www.theonion.com/content/node/41917
I've seen drawings of fire trucks in my picture books, of course, but how could I have ever known how pale an d insignificant those crude representations were in comparison to the re al thing! This has got to be the most moving of mankind's creations, and perhaps of nature's, a s well. This whirlwind of sensory input is almost more than my tiny mind can proc ess! This incredibl e, life-changing, soul-shattering wonder is... Run to the window as fast as your giant legs can carry you! Whatever you are doing right now, place it aside for a momentit can't possibly be as important as the opportunity to see a fire truck with your own eye s This is quite possibly the greatest experience of my life thus far. First off, it is bigbi gger than anything I could ever imagine! Secondly, it's painted an incre dible, alarming, eye-catching red! Thirdly, it makes the most attention- grabbing sounds: whistles, bangs, gearshifts, bells. No, that's not right: It's high-pitched enough, but missing some cr ucial... No, again, it's got the booming quality, but lack s the screechingly irritating aspect of the higher register. What if I combine the two, in an alternating series of high- and low-frequenc y modulations, and belt it out at the top of my lungs? Surely there are not colorf ully dressed men with powerful bodies, brave expressions, and purposeful toolbelts hanging off the side of the fire truck as it careens around t he corner! They are the most large and most yellow hats I ha ve ever seen. It is as if God Himself has created this piece of machinery just for me! It grows quieter and quieter as it recedes from my visua l field and... It was only here for one fleeting moment, and you never even saw it. My faith in the universe is shaken to its core by the magnitude of what you have mi ssed. You may never be able to comprehen d my experience, for I have seen the fire truck, and I will never think about anything else again as long as I live.
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