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Phil David, our third runner up from the "who has the worst drunken injury" contest, sent me an email basically telling me I should have just assumed he was drunk since he always is. Fair enough, but I still don't think his injury is worse. However, he did send a picture and requested I post it so you Sick Fucks can vote on whether or not he deserves a free CJ t-shirt. So what do you think, is this $20,000 wound worth a free Consumption Junction t-shirt? Though to be honest, he looks like he's more in need of a pair of CJ boxers to replace those Scooby Doo drawers.
Phil As all of you know, this website costs a shit-ton to run, but we keep it free with those lovely advertisers you see poking around every now and then. However, we screen our advertisers extremely carefully, trying our absolute hardest to make sure we're not sending the fans to anyone who's going to pull some nasty shit on them. When you sign up for a personal account on CJ, or when you subscribe to one of our mailing lists, we absolutely never share your personal information to spammers. Bottom line, we hate when people do it to us, so why the hell are we going to do it to the fans? So we were pissed when we started getting reports of some malicious code or maulware that may have been imbedded across the Sick Site Network. just some fucktard spammer sending our fans to their own products. To fix the problem, we've got to find it, but this is a huge-ass site and can take forever to find bugs if it's just us going through it.
com) an email letting us know what you clicked on, the exact website it sent you to, and any other info about what happened. Again, because I know it needs repeating, this is nothing that's going to harm your computer. Just close out of whatever it is and come on back to CJ. We're just trying to figure out who the fuck is trying to punk our fans so we can hunt them down, rip off their testicles, and pin them to the office dart board.
Phil The other day I asked for the best drunken injury stories. Third Runner Up: Ok, February 22, 2007 I'm going from my lanai to the bathroom, I came out of bathroom and somehow lost my balance, crashed to the tile floor breaking my hip. Don't know how or why I was laying on the floor, but I couldn't get up. I liked this one just because it wound up costing him $20K. But since it doesn't mention anything about being drunk, it can't actually win anything. being woken up at 2pm by my best mate and driving to our usual party spot. This was back when I still smoked pot before I proceeded to get intoxicated, so I blame it mostly on that. We all scrounged up some cash and made this guy's mother go on an alcohol run. We never drank beer, or anything under 90 proof for that matter. We mixed a couple drinks for the people who didn't drink it straight (which you shouldn't anyways). It was my turn to take the first shot of the night, which would entail a flaming shot if the alcohol content allowed it. I've done flaming shots before (always drunk though) first time doing one sober. For some reason or another the shot glass I was handed wasn't properly dried. I then proceeded to light it and picked it up, at which the Everclear came in contact with the residual water on the outside of the shotglass, which caused my hand to catch on fire. My hand was now engulfed in 190proof fed flames and starting to burn my jacket and singeing the hair on my arm. I should add that I have some stupid friends, a number of which tried pouring there drinks on me (some of which were unmixed Everclear). Luckily I'm a dodgy guy and wrapped my hand in my shirt while the designated driver poured his rootbeer on my arm. I had some pretty serious 2nd degree burns on my fingers and wrist where my watch heated up. The persons' house we were at didn't have any ice so I spent the night with a drink in one hand and a pack of frozen hot dogs in the other. First Runner Up: Ok, so maybe it isn't an STD but it is still female oriented. I was at a party at my buddy's house one night where we had a get together of our buddies, you know nothing really huge, but big enough to get out of hand really quick once the solo cups have been rinsed a few times over and the first pack of ping pong balls is missing. So the night starts out with a girl from an unnamed website decides she wants to meet up with me. Of course I've already started drinking, so I think what the hell, she looked good in her picture anyways. I had my buddy drive me to the next city over and meet her in a parking lot and when she got out, I fully understood just then, why some girls only put headshots of themselves online. So I figured, hell this ain't nothin' a few drinks can't take care of. So we go back to the party, and decide to bullshit and what not, and she thinks I'd be impressed by a fat girl burping better than me. So I decide to leave her by the fire to go intentionally lose in beer pong, while in the garage my one friend stumbles and falls and scrapes the whole left side of his body pretty bad, so I decide to remove my shirt (mistake number two) and soak his scrapes in some Goose, needless to say he screamed like a girl. So I told the female to stay with him and watch him, as I had a pong game to play. I finish playing and go back outside and find my friend and chubs nowhere, so I'm thanking god my friend took care of that mess for me, until I hear someone scream "FUCK NO YOU NASTY BITCH!" My friend returns and the girl made a move on him, and wanted it in her ass, but he doesn't like that shit. So the rest of us agree to try to run the train on this bitch right on the beer pong table. While we are planning this out, a mini game of basketball breaks out, and as I try to swat a shot, I dislocate my shoulder (mistake number three). Of course all of the attempts to put it back in ain't working, so I figured hell with it, I have a whole night of drinking and train conducting to do - it can wait until morning. So with a dislocated shoulder that rendered my arm useless, and one hand on this bitch's shoulder, I pounded her the hardest I could, got my rocks off, grabbed another beer, and searched the hosts house for Vicodin or anything else I could use to relieve the pain. I went and laid in the living room, cuz my duties were done, when I feel this person push on my shoulder that was dislocated. I reached up and swung, connecting with as much force as I can generate with my right hand and the person got knocked to the ground. It turned out to be the girl, who runs crying as i get back to sleep. Finally morning rolls around and I wake up, and notice the head of the humerous of my arm is completely under my armpit. I convince my friend to take me to the ER to get it fixed after an hours worth of trying to put it back in. As we are leaving my friend gets bit in the ass by the host's rottwieler who removes half of the seat of his pants. Once I was dropped off at the ER I was told I was cussing, kicking, and screaming at the staff there and would not wake up from the anesthetic for approximately four hours later than I was supposed too. Thanks for reading, Michael This one gets props because an arm dangling from its socket is always pretty gruesome. Winner of the Free CJ T-Shirt: I remember it well because this injury has a way of sobering you up real fast. My friends and I were drinking in his garage when I got pissed off at this girl and called her a useless cunt. She picked up an old style road flare, you know the one with the metal spike on the bottom? Well, she took it and stabbed me in the sac with it, through my jeans and it just hung there while I called her worse names and threw a pipe at her head. That has to be the worse drunk wound I've ever had - J Smith It's short and sweet, but God damn... And if you can send us a picture of the wound, I'll even send you a second shirt.
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