www.gutfest.com/usanumberone/traveloneway.html
Montreal, Canada from $329 per person A Grand Old Time in Vieux Montreal With cobblestones, 350-year old churches, and la language Francaise (Fre nch for We speak French so we dont seem so freaking Canadian) in the ai r, visiting Montreal is like visiting Europe except without the history and colder. Those wishing to stay beyond their tourist visa for politi cal asylum from a fascist regime plan for a year wait for citizenship. Includes: Flight (one way), Hotel, French Snootiness from guys who shoul d be playing hockey and saying eh?
Toronto, Canada from $280 per person Big City Fun and yes we are in Canada Its not all Hockey and Mounties up here. We have always been accepting i n letting political dissidents across our borders as long as they live in peace and leave the moose and flying squirrel alone. Close enough to drive to America for tho se times you want to spend too much money on prescription drugs. Includes: Flight (one way), Hotel, That "I cant believe Im in Toronto in November" feeling.
Mexico City, Mexico from $374 per person You Say Burrito, I Say Antojito I'm kidding, I don't speak Spanish. I know I can pay a 10 year old kid 35 cents a day American to translate for me. You think just Republicans can exploit foreign labor and ignore children's' rights? Mexico City d efines flavor for food and art lovers alike. If food and art aren't yo ur thing, it's a $8 bus ride to Tijuana where hookers are as common as big-money lobbyists in DC, and the donkeys get fucked just like in DC; well in Tijuana they get proper fucked and it costs less than your free dom to watch. Includes: Flight (one way), Hovel, The freedom that comes from drinking $4 bottles of Tequila every day and not knowing what you're doing.
Probably want to see Paris now, before the US bombs the place. W has already signed off on the bill to ret urn the Statue of Liberty to the France because, according to one White House Official, "it's French and we don't need nothing reminding us o f Liberty standing around." The major drawback to being in France is t he French hate anyone who isn't French. when was the last time you heard anyone say "I got my ass kick ed by a Frenchman in a bar fight"? This is the ultimate trip for disil lusioned liberals from the US who really want to piss off conservative acquaintances.
Amsterdam, Holland from $489 per person Ogle Van Gogh, Revel in Rembrandt, Get Stoned Dude. Amble along centuries-old canals, and delve i nto the lives of Dutch Masters with enthralling exhibits in their land of origin. go get 8 ounces of the kindest bud you can fi nd in 8 flavors and hit the live sex shows. This is what Las Vegas, New Orleans and Branson would be like had the Christian Right and so called do-gooders in Wash ington had lost the war on organized crime. If there's one way to spen d the next four years - it's completely baked out of your mind. Keep i n mind some of those aging hippies you see stinking up concerts are dir ect results from never fully recovering from their trip in the Nixon er a Not responsible if you become a stinking hippy. Includes: Flight, Hotel, Taxes & Fees, Free chance to relive college day s without fear of being thrown in jail, two-for-one coupon for Red-Ligh t district shops, chance to try heroin.
Havana, Cuba from $FREE per person I'm not really a Doctor but I Play one on a Communist Island. Why pay for a trip out of the country when countries will pay you to vis it?
uba is having a special offer to bring US Citizens to their sh ores for a special 4 year program that offers free room, board, tuition to attend medical school and spending money. Suddenly that looks a lot better that my crappy student loans. You will enjoy fine Cuban cigars and rum while learning how to operate on people in this fully hands-on working classroom. Seriously you can smoke and drink while in the ER operating on someone; Finish top of the class and get a special assignment and high paying job that will r eally give satisfaction to you if you're a Bush hater; New York to Denmark, to Canada , to Portugal, to Honduras, to Cuba- sorry fucking embargo ya' know), D orm, Taxes & Fees, tuition, bus-pass, trip to see Hemmingway home.
Mars from $12 Billion per person Create your own Utopian Society Be the first person to set up a sustainable ecosystem on another planet and declare yourself king. Charge large fees to rich liberals to join you in your own kingdom amongst the stars. The project could pay for i tself in 8 years if the large number of liberal actors, producers and w riters join you on your red continent. Rebuilding Hollywood on the sol ar system's fourth planet will cost a little more at the box office but what do you care of the stupid Earth-dwellers anyway? Imagine being a ble to say welcome to Planet Hollywood, Hallywood, Planet Mars. neither NASA nor the ESA can hit Mars with a rocket with any sort of regularity- missile strike unlikely to land an ywhere near you. Non-fatal: well to be honest this you'd the first living thing we sent so technically 0%. One or t wo robots made it with only minor scratches, dents and scorch-marks. Th ey were made of an a nearly indestructible ceramic/carbon/titanium allo y). Also includes: oxygen tank, air-tight-bio-hazard suit, copy of the book "Women are from Venus- Hope you Brought Porn".
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