www.ocweekly.com/columns/ask-a-mexican -> www.ocweekly.com/columns/ask-a-mexican/ask-a-mexican/25306/
E-mail Special FIFA World Cup/three question edition By Gustavo Arellano Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 3:00 pm Illustration by Mark Dancey Illustration by Mark Dancey Why do Mexican soccer fans chant Osama! White Boy Dash Dear Gabacho, You think hurling bin Ladens name is tasteless? How about the Daily Mail columnist who, on the day England faced West Germany in the 1966 FIFA World Cup final, wrote, West Germany may beat us at our national sport today, but that would be only fair. Or the hooligans who greeted Jewish fans during a Lazio-AS Roma Italian league match with a banner that read Auschwitz is your town, the ovens are your houses? Offensive jeers are part of the game, and anyone who cant take the heat should leave la cocina. Jingoism is the main reason futbol is the worlds most popular sport and a global Two Minutes Hate: countries and regions can spill their aggression toward one another out on the pitch and in the stands instead of on the battlefield. Thats why Mexicans love to trash the United States when the two countries play. Ustedes exploit us, humiliate us, dominate us in every socioeconomic category, even beat us in soccerthe United States has triumphed over Mexico in six of their last nine matches, including a 2-0 shellacking in the second round of the 2002 World Cup. So instead of wielding knives, our best revenge is the clever insult, the well-timedChinga tu madre (Go fuck your mother) whistle, and the beer poured upon Landon Donovan as he triumphantly exits the stadium. All the great soccer-playing nations draw rabidly nationalistic fans, and the United States will remain a third-rate country until Americans cry Tacos! Im a bartender, and one of my customers told me MGD stands for Mexicans Getting Drunk. I take it there is a certain level of pride associated with drinking. Spare Me Some Cutter, Hermano Dear Gabacho, I dunnolet me go ask a Russian. Why is it that we Mexicans get teary-eyed and emotional when Volver, Volver is played on the radio, in concerts or at weddings? Chente Chunti Dear Gabachos, If you want to render a Mexican helpless, play this tune of lost love, which translates to Return, Return and is sung by ranchera icon Vicente Chente Fernandez, the guy you see on posters in your local music stores Spanish-language section: gold-embroidered charro outfit, ivory-white teeth and mustache as thick as a folded wallet. Volver, Volver is all about the treacle, with a chintzy organ intro, plodding guitar chords, pussy lyrics (This passionate love/Is all disturbed to return) and Fernandez whimpering throughout . until the chorus, when he roars, Y volver, volver, vooooooooolveeeeeeeeer (And return, return, reeeeeeeeetuuuuuuuuurn). Psychologists have observed that overcompensation on one part of the psyche leads to unconscious manifestations of the other in a concept known as reaction formation, and Volver, Volver allows ChenteMexicos ultimate symbol of mexicanidadto reveal machismos deep, dark secret: Mexican men, for all their bravado, are more emotive than Oprah. With Volver, Volver, Fernandez made bawling the ultimate proof of huevosyoure not a real man if you cant cryand so Mexican men drunkenly howl along in unison in honor of the hombre whenever the song plays.
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