6/30    A really good friend of mine got married 2 years ago. I was his
        best man. At first, we still contacted each other, but gradually,
        he got busier with his wife and more and more involved with his
        wife's [retiring] parents' business. His wife's parents also live
        with them every weekend. I mean it is cool and all, but I find
        him to be a lot more flaky than ever. It was getting harder and
        harder to reach him because he was always busy doing something
        outside of work, for his wife's parents' properties like
        receiving/cashing rent from tenants, fixing up pipes, calling
        for electricans, etc. Last year he also had a baby, and according
        to him he doesn't even see the baby 4 out of 7 days because he's
        so busy, so he leaves the baby with his wife's parents on week days.
        This year I have an extremely difficult time just to say helo to
        him. I can't even get past the phone-- his wife ALWAYS picks up the
        phone, and we'd have to go through 1/2 hour of small talk before
        I can reach him. Even his wife knows more about what I've been
        doing in the past few months than him because of this. And just 3
        weeks ago I left his wife a message but he just never responded.
        I wrote him an email and a week later he gave me this lame excuse
        that his SIM card broke and lost my number so he couldn't call back.
        I gave him my phone # via email but he never responded or call back.
        All I wanted was to say hi to him and see what he has been up to
        in the past few months without hearing it from his wife. It's like,
        after you get married, you're better than everyone else because
        you're too in love or something so you don't have to talk to
        anyone else. Is this common with married people?
        \_ I'm the op. Let me add that she controls all of his
           actions, from who he gets to hang out with to who he can talk
           to on the phone. I get especially annoyed when she sits by him
           whenever we talk so that she can hear what he's talking about and
           butt in our private conversation. She controls the entire family
           budget and has the final say on every purchase. He has a high
           paying job but hates it. Early this year he reached a new low in
           his career but his wife somehow convinced him that he should
           be safe and stick to it to pay for the house they could barely
           afford, and for the sake of his new kid. The thing I can never
           forget, is that his wife refused to let him have any bachelor's
           party. I may as well add at this point that while he's a liberal,
           she's one of the most stubborn Bush supporters and he would not
           bring up any political discussion at the dinner table because he
           may end up sleeping on the couch that night. The weirdest thing
           is that he actually tells me that he enjoys his wife giving him
           directions. I've never heard "Yes dear" so willingly, and so
           frequently from a big grown man, without any objection or
           opinions. He used to be outgoing and outspoken, and now I don't
           know who he is. I no longer consider him a friend. Life goes on -op
           \_ I think the phenomenon of some guys getting completely pwn3d
              by their significant other is fairly common. They're so grateful
              for the nookie or whatever.
        \_ yes. - married & isolated.
           \_ Is this what you highly desire or just a consequence of
              being married? Do you or your wife want to know or share
              every bit of privacy you used to have? How do you feel?
              \_ more like, this is just what happens... life gets busy.
                 I can't imagine how much worse it would get w/a baby.
        \_ Dude, people drift apart.  It happens.  -John
        \_ You can't expect a married man to have the free time any more,
           especially when he has a baby/kid.  - a married man with baby
        \_ My wife went back to Japan for a month last summer to help out
           her parents. I was amazed at how much socializing time I suddenly
           had. After she came back, I was amazed at how little I missed
           having socializing time. Time is indeed relative. Your best bet
           is to keep making the effort and just remember that he has a lot
           more on his schedule these days. --erikred
           \_ My wife and I are now working on maintaining one social dinner
              a week with friends. Just doing that has required ridiculous
              effort and forward-planning and we don't even have a kid. Well,
              might not. We haven't checked in a couple weeks. -- ulysses
        \_ I remember reading an article where it says that men tend to
           stop socializing and keeping and making new friends after
           getting married, and becomes more and more isolated, whereas
           it isn't true for women.  So married men tend to have fewer and
           fewer people whom they can talk to and confide in as they
           get older.  The article thinks it's unhealthy.
           \_ If I were the bdg I'd say something to the effect that the
              article says marriage is bad for men, PERIOD.
           \_ Did the article take into account online friends?
           \_ I think this is pretty true for me.  My wife stays home to
              take care of the baby, and I go sit in front of a computer
              all day.  Having a baby actually encourages one to get out
              of the house because the baby likes to go out, and friends
              can entertain and help watch the kid. Computers are
              isolating, and when I get home, she wants together time.
              So, yeah, I don't really socialize anymore.
           \_ But they say married men live longer than single men.
              \_ perhaps the comparison is with married women and
                 with married men at their earlier pre-marital stage of life.
                 basically the gist of the article is that for men, most
                 of their closest friends were made before they got married,
                 then there is a sharp dropoff.  it wasn't comparing
                 married and unmarried men.
              \_ You missed the second half of the sentence: "...... but
                 married men are a lot more willing to die."  Google for it.
        \_ Wow, I just posted a long and thoughtful answer but some dickwad
           deleted it. Thanks asshole.
           \- what exactly are you complaining about? your friend becoming
              a ball-less bitch to his in-laws? the wife having some ulter-
              ior motives? your friend changing preferences in how to spend
              his time? it sure seems weird to "complain" the wife enjoys
              speaking to you on the phone. based on the language you use
              above, you seem to have some issues. i have close friends
              i hardly see any more (due to kids, wife etc) but when we do
              the depth of the friendship is still there. the only thing that
              has caused tension is my radicalization due to Greater BUSHCOs
              cockroach like activities. oh and he may have an inkling that
              i dont like his wife (she wont make small talk. she spends all
              her time making petty complaints or braggings about how
              wonderful and cool her life is).