rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050811/REVIEWS/50725001
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" makes a living cleaning fish tanks a nd occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of ano ther movie. "Deuce Bigalow" is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience. The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes. Rob Schneider is back, playing a male prostitute (or, as the movie remind s us dozens of times, a "man whore"). He is not a gay hustler, but speci alizes in pleasuring women, although the movie's closest thing to a sex scene is when he wears diapers on orders from a giantess. Oh, and he goe s to dinner with a woman with a laryngectomy, who sprays wine on him thr ough her neck vent.
Eddie Griffin) in Amste rdam, where TJ is a pimp specializing in man-whores. Business is bad, because a serial killer is murdering male prostitutes, and so Deuce acts as a decoy to entrap the killer. In his investigation he encounters a w oman with a penis for a nose.
Rob Schneider took offense when Pat rick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, incl uding a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic." Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Var iety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneid er wrote: "Well, Mr Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find ou t what awards you have won. Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowle dged by His Peers." Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but h e can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either . com award, an d the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement. Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Acto r, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks. But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitze r Prize.
As chance would h ave it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking i n my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr Schneider, your m ovie sucks.
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