www.anglegrinderman.org
org Written by Administrator Monday, 01 November 2004 There are still problems with it and i await the next attack - hopefully this time the vandals will not get in ! and supportive Traffic Wardens, welcome to a brief update of my most recent activities. Amid seemingly unending prob lems and setbacks in my personal life, I remain still active in my quest for fair traffic laws and the eradication of the uniformed vermin who c ontinue to patrol our streets. although at the time I was slightly unsure as to what home actually w as! So to cut a long story short, and glossing over the rest of the happy, he artwarming bits, I have been very busy trying to get my life back on a s table footing so that I can push forward with my political campaigns. I have only allowed myself two and a half hours of free time in the past month and I used that to go and see the new Spiderman movie. I was surpr ised to discover that the producers seemed to have an uncanny insight in to the more mundane side of a superheros life. I, too, take my costume to the launderette, have difficulty in paying the rent and find it incre asingly hard to balance the two sides of my existence. In this respect my life does not run parallel to the classic comic-book superhero. And meanwhile, that eligible bachelor and renowned stud-muffin David Blun kett, has reportedly pulled a gorgeous, American lover. I did call his P ress-Office to complain about the injustice of all this but they flatly denied it, saying that the last time they had seen him he was with an ol d dog. Yes credit where credit is due, Two Jags/Two Jugs Prezza, the man who kil led the railways, has saved a life. Apparently, the person in question w as dragged half-dead and semi-conscious from a river and when he opened his eyes, the sight of Scooby Doos ugly twin, French-kissing him, made him want to live again. If it is true that you get a glimpse of the afte rlife in a near-death experience, then given his decision to return to e arth, I think we can all assume that the poor guys vision of hell was m ore horrific than anyone can ever imagine! The website has been hacked into, has gone off air, had its domain name/ site address changed and even now still exists only in skeleton form. With my private life now returning to rel ative normality and my techno-phobic IT skills very slowly improving ( can anyone recommend a good basic computer guide, if Windows for Dummie s really is for dummies then I need Windows for Retarded Backward Reme dial Dummies), I will very soon be able to put up all the new pictures, stories and features that I have been promising for over a year now! This month has been relatively quiet on the de-clamping front. Perhaps its because most people are on holiday at the moment but I am on ly getting about half as many callers as I was a few months ago. I just hope that it doesnt mean more motorists are rolling over and coughing up the blackmail ransom money. Anyway, hopefully I will get more callers in September because I miss the drama of the liberation process. The roar of the crowd and the smell of the two-stroke exhaust, darling! O ne incident that does stands out is a mission that was carried out about 3 weeks ago off of Oxford Street in central London. One of my brothers had called the hot-line and informed me that he was clamped in Binney S t and that while it was very close to the capitals most famous shoppi ng road, was in itself a very quiet area with no cctv cameras. What he d id not tell me was that the street was one-way and that to avoid driving out along its length and turning into Oxford Street itself (grid-locke d even at that late hour) I would have to park the car some quarter of a mile away! I decided to free the guy but told him that he would have to help me back to the car with me carrying the grinder and him carrying the remains of the wheel-clamp (evidence). For some reason (I didnt have time to ask why), this guy was also wearing unusual clothes and we ran for 5 long mi nutes through the streets of London, each carrying our heavy payload and puffing away like an unfit Del and Rodney Trotter, trying to get to the ir fancy dress party before anyone could see them. Another highlight of the past month was my girlfriend getting her period. We have not been seeing each other for very long and bearing in mind ou r present circumstances (she is very busy with her work and I am deeply irresponsible), the last thing we needed was another little superhero ar riving on the scene. For two long weeks we waited and sweated until she rang me from where she is working in Belfast at the end of last weekend and told me the news, on a day which I am calling Bloody Sunday. Which brings me neatly back to the subject of David Blunkett. Since writing the previous piece on him, the newspapers are now reporting that his American lover is pregnant and by implication, that it is his child. I can not help thinking, however, that the poor guy is the victim of a cynical honey-trap and that right now he is saying to his friends: she told me I was taking precautions! But the last word this time has to be devoted to the subject of the convi cted rapist, Iorworth Hoare, who won 7,000,000 last week on the nationa l lottery (or Lotto as it has been re-branded, now that Camelot know w e are all on to them and realize that its much more likely to find a bi n-liner full of money in the park, than it is to get 6 numbers up and ar e therefore trying to get us to take part purely for fun). Through a deep sense of injustice (or jealousy), I, like nearly everybody else in the country, believe it to be thoroughly unfair that someone so despicable and undeserving could win such a vast sum and be allowed to keep it. To anyone who accuses me of breaking the third rule of satire: Never mock the afflicted, I refer you to clause 23, sub-section 5: U nless they are a politician. Hello and welcome to the all-new and (soon to be) all-singing, all-dancin g, website of Angle-Grinder Man, the worlds only Wheel-Clamp and Speed C amera Superhero/Vigilante cum subversive Revolutionary/Philanthropist/En tertainer type personage. And to old suppo rters who thought I had dissappeared and been silenced by the authoritie s, fear not! Your friendly neighbourhood AGM is back on a new website address, rearing to go and ravenous for more yellow, metal scalps. Sini ster shadowy forces will never hold me back for long. As before, the purpose of my site is two-fold: Firstly, it serves to publ icise and promote my free wheel-clamp removal service. And, Secondly, it is intended to act as a forum to consolidate and galvanise public opini on and give voice to the frustrated and disenfranchised silent majority on the issues of wheel-clamping, speed cameras, toll roads, congestion c harging etc etc. Since my launch last year, I have had hundreds of crazy escapades regardi ng 'near-miss' declamping incidents, staying ahead of the unfriendly peo ple who want to trace me and my colourful life in general. These stories and loads more stuff will be appearing here shortly. If you are in the South-East of England and find your vehicle wheel-clamp ed, then call the Angle-Grinder Phone hotline immeadiately on: 079841210 43.
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