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Next Entry Who's your favorite faux Christian ex-rock star? "Sit d own and let me tell you the tale of the best night of my life," I anxiou sly reply. I've had my party and said my goodbyes to most of my friends. One group actually didn't make it to the party, but were possibly still coming, and instead of having them w alk into an empty house (literally-- no furniture) devoid of people, I w ent over to their place. They have a few friend s over to their place and are already stoned and drunk, seemingly ready for bed quite soon. I hear mumbling in the other room of some kids leavi ng soon because they have to go see Scott Stapp. My pop culture radar is not currently on, so I'm missing the reference. Instead, I think they'r e just talking about a friend who's driving in from out of town. "I'm fucking walking to Denny's t o see Scott if I have to, I don't care if no one else goes!" one kid say s So I'm curious and ask one of the guys what's going on. He tells me the b ackground story: Apparently, one of their friends met Scott Stapp (who, because I find no problem with conflation, will for the rest of the stor y be referred to as "Creed") at an airport bar and the girl pretended to be interested. At the end of their conversation, he asked for her numbe r and because she was going to Amsterdam, she gave Creed her friend's nu mber instead. The girl then calls her friend and warns her that Creed mi ght be calling her sometime in the future for a hook-up. He flew into Orlando and gave the girl a cal l The girl, thrilled at the prospect of making Creed look like an idiot , plays along. Creed, because his star has fallen quite a bit recently (if you hadn't noticed) eagerly accepts the offer to drive 2 hours to get some pussy. I guess the groupies aren't lining up outside the airport like th ey used to. I heard through the grapevine that night that Creed had actually kicked S cott Stapp out of their band. I don't know if this is true or not as no one on the Internet has any stories about it. But I googled him recently and found out that his solo career isn't taking off nearly like he expe cted, despite being the first released single off the Passion of the Chr ist Songs CD-- songs inspired by the movie. Mel Gibson hand picked him f or a special screening, and he wrote a song after he was so personally a ffected by the movie. Anyway, so the guy who was so spiritually affected by The Passion of the Christ is now hightailing it to Gainesville to tag a piece of ass he met in an airport bar. And he's having his ghettotastic hootchie skanky Jer sey girl sleaze of a sister drive him. Yes, Creed is making his sister d rive him to the Gainesville Denny's for a booty call. So this group from the party makes it over to Denny's, strategically choo sing places all around the Denny's so that we can watch what goes down. It's 3am on a Friday, so of course the place is packed with drunk kids g etting out of the bars, who have no idea what they're about to be in for . Jeanine, Heather, and I all have prime seating-- we're directly next t o the booth with the girl who has been talking to Creed, as well as her 5 friends who are all in on the joke and have been planning extra embarr assing things to do to him. The girl who is keeping track of him via cel l phone convos lets me know that Creed has been in fine form so far toni ght. Here is how one of the conversations went: Creed: "Do you have an acoustic guitar with you in Gainesville?" Creed: "Good, maybe you can help me write my new hit single!" Me, after hearing the story: "I applaud your ability not to vomit at that ." We hear the countdown from the table next to us: "He's in Micanopy!" Creed steps into the Gainesville Denny's, wearing a wife beater and slick run ning pants, desperately trying to find his hookup. The girl who's been talking on the phone with Creed has a friend who rece ntly broke his arm. Cr eed, probably even himself realizing how sucky it is to be the (former) lead singer of Creed, denies it. Then the Denny's cop comes over: "Both of you, outta here! The lead singer of Creed is get ting kicked out of the Gainesville Denny's. Cast arm boy obviously doesn't want our fun to be over so quickly, so he sweet talks the cop and gets him to rescind his ejection. Creedy keeps w alking around, trying to find the girl he talked to in the airport bar, feverishly running to the back to get better cell phone reception and th en moving back to the front to try to find her. Of course, the girl has stopped answering her phone now and the Denny's partrons are just watchi ng Creed walk around looking desperately horny. And the best part is watching the other people as they notice who this gu y is. T hen, 5 seconds later and as soon as he's out of earshot: "Wait, who care s? This is seriously the reaction of every table that I he ar as he walks by. When he walked by, he was at least (AT LEAST) 3 inches shorte r than me. Now there are about 12 people who know about what's going on. And like th e rats in Muppets Take Manhattan who run around under the tables at that fancy restuarant spreading the buzz that Manhattan Melodies is going to be a smash hit show, we start spreading the ruse that has been pulled o n Creed. Soon, most of the tables and the wait staff is informed of what 's going on. To keep him there as long as possible, groups of girls keep going over to him and flirting and trying to find out what he's doing in Gainesville. Cast arm boy even printed out Scott Stapp's headshot and goes over to a sk him to sign it. You'd think that would be an obvious sign that he was being tricked, but apparently Creed is cocky enough to think that peopl e regularly carry around his photograph everywhere like it's an American Express card. Jeanine, perfect brilliant girl she is, ran over to the juke box to see i f it happened to have a Creed song on it. For if "Arms Wide Open" began playing as he was runnin g around the Denny's, I probably would've soiled myself laughing. At the end of the night, we convince Jeanine to go ask to take a picture with Creed by saying it was her birthday (it was, only 4 days earlier). When she goes to get the picture, all 12 of us who are in on the joke ju mp in the photo. Unfortunately, the person taking the picture couldn't w ork the flash, so it just looks like a mess of clumpy dark blobs. But I know that one girl took a bunch of pictures of Creed running around the Denny's-- mostly of the back of his head-- and I want them. Creed eventually got back in hi s car and drove home to Orlando, having unsuccessfully found his pussy f or the night.
If they're willing to publish stories th at solely consist of "I was walking down 48th St and saw Kirsten Dunst a nd Jake Gyllenhall sharing a burrito" then they'd surely find this inter esting, right? I mean, Creed got his ass handed to him by a bunch of dru nk college kids in Gainesville.
Oh No They Didn't communit y, which got read by some powers-that-be and, well, now it's on Defamer. So if you're coming from the Defamer link and finding this story unbeli evable (read: too good to be true), then I direct you to supporting evid ence from others who were at Denny's that night. Before you ask, I don't know these people personally-- I was a friend of a friend who got lucky enough to be swept up in the adventure and experience everything-- but they back up my story (and some were even posted days before mine).
This entry wins because the author corrects some of the details I had wrong (hey, I never said I was perfect... in fact, I was d runk, so you're lucky my details were this good to begin with), expands on the rest of the night (I thought he got in the car and went back to O rlando, but boy was I wrong), and even adds a felonious twist to the sto ry. Enjoy the fun as it spirals into something bigger than I ever though t it could be.
link) And like the rats in Muppets Take Manhattan who run around under the tabl es at that fancy restuarant spreading the buzz that Manhattan Melodies i s going to be a smash hit show, we start spreading the ruse that has bee n pulled on Creed.
link) "Then the Denny's cop comes over: "Both of you, outta here! The lead...
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