www.pointsincase.com/columns/nathan/8-10-05.htm
Court said to me, "DeGraaf, I want you to travel the country for an entire year and review every strip club you can find. I'll cover the expenses," he'd have to scrape me off the ceiling with a rake. This is why I've been hesitant about touching this topic. I mean, how can you say everything you need to about such a great subject in less than a thousand words? But, to borrow a line from my buddy Jason, "Sometimes you have to fuck up to have fun." So, because one column is clearly not enough for this important topic, I'm gonna use this column and my next four (or five) to address this issue. After devoting an entire month to this issue, I think y'all will have enough strip club information to really see the beauty of this subject. Or, as Peek once said, "They're like bars but with naked women in them. Jason: Nate, why should we listen to anything you have to say about strip clubs? I have been going to strip clubs with much regularity since I was 15 years old. I have been to strip clubs in Illinois, Texas, Louisiana, New Jersey, Florida, New York, Nevada, California, Canada, Germany, The Netherlands and Italy.
If you want to meet the crme de le crme of losers, go to a strip club on Christmas. I had three different people approach me with business cards for their bail bond companies that day. ") I never go on vacation without going to at least one strip club, and I have spent an easy $30,000 in strip clubs in my life. N8: A fake ID, some carefully selected friends, and my own illegal business were all factors that made me an early regular in St. J: Okay, so you have a lot of experiences with strip clubs, but have you ever had any experience with strippers? J: Okay, so how should I behave in a strip club if I want to get the stripper to like me? N8: Because I doubt you are wealthy, in a successful band, or in the movie industry, there's really only one surefire, works-every-time way that you can get almost any stripper you want: bring a lot of cocaine. Here are some other helpful hints: treat them like shit, blow them off, beat up their boyfriends, don't be a sucker (ie give them any more than roughly ten dollars in a night), don't be a deadbeat (ie fail to give them any money at all), and don't speak in complete sentences (these chicks think they're exploiting you because you're dumb--let them think it, destroying their illusions will get you nowhere). I'm always a minor league baseball player who just got signed by the Yankees (they have a minor league team in Tampa), but you can be any athlete or entertainer you want. I suggest you pick the sport or entertainment industry segment you know the most about.
Pretty much all of them were abused in some fashion as children (emotionally or physically, but probably both), most of them will use any drug you can get them, 85% of them are 60% bisexual, and any of them worth not turning away from will have that pseudo-cockiness one can only get from being a beautiful, stupid, jaded young woman. For example, some of them are just artsy chicks who don't mind getting naked and a few are just harmless party girls trying to (honestly) pay their way through school. J: Give me some examples of the lies most strippers tell. Strippers, when they first meet you, always say that they just started their careers. I dated one for six months, and every day was her first day at the club.
These stories always involve some (if not all) of the following terms: "My boyfriend," "My ex-boyfriend," "Prison," "Hospital," "Just moved," and my personal favorite, "Hooters girls don't really make that much money." J: After this column, what are your plans for further exploring this topic? N8: Well, I'd like to do one that compares the different kinds of strip clubs, follow that with one that compares the different kinds of strippers, follow that with one that describes my personal relationships with strippers, and then finish off the series by simply describing a typical night out hitting strip clubs. After that I'll probably import a bunch of coke and open up my own strip club. J: Do you think your editor will have a problem with this topic? N8: If he does, it typically means I'm not being funny at all. J: Finally, are you going to buy the next round or what? Nate's Strip Club Series - Turning boys into men, and girls away from stripping.
Nathan DeGraaf recently earned a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, where he is now seriously considering getting a masters degree as well. On weekday evenings, he can typically be found at any one of a number of North Tampa bars. When not drinking, fishing, watching sports, or having sex, Nathan likes to read, play the harmonica, and show up for work. Throughout the course of his life, he has been arrested six times because, as his father has often said, "the kid is fucking stupid."
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