here, but about cultural attitudes towards casual sex.
\_ Which leads to women being stoned in those same
cultures.
\_ France and Italy?
\_ You never heard of an Italian divorce? In France,
married women can have lovers as freely as married
men.
\_ I've never heard the term "Italian divorce"
but your comment about the French is exactly
my point. No one is getting stoned in
France for taking a mistress and it's a
lot more accepted there than there. I do
believe it saves marriages. I think people
are willing to overlook indiscretions if
their partner is happy. It's not always better
to divorce before philandering - for both
partners. It has nothing to do with Arabs or
whatever the previous person is implying.
\_ You never said France & Italy. You said the
world. Thanks. So you're making the claim that
in France & Italy married couple have rampant
extramarital affairs and it is acceptable? How
about you talk with Sarkozy's wife about that? |
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