www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/27499971.html
On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriends building by United States Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet. Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop $45 where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots $50 including labor. They explained to me that people - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriends place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how fucked up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night. You couldnt just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasnt enough for you, was it Crackhead? This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night.
But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2 drive ratchet. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount Im 25 it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8-to-1/2 drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2 ratchet anyway so its probably not worth it to take it back now. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. I mean, the fucking saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Please, Crackhead, please dont tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldnt possibly be that stupid. Ive decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. Here are my options as I see them: 1 Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night.
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