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2001/6/12 [Politics/Foreign/Europe] UID:21489 Activity:moderate |
6/12 An American in Europe: http://www.salon.com/politics/feature/2001/06/12/itinerary/index.html \_ USA #1!!! \_ and you wonder why http://Salon.com is going bankrupt. |
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www.salon.com/politics/feature/2001/06/12/itinerary/index.html -> dir.salon.com/politics/feature/2001/06/12/itinerary/index.html President, so listen up: Keep plenty of Marlboros handy and don't mention the war. By Tom McNichol - - - - - - - - - - June 12, 2001 | FOR THE PRESIDENT'S EYES ONLY From: White House Travel Office Re: Your first-ever trip to Europe Dear Mr. President: On the eve of your historic five-day, five-nation trip to Europe, we've prepared this backgrounder to help make your journey an enjoyable and successful one. Before laying out your itinerary, a few general comments. Even though you've never been to Europe before, you'll find it's very much like America, only smaller and less advanced. There are McDonald's in every European country, American movies playing in all the theaters and Marlboro is the No. Although most Europeans speak a foreign language, many can be convinced to speak English if you're persistent and speak slowly and loudly. One of the biggest differences between America and Europe is the money. Also, European money looks very different than American money, and some of it isn't even green. Try not to refer to it as "funny money," as this is a sore subject with many Europeans. Your American Express card will be honored in all of the countries you are visiting, except possibly for Slovenia (we're still checking on this). If you find yourself without cash or credit cards, many European merchants will accept payment in Marlboros. ITINERARY June 12: Madrid, Spain At approximately 2130 GMT (3:30 in the afternoon Austin time) Air Force One will touch down in Madrid, Spain. Spain is a modern industrialized country with a population of 40 million people and a gross domestic product of $677 billion. The country's climate is mild, and the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. The people of Spain speak Spanish, one of the two languages you speak. Spanish food is also very much like Mexican food, although the Spanish do not have nachos. The capital of Spain is Madrid, the city you will be visiting. Take care not to bring up World War II at any time during your stay in Spain, since Spain was neutral during the war and probably would have come in on the Nazi (losing) side if it had fought. Also, Spanish fly does not actually come from Spain, nor is it really an aphrodisiac, so it's probably best to avoid this subject altogether during your visit. June 13: Brussels, Belgium At 0930 GMT (4:30 in the morning in Austin), you will land in Brussels, the capital of Belgium. Belgium is a modern industrialized country of 10 million people with a gross domestic product of $243 billion. The people of southern Belgium are known as Walloons, and speak French; Most Americans consider this needlessly confusing and find it easier just to speak English until someone responds. The Walloons are a fat, jovial people while the Flemish are not as unhealthy as they sound. |
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