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| 5/25 |
| 2005/1/11 [Recreation/Dating] UID:35648 Activity:very high |
1/10 When girls say "I don't care (whether you are the 'best' or not)"
and "I just want to be with you", are they serious or they are
\_ Why/when would she say this? Did you ask?
just saying it to be nice? I know girls don't put as much
importance in sex as guys do, but it's hard to imagine if they
can "not care", I mean obviously this depends on the girl, but
how often does a girl stay with someone who's not that great
in bed in real life? I mean all guys would want to believe
they are great in bed, but just like anything, some guys are
better than others, and I can't quite imagine why girls would
settle with someone being only OK in bed rather than someone
who gives them mind blowing experiences... so what happens in
real world? How much do girls care about sex? -silly sodan, not troll.
\_ Women vary tremendously in the importance they place
on sex. Much more so than men, in my experience.
Unless I had a good reason to think otherwise, I would
believe her on this. -sodan with lots of experience
\_ Also, you can always work on getting better. Talk with
her about what she likes and what you like. Be creative.
Be communicative.
\_ Would you dump a kind, attractive, compatible woman you really
got along with just because she was bad in bed? Or, what if
she was good in bed and then something happened (e.g. an
accident)? When we choose life partners (or just potential
life partners) there's a lot more important than if we have the
best sex ever. That is, OK is OK if everything else works. I
doubt most women would want to stay with their best fuck ever.
I know most men wouldn't, since good sex equates to lots of
partners in many cases and many men freak out when they find out
women aren't virginal (or even close by a mile).
\_ Is this due to gene or society? -serious question
\_ Is this due to gene simmons or society? -serious question
\_ How is an attractive woman bad in bed? I mean, you're a dude,
right?
\_ Dude, there's *a lot* more to good sex than mounting and
thrusting; not only interms of enthusiasm, but in terms of
what she's willing to do, and whether it's pleasant when
she does it, or just damn painful. It also matters what she's
willing to let you do, and whether she can figure out how to
make it more comfortable and enjoyable for you. Otherwise,
you're better off fucking a sack of potatoes, since they
don't ask for dinner afterward and will at least stay moist
from beginning to end.
\_ Sack of potatoes? Jeez, you could at least come up with
an inanimate object for which it's physically possible.
Your metaphore is dumber than a wet donkey with one sail
in the water.
\_ heh, wet donkey with one sail in the water....that
cracks me up. I'll have to remember that one.
\_ Seconded! I salute your skill in neology.
\_ Well if she doesn't seem to enjoy it that would turn me off.
Of course you could say that's not the chick's fault.
\_ Hahahahaha, u are funny man.
\_ This was a joke, but imagine if that woman was horribly
disfigured. If she'd still be worth a fuck then she's
good. If not, she's just a living fantasy.
\_ Would I dump a kind, horribly disfigured, compatible
woman who was good in bed? Doh!
\_ I prefer women with experience for that very reason. -swloe
\_ At least when Anna Nicole Smith said "I don't care", she really
meant it.
\_ Yes. I'm terrible in the sack, but my wife has stuck with me for
years. And, no, she's not cheating, thanks for asking.
\_ Yes, but is she still fucking you? Mine won't anymore because
I'm not enough. I'm not kidding.
\_ This is why the Europeans have both a wife and a
mistress. They fill different roles.
\_ You realize this is an American fantasy, right? Actual
survey data puts the French infidelity rate below the
American. The rich have mistresses there, jsut like here.
The rest of them deal, just like here.
\_ Probably because the women there are better in bed
to begin with. Regardless of your survey, it is
more accepted to have a mistress there than it is
here.
\_ I went and re-read a synopsis of the survey results.
It agrees with what you are saying, but not quite
the way you might think. http://csua.org/u/anx
\_ Read this and don't think it addresses the
issue at all. It assumes, for instance, that
a married person having sex with one partner
is having sex with his wife. Plus, it is
self-reported. Not sure people want to admit
in a phone survey to a stranger that they are
having an affair.
\_ What exactly is wrong with you?
\_ He's married.
\_ No. I know plenty of happily married couples that even
do a lot of fucking, though that is less common among
at least the people I know about. There is not
necessarily wrong with either of us (believe me, we've
been over this in gory detail for years). THe case now
is that I'm just not what she wants. I'm probably
asking for a divorce soon.
