9/27    If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
        \_ Lion.  Many wives.
           \_ Lions usually get only 1 or 2 years when they rule the pride.
              After that, they are chased away by younger and stronger lions,
              which is also why they often kill the baby lions, so the
              female lions get into heat again - no time to waste.
                \_ so that's how they get more sex. Too bad it doesn't
                   work for me                  -married and getting none.
                   \_ How do you married people who aren't getting any cope?
                      Affairs?  Probably not an option for many of you.
                      Porn?  Do you force your wife or bribe them with money
                      or gifts?  Serious question.
                      \_ If you seriously never get any then you should get
                         divorced. Have a talk about it at least.
                   \_ you married someone with kids?  lions don't kill
                      their own offspring, just someone else's.
        \_ Baboon.  Ruining your sex life with stress.
        \_ Bonobo. No explaination needed.
        \_ Buffalo.  Just following the alphabetical trend.
        \_ Bird. Flying must be awesome.
           \_ don't you fly in your dreams?
        \_ Butterfly.  Nobody ever suspects the butterfly.
        \_ Human.  They have opposable digits and large frontal lobes.
           \_ Yeah, but humans tend to split the usage 90/10 between the thumbs
              and frontal lobe.
        \_ Troll.  Oh wait ...
           \_ fictitious creature.
        \_ Iguanas seem pretty well off. Just sit around in the sun, and
           nibble on plants. A large migratory bird could be nice but with all
           the humans everywhere they must have a hard time these days.
           \_ why not a well taken care of dog?
              \_ I don't know, the dependency on the master makes it kind of
                 an undignified life. And there's the butt sniffing thing.
              \_ Gets to satisfy the female master when the male master is at
                 work.  Nobody would suspect a dog for adultery.
           \_ Don't Iguanas turn into Roadkilled Iguanas fairly often?  Or
              is that Armadillos?
              \_ I was thinking of the Galapagos ones, or other tropical
                 places. And if you're thinking of N. America that's armadillo.
        \_ Dolphin.  So long and thanks for all the fish.
        \_ I wanna be a grizzly bear in alaska - great scenery, all kinds of
           sushi, sleeping in a cozy hole for the whole winter, ruling the
           wild, a relatively long life, lots of sex, scaring silly hikers
           and campers, licking honey, mauling mooses, cute chubby cubs,
           all are appealing to me.
           \_ Until we drill the ANWR...then we're coming for your hairy
              bear ass!
              \_ And smelly old Chinese men will take your gall bladder!
                 \_ Plus the palms.
           \_ Sashimi, not sushi, unless you've got rice and special vinegar.
           \_ lots of sex? bears?  really?  i'm not sure about that.
              \_ Ever since I visited Bern in Switzerland when I was
                 a kid and saw two bears in the zoo there copulate for
                 like an eternity, I was under the impression that
                 bears get lots of sex.
        \_ I'm pretty happy being human.
           \_ Learn to read.
        \_ Crocodiles.  Nice design, no natural enemies (except humans
           possibly).  Predatory, at home in the water and on land.
           Lives a fairly long time.  Looks like a nice life.
        \_ I want to be a monkey, cause I can then be President of the
           United States.