11/16   How can "not feeling sexy" be a reason for a woman not to have
        sex?  Doesn't the fact that someone wants to have sex with her
        make her, by definition, sexy to that person?
        \_ Welcome to the world of women.  They're wired differently.  I
           start believing that they are somehow related, species-wise, to
           managers, who are also strangely circuited.  Women don't seem to
           want/like sex at all (except for yermom.)  Valid excuses for not
           having sex with you, beside the obvious (fat bastard, smell bad,
           and the same goes for you) include time of month, feeling
           unattractive for whatever reason, lights on, lights off, it's
           Tuesday, that thing you said when talking to Bob & Vicky three
           years back, it was in January, yes you know the one, solar flares,
           and the general state of the world.  This is a species that may
           have a PhD in astrophysics and her own company, but still gets off
           reading trashy gossip mags at the gym.  Get used to it, you can't
           win.  As a guy, you are immediately placed in the category of
           people whose thought processes do not extend beyond "whoa, a pulse,
           maybe she'll sleep with me."  They don't give us more credit than
           that.  Best thing to do is just accept it, or ignore them.  -John
           \_ Most women enjoy sex. You must be a crappy lover.
              \_ Beyond any doubt.  They're still bizarre.  -John
              \_ I dispute this. Most women enjoy sex at some point, but
                 not most of the time. I think that as a relationship
                 matures they don't enjoy sex like they did in the
                 beginning. This is true of men, too, but men like sex
                 so much that they still want to have it. Women would
                 rather paint their nails, read a magazine, or impale
                 themselves on sharp hooks.
                 \_ Too true. Sex gets boring after a while. Then
                    the relationship gets boring. Then it goes down
                    the shitter and you start looking elsewhere.
                    I guess the point is is to find someone you can
                    delude yourself to be interested in enough for
                    a long enough period of time that you just don't
                    give a crap about it anymore and just live with it.
                    Sometimes a relationship is kind of like having a
                    roommate that you fuck on occassion. That's just
                    life, people get used to each other after a while.
                 \_ I'm sorry you are such a bad lay.
                    \_ Said the soda virgin.
                    \_ I'm sure you've been in lots of long-term
                       relationships. If you have you would know. If
                       you're a playboy then of course you think women
                       enjoy sex, because you're not around long enough
                       for it to matter. I could go find lots of single
                       women to fuck, but that doesn't change the fact
                       that women overall just aren't that into sex beyond
                       the courting stage.
                       \_ there's a huge difference between 'not being into
                          sex' and 'not being AS into sex'.  I've met, known,
                          and been friends with many women that have very
                          aggressive libidos.  Most I've spoken to at length
                          express great enjoyment of sex...when their lover
                          has at least a modicum of skill.  Sadly, this isn't
                          a skill that guys typically seem willing to learn, or
                          are just too prideful or embarrassed to admit they're
                          lacking.  women don't generally hit the big O easily,
                          and many rarely can get there with just wham-bam
                          penetrative vaginal intercourse.  put the pride aside
                          and you'll be a much better lover in the long run.
                          \_ Of course there are nymphomaniacs that can't
                             get enough sex. I have met some of these.
                             However, most women just aren't into sex
                             beyond procreation after the novelty wears
                             off. I'm not looking for extremes, but
                             commenting on the average.
                             \_ Nah man, I mean, I've never actually HAD
                                sex, but I've got all these videos that
                                show that women all love lots of sex, and
                                always reach the big O!  It must be you.
                             \_ I'm not talking about nymphomaniacs or
                                extremes.  As for 'most women not being into
                                sex etc' -- I'm not convinced it's a problem
                                with women in general (or an issue that can
                                be attributed to them).  Do you really equate
                                'aggressive' with 'nymphomaniac'?
                             \_ I have been in three long-term (> 18 month)
                                relationships, and in all three cases the
                                woman was more interested in sex by the end
                                than she was at the beginning.
                                \_ Wow. 18 whole months. I find this
                                   anecdote hard to believe, frankly, but
                                   perhaps you attract women who can only
                                   get off with people they know well.
                                   "Hypoactive sexual desire disorder involves
                                   little or no interest in any type of sexual
                                   activity. As many as 50% of patients who
                                   come to sexuality clinics for help complain
                                   of hypoactive sexual desire, and most of
                                   these are female. Approximately 22% of
                                   women and 5% of men suffer from this
                                   disorder. Prevalence of female arousal
                                   disorders is hard to estimate as many women
                                   do not consider absence of arousal to be a
                                   problem. [Editor's note: That is, they see
                                   it as normal.]
                                   \_ What's your source?  (I'm assuming that
                                      your numbers are based in some sort of
                                      clinical study and not wishful thinking).
                                   \_ 22% is one in five.  Meet more women.
                                      \_ Seriously.  The poor guy clearly has
                                         has some bitter and painful
                                         experiences with women -- sadly he
                                         seems really insistent on blaming his
                                         inadequacies on women.
                                      \_ 22% are so sick as to not be
                                         interested in sex AT ALL. That
                                         does not mean the other 78% are
                                         out there fucking like rabbits.
                                         Meanwhile, only 5% of men have
                                         this problem. Almost all men like
                                         sex, while lots of women do not.
                                         It doesn't take a PhD to figure that
                                         out. I have had women tell me
                                         that they do not care if they
                                         ever have sex again (I was a
                                         friend and not their partner).
                                         You think a man says that?!
                                         \_Isn't masterbation better than
                                           having sex with an unattractive
                                           partner, or does motivation and
                                           having the lights off make up
                                           for it?  (I am the poster below!)
        \_ Not feeling sexy may be a euphemism for a variety of things.
        \_ Your argument is based on the assumption that women are logical.
           \_ or that men are.
        \_ Try to ease off the pressure, turn up the romance, and just take it
           easy.  It may take time, but the rewards are worth it.
           \_How many of you are dating somebody unattractive but you figure
             when the lights are off, it's not that hard to forget, unless
             they smell or are really heavy and it is better than masterbation?
             This is a serious question.  I can't understand how so many really
             unattractive people are in relationships.  I would throw up before
             having sex with a lot of these people.  Thanx in advance for
             feedback!
             \_ I guess the 'sad' answer is you get use to them after a while,
                and then you might actually develop feelings for them, and
                after which appearance is probably less important. Think
                about it this way, do you ever cared how your mom/dad looked?
                But you might care a lot of something were to happen to them.
                Same thing, they may not be the best eye candy, but once
                you become attached to them and have real feelings, those
                things are less important...
                \_Unattractive people can be good friends.  I just dont think
                  about them in "that way."  The feelings can come over time
                  but initially aren't you disgusted when you kiss them or
                  see them naked?  Or is everything different with the lights
                  off?  Thanx!
                \_ What I noticed is that sometimes after getting to know girls
                   whom I find very attractive at first, their personality
                   starts showing through and affects my perception of
                   their physical beauty , and I would start thinking,
                   "huh?  how come I find this girl attractive back then?"
                   And w00t!  My beautiful, kind, and hardworking dream
                   girl was really sweet to me today!  I am in heaven!
                   \_ She said "Hi!", huh?