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A Very Itchy Halloween Posted on Tuesday, November 1, 2005 Last night was our first Halloween in our new house, and I didn't know wh at to expect. Last year we were living in a basement apartment, so unles s the little tykes wanted to squeeze through a window the size of a coin slot, we were pretty confident we weren't going to be getting many visi tors. Oh man, this year we have a front AND back door, co mplete with porch lights, shrubbery, and a mailbox. It is now our respon sibility as homeowners to hand out candy to the neighborhood children at least once a year. My wife is currently taking a night course at a loca l community college, so I knew it would be my responsibility to dole out the sugary treats fairly and with great cheer. I am not ashamed to tell you people that I have failed the gods of Halloween. Oh sure, the kids got what they came for, but my heart just wasn't in it. For some reason, as I sat there on the couch waiting to hear the crunchin g of leaves in my front yard followed by a knock on the screen door, my neck and face started to itch. I'm not talking "mosquito bite" itch here , I'm talking "somebody just dumped a coffee can full of fleas on my hea d" itch. I had never experienced an itch such a s this, so I scratched. Soon my head was exploding with an unpleasant tingly sensation. It felt like someone had gouged out one of my eyes, stuffed a funnel in the socket, and filled my brain with itchi ng powder and goose feathers. Between the constant costumed visitors and the dog barking her fool head off in the next room, I was becoming quite cr anky. So yes, the Fairy Princesses and Power Rangers and Frankensteins g ot their candy, but they got it from an irritated, scratching man who ba rely looked up at them as he dumped exactly two pieces of candy in each of their bags.
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