5/20    Anybody find themselves in a similar situation: You have a good
        friend of the opposite gender.  This person is either married or
        in a serious relationship with a loser.  The loser doesn't display
        any obvious jealously (and there is no reason to be jealous), but
        does seem to quietly sabotage your relationship.  Like saying
        "I'm feeling tired and want to go home" or just becomes moody
        and ruins things.
        \_ "no reason to be jealous" doesn't sound accurate
           \_ Not in a sexual sense.  I think he knows he is a loser.  He
              probably makes less than half of what she and I do, for example
              so he is always lobbing to go cheap on things.
              \_ it sounds like you are the loser.  -tom
                 \_ Why do you say that?  Nobody is showing off.  It's more
                    like after going out to dinner he wanted to go home or
                    go across town to a bar where drink are $1 cheaper.
                    He also doesn't have a car so he always needs to be
                    picked up.  Isn't it embarassing for guys if the woman
                    has to pay for bar and restaurant tabs because you are
                    always short (this isnt some Bad Boy Hells Angels type).
                    \_ here's a hint: the world doesn't revolve around you.
                    \_ Is this person married? I'm tending to agree with
                       tom here.
          \_ Maybe it should be rephrased "doesn't know he has a reason to be
             jealous"
             \_ I sort of expected this to be challenged.  But you have to
                accept that at face value.  This is someone I've known for
                a long time, gone on trip with together etc.  If something
                were going to happen, it would have.  I dont want it to.
                In fact I always make sure to give them some space.
        \_ I hate hanging out with my wife's friends and family, and I'll
           make excuses so we'd leave as early as politeness allows when
           they are around.  Most of the time I'll just ask my wife to go
           stag when they will be present.  Is the loser SO insisting on
           showing up, or is your friend the one bringing the SO along?
           \_ I dont think this is a case of not liking me.  He seems
              perfectly happy to talk about sports or movies, when "the
              women" are doing something else.  I wonder if his behavior
              would change if I were not single.
              \_ You obviously don't like him much, I doubt he loves hanging
                 with you. Stop being an arrogant asshole.
        \_ sabotage your platonic relationship?  eh?
           \_ basically it's a case of "my buddy got hooked up, and now I've
              lost my buddy" -- which happens all the time
              \-Many of you are "begging the (non)hypothetical" ... surely
                if a guy says "he's not after a woman" you can take take
                that at face value. This sounds very plausible to me,
                especually around here ... say your are friends with someone
                from school and she hooks up with someone who was doing well
                back in the 1990s and then became a (fat, in poor physical
                condition) <DEAD>dot.com<DEAD> causualty and became a bitter lemur with
                no car. --psb
                \_ And...? She likes him. This dude needs to mind his own
                   business. What's his question?
                   \- i think the question is whether to antagonize the
                      Lemur. You should tell him to "get a (job|car)". --psb
                   \_ I guess what he really wants to ask is how he can win her
                      over or at least get into her pants.
        \_ Sure, this happens with both male and female friends, if their
           new lover doesn't get along with me or thinks that I am a bad
           influence. He is just jealous, in the general sense, not the
           sexual sense. Does he try to drive away all of her friends?
           If so, that is a warning sign of an abusive personality.
           \_ You might be on to something there!  He is really moody, and
              they do have a lot of fights sort of in public.