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ranscript of The Editors' regular Saturday-night poker game with Dick Cheney, 6/19/04. Sounds of cards being placed down, dealt, retrieved, and rearranged in ha nd. We have accumulated overwhelming evid ence that Mr Cheney's poker hand is far, far better than two pair. Note this satellite photo, taken three minutes ago when The Editors went to get more chips. In it we clearly see the back sides of five playing card s, arranged in a poker hand. Defector reports have assured us that Mr C heney's hand was already well advanced at this stage. We are absolutely convinced that Mr Cheney has a t least a full house. Colin Powell really hit a homerun for the Administratio n right there. My dad played a lot of poker in World War 2, and he taught me many things about life. But we would like to see the card s, or else we can't really be sure he has anything to beat two pair. Jonah Goldberg: Liberal critics of Mr Cheney's poker hand contend that " he doesn't have anything". Cheney has alrea dy showed them the six of clubs, and yet these liberals persist in sayin g he has "nothing". Why do liberals consider the six of clubs to be "not hing"? Matt Drudge: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE**** *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT***** The Drudge Report has learned that Dick Cheney has a royal flush, hearts. TE: Perhaps if you could just show us a subset of your cards which beat 2 pair? DC: We will show you our cards after we have collected the pot. It is imp ortant that things be done in this order, otherwise the foundation of ou r entire poker game will be destroyed. Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his pre-collection claims about beating two pair. Now liberal critics complain that Dick Chen ey's cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same libe rals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher educatio n It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long as it da mages Republicans. MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE**** *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT***** A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in racial pro filing in blog-linking. You've got a eight and ten of hearts, a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. In another sign of liberal desperation, l iberals now complain that a ten high is "nothing". Apparently, liberals hav e never heard of a "skip straight". But if you skip around the missing nine, it's a straigh t Alan Colmes: Mother says I mustn't play poker. Brit Hume: It seems like some people are still playing poker like it's Se ptember 10th. Back then, you needed to have all your cards in order to c laim a straight. But, as we learned on that day, sometimes you won't hav e perfect knowledge. Sometimes you have to learn to connect the dots, an d see the patterns which are not visible to superficial analysis of the type favored by the CIA and the State Department. Dick Cheney's skip str aight is a winning poker hand for the post-9/11 world. Rush Limbaugh: Do The Editors have two pairs, or a pair of twos? Andrew Sullivan: Dick Cheney never said he had a straight. but, taken together, the combinati on of all possible hands presents a more compelling case for taking the pot than simply screaming "Pair of twos! as unprincipled liberal critics of the Vice President so often do. MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE**** *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT***** Did The Editors claim to have "a pair of Jews"? Zell Miller: As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I believe Dick Cheney, and I hate liberals and Democrats. William Safire: Why are liberals so obsessed by Dick Cheney's poker hand? If liberals are upset that we are no longer playing by the Marquis of Queensbury patty-cake poker rul es, they clearly lack the stomach to play poker in the post-September 11 th environment. And why do they never complain about Saddam Hussein's po ker playing, which was a thousand times worse? Christopher Hitchens: The Left won't be happy until the pot is divided up equally between Yassar Arafat, Osama bin Laden, and Hitler. Ann Coulter: Why do liberals object so strenuously to the idea of conserv atives having a "straight"? Perhaps because it doesn't fit in with the r adical homosexual/Islamist agenda they hold so dear? Report of the Bipartisan Commission on Poker Hands: There is no such thin g as a "skip straight". DC: I have access to poker rules that the Commission doesn't, and so I kn ow for a fact that the cards in my hand are all intimately connected. Vladimir Putin: I dealt Dick Cheney three aces and two kings.
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