90percenttrue.com/index.php?p=41
Either I told you over the p hone, through AIM, or in person. Its a long story, and for the first ti me Im going to write down as much of it as I can. Patton, made a demonstration with two very important and influential books: The Bible and the Origin of Species. The lecture can be summarized in these four lines: Holding up the Bible: This is not a science book. Holding up the Bible again: This is a book about relationships with God. Patton informally stated la ter: The Bible says nothing about how I should repair my car. In a show of defiance, h e walked out of the class mid-lecture in front of everybody. He had sent it t o almost everybody in the class, with the exception of the professors. To identify myself better, I am the guy who walked out of class today. I realize many of you will not like or even agree with what I am about t o say so feel free to delete this now if youd like, but if you have a few moments I have something to say that you might like to hear. The reason I walked out of class today is because I am a Christian. Patton I had prepared myself to do just that very thing if my beliefs were once again attack ed. I dont know if anyone else has been deeply offended by some of the thin gs Dr. Patton has said, but my guess is yes because of the usual make-u p of Baylor Students. Ive been thinking about what I should do in resp onse I cant very well let my faith be trampled upon and I have no in tention of doing so, but as a student Im not given a lot of options. According to our syllabus we can miss 11 classes before we fail, and Dr. I plan on attending the first few mi nutes of Wednesdays lecture, but beyond that I intend to boycott by be ing absent from his lectures. This may be crazy or irrational, but it i s the only recourse I have. Any who are interes ted in joining me, I will remain in the hall outside of the classroom f or the remainder of his lectures. If you would like to join me, Id lik e to hear from you and you may email me at my Baylor address. If you ha ve any other ideas, Id love to hear those as well. At this po int, I had not yet realized that Christopher Stone did not send his emai l to everybody. I now reproduce my letter in full: Hi, Most of you have no idea who I am, though some of you I know personally. To identify myself better, I am the guy who walked out of class today. I realize many of you will not like or even agree with what I am about t o say, but rest assured if you delete this email Jesus will frown on yo u The reason I walked out of class today is because I am a Christian. Patton I had prepared myself to do just that very thing if my beliefs were once again attack ed by logic and reason and scientific claims that can be proven. I dont know if anyone else has been deeply offended by some of the thin gs Dr. Patton has said, but my guess is yes because of the usual make -up of Baylor Students (70% Christian, 20% Adamantly Christian, 5% Fund amentalist Christians, 4% Fingers-In-The-Ears-La-La-La-La-I-Cant-Hear- You Christians, and Me) Ive been thinking about what I should do in r esponse I cant very well let my faith be trampled upon and I have no intention of doing so, but as a student who accidentally signed up for a science course instead of the seminary Im not given a lot of option s According to the bible, Thou shalt not suffer a Witch to live. Pattons heretical teachings in the voodoo field of neuroscience constitutes witchcraft. Therefore, next We dnesday before lecture, I call on my fellow Christians to gather rope a nd kindling so that we may burn Dr. It is my fir m belief that we must set fire to ALL heretics who seek to destory our most cherished Christian beliefs. This may be crazy or irrational, but it is the only recourse I have that might actually accomplish something . Sure, I could boycott class all semester, but who else aside from me would care? Id like to invite any and every one to attend the burning. If you would like to join me, Id like to hear from you and you may email me at my Baylor address. If you have any other ideas (I already considered stoni ng, drowning, and drawing & quartering but feel fire to be more practic al), Id love to hear those as well. My email was sent after Mr Ston es so, following the law of stratification, it appeared on the top of m any peoples inbox. some read both my email and Mr Stones at face value and disagreed with both of us; and some read both my email a nd Mr Stones at face value and agreed with both of us. I forwarded Mr Stones email to everyone I couldincluding the pr ofessorsbut the damage was already done. At first I was told two studen tspresumably freshman girls whove never had an original thought in the ir quaint, conservative lives and who were tragically born without irony -detectorssent a complaint to the Baylor DPS. Later, I was told the oth er professors in the class also alerted the DPS. My guess is, in a place like B aylor, that kind of thing goes on all the time. They escorted me to their office and proceeded to inte rrogate me. Christopher Stone wrote the original email and se nt it to almost everybody in the class. Well we got messages from people who thought it was real. We have Columbines and 9/11s all over the place, and we cant risk this kind of thing. What matters is whats written on the paper, and you said y ou were going to burn your professor. You need to understand that this is no laughing matte r Smirk all you want, but what youve done isnt a joke. Why didnt you put a note at the bottom telling everyone it was a parody ? The smart thing would have been not to send this stupid thing out in the first place. Now let me ask you a question: is this an English class? Alas, they never did go anywhere with thei r line of reasoning. When I told them that my email was a parody and tha t they needed to read the original email, they should have stopped what they were doing and let me show them what I was talking about. The rest of the interrogation proceeded in the same vein. I supp ose the two officers were just trying to scare me ("You can seriously go to jail for what you have written, and thats no joke x 15), but the w hole time I was simply astonished by their utter lack of logical reasoni ng. What matters is that your joke could be read a certain way that indicates a terroristic threat. After I signed my confession, they told me tha t I could not go to class tomorrow. Three of those people got in touch with my great uncle, who was the head coach of all athletics at Baylor. He called the Baylor DPS and told them to let me back into class. Patton explained the whole situation to the class without naming names, but it was pretty obvious that the guy slouching way down in his seat on the front row was me. He made a joke to me before class s tarted: If you want I can go get my coat tree and we can use that as a stake. They do not know how to think crit ically nor are they willing to learn. American entertainment is sorely lacking in irony and subtlety. When peo ple cannot discern that I am joking when I say I am offended by logic a nd reason and scientific claims that can be proven, I am simply amazed. If Jonathan Swift were alive in America today, would he be accused of ea ting babies? Black & White thinking is terrible and dehumanizing, as exemplified by t he police officers who interrogated me. When someone with authority tell s you, Well, we cant let you do this, otherwise well have to let ever yone do it too, they are basically admitting that their argument is cra p They cannot explain why what you did in a particular situation is bad , only that such actions could conceivably be bad.
What happened to you is the kind of bullshit one encounters in a fascist theocracy. It looks as though Baylor harbors the humorless, insecure, misguided leadership which spells the end of intellectual growth for an educational institution. Menken, Dorothy Parker and your fellow satirists at the ONION and the HARVARD LAMPOON show that you are in good company in both your excellent writing skills and your subequent scapgoating by morons on whom all irony and epistolary genius is as pearls before swine. Please do not let this setback cha...
|
http://csua.com/feed/