Berkeley CSUA MOTD:Entry 44908
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2006/10/22-24 [Uncategorized] UID:44908 Activity:low
10/22   Worst analogies ever written on a HS essay:
        http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/analogies.html
        "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."
        \_ The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way
           a bowling ball wouldn't.
           \_ Plagurize!  Never let anyone else's work evade your eyes!
              So don't shade your eyes, plagurize, plagurize, plagurize!
           \_ Plagiarize!  Never let anyone else's work evade your eyes!
              So don't shade your eyes, plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize!
              \_ Spell correctly! Spell correctly! USE DICTIONARY!
                \_ Thanks, fixed.
                   \- isnt this a reference to the second page of James Joyce:
                      Portrait of an Artist as a Younf Man ... "Stepehen will
                      Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man ... "Stepehen will
                      apologize. Dante said: O, if not the eagles will come
                      and pull out his eyes. pull out his eyes. apologize ..."
        \_ That one's actually clever.
         \_ What do you expect, it was stolen from one of the better lines
            in Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy.
            \_ The bowling ball one was swiped from H2G2, yes, but I was
               referring to the "whatever" analogy; it's clever in that it
               sums up the girl's vocabulary through illustration of the same.
        \_ Those weren't actually found in HS essays, right?  Aren't
           they all from a contest for writing intentionally bad
           analogies? (They're still hilarious, regardless.)
           \- yeah i am sure some of those ... probably all ... are made up.
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paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/analogies.html
Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay * He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Joseph Romm, Washington * She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station * The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. Russell Beland, Springfield * McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring * From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30. Roy Ashley, Washington * Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Chuck Smith, Woodbridge * Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills * Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. Jack Bross, Chevy Chase * The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Gary F Hevel, Silver Spring * Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man" Russell Beland, Springfield * Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph. Jennifer Hart, Arlington * The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. Russell Beland, Springfield * The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria * His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free Chuck Smith, Woodbridge * The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. Unknown Based on an unoriginal article in the Washington Post.