\_ Gonna divorce over some poon or are you not
getting along in other ways? |
| 5/25 |
|
| csua.org/u/anx -> www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_1_38/ai_75820035 Cross-national or cross-societal research on the conduct of i ndividuals has only become possible as large-scale survey research metho ds have become more routine. In the area of sexuality the emergence of s urvey studies has been part of the scientific response to the HIV/AIDS e pidemic during the 1990s (Catania, Moskowitz, Ruiz, & Cleland, 1996; While these studies were often shaped by issues rel ated to the HIV/AIDS epidemic in each country, the data gathered offer s cientific information on sexual life that can be used for purposes of cr oss-society comparison of the sexual conduct of individuals. The present research takes advantage of the availability of such data to examine, from a comparative perspective, the importance of social struct ural forces in the shaping of sexual conduct in France and the United St ates. Since France and the US are popularly viewed as representing dif ferent models of how sexuality is managed and expressed, the availabilit y of simultaneous national studies of sexual behavior provides an ideal opportunity to compare the social organization of sexuality. The surveys in both France and the US (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994 ; Spira, Bajos, & the ACSF group, 1994), the findings from which are to be considered here, include sufficient material to allow for a detailed exploration of some of the key social factors that influence sexual cond uct. The present study proceeds from the perspective that sexual conduct should be treated as a social behavior that needs, itself, to be explai ned by the social factors that organize and condition it (DeLamater, 198 7; Even the Kinsey studies, which were rooted theoretically in evolutionary biology, offered empirical ex planations of sexual behavior which were based on social factors such as gender, age, religion, social class (as measured by education), generat ion, and marital status. Of these variabl es one of the most significant is the role of living in a couple as a pr imary regulator of the sexual behavior of individuals in western societi es. Unlike other social variables which sort individuals into specific c oupling networks defined, for example, by race, ethnicity, education, ag e, or religion, being in a coupled relationship affects participation in the sexual/affectional marketplace and is the social arrangement inside of which the majority of adult sexual activity takes place. Being in a couple affects eligibility for sexual relations (in and out of the relat ionship), and in all western societies the couple represents the relatio nship around which reproduction and consumption are organized. An understanding of the significance of the sexual/affectional couple, as a social practice and norm organizing the sexual life of the general po pulation, has evolved over the course of the last several decades. In th e studies of Kinsey, Pomeroy, and Martin (1948) and Kinsey, Pomeroy, Mar tin, and Gebhard (1953) the sexual activity of the adult population was conceptualized in reference to the married couple. Marriage functions as the situati on valorized by society for the exercise of sexual activity and as the m ost frequent situation in the adult population for the practice of coitu s Other sexual relationships--premarital, extramarital, and postmarital --were evaluated in reference to marriage and not per se. In the national studies of sexual and reproductive life conducted in the early 1990s, and in particular in the two studies on which this work is based, marriage and the heterosexual couple no longer constitute the nor mative starting point for describing and measuring sexual activity (see also the widespread study of nonmarital cohabitation in the recent demog raphic and family literatures: Bumpass & Sweet, 1989; In the two studies of interest here , this concern with identifying particular sexual behaviors and specifyi ng precisely the type of partner with whom that behavior occurs called i nto question the taken-for-granted status of the (heterosexual) couple a nd the institution of marriage as the normative social locus of sexual a ctivity. These studies focused on the identification of the type of part ner with whom the respondent was involved in terms of gender, age, and t ype of relation or situation. Marriage, while remaining the most prevale nt type of partnership in the two countries constituted only one possibl e form of relation among others (Michaels & Giami, 1999). This shift in perspective also allows one to more objectively include (or differentiat e) both same-gender and mixed-gender relationships. In addition, to the extent that marriage is no longer the only form of coupling, we investigate whether being married has a specific influence on sexual life as compared to cohabiting with a partner without being m arried. Finally, we attempt to describe how not living in a couple, that is, not sharing a common domicile, influences sexual life. Since the co uple constitutes the most widespread social organization of the relation s between adult sexual partners, we hypothesize that the model of the co uple is likely to exercise a general influence on sexual life of all adu lts including those who do not live in a couple. Our analysis is based on the recognition of a wider diversity of the type s of relations in which contemporary individuals are engaged. In the second part of the paper the influence of these d ifferent situations on the character of sexual partnering and sexual act ivity (frequency of sex and sexual practices) is analyzed. This influenc e is studied controlling for other social factors such as gender and age . This work focuses on mixed-gender couples and heterosexual activity for s everal reasons. First, we are interested in the effect of diverse forms of coupling, including the distinction between marriage and cohabitation . However, there is no easy way to reproduce this distinction for same-g ender couples, since at present there is no recognition of same-gender m arriage in France or the US (though this may be changing). In addition , while the rates of homosexual activity are low in both countries they differ somewhat in their social organization and might therefore obscure differences that exist associated with the primary explanatory variable of relationship status. Finally, in terms of sexual practices such as o ral sex, we confined our attention to mixed-gender couples to avoid poss ible differences in meaning and significance these acts (fellatio and cu nnilingus) might have within heterosexual and homosexual partnerships. C omparative analysis of same-gender coupling and sexual activity is curre ntly under way and will be treated in a subsequent article. |