4/35    Is it ethical to date a girl who is in a serious relationship?
        P.S. her bf is a major f*** luzer. Does that make a difference?
        \_ Sure.  Just as long as he's willing to have a twosome.
        \_ Sure.  Just as long as he's willing to have a threesome.
        \_ If it's a question of honor, just ask yourself ... "What
        \_ OH, yeah.  Of course it's OK.  I have no doubt that you are
           rescuing this girl from a fate worse than death.  You go,
           Romeo.  "Et tu, luzer?"
        \_ Just give the BF luzer an offer he can't refuse.
           -Michael Corleone
           would Worf do?"  If it's a question of being cool, ask
           yourself ... "What would Fonzie do?"  Those guidelines
           apply to everything in life.
        \_ don't bother to read this next bunch of crap, and fuck the bitch
        \_ Maybe she's just confused and wants to make the bf jealous
           so that he'll show his love for her by kicking your ass.
           Once she's "woken him up" and made him "realize how much
           he really loves her", she'll dump you like
           already.  Dumbass.
        \_ Is it ethical for the woman who is in
           a serious relatiosnhip to be dating you? wtfyta?
        \_ http://www.girlfriendstealer.com
        \_ If you can stand the CHAOS (re: drdrew), then always remember to
           be the GUEST STAR -- so BRING a friend.  (Sex and the City). -robin
        \_ Look, she's not married to him, right?  She's willing to date?
           There's a reason why she's willing to date, because she wants
           something better than what she's got.  Is it unethical to offer
           her something better than what she's got?
        \_ If you don't mind some other guy in the future thinking the
           same way about you and her, go for it.
        \_ If she fools around on her current bf, who's to say she won't do
           the same thing to you?
        \_ Ethics has nothing to do with it.  She has free will.  You're not
           do anything she doesn't already want to do.  Don't be an egotist.
           forcing her to do anything.  Even if married, she has the right and
           option to get a divorce.  You do not have the power to 'make' her
           do anything she doecsn't already want to do.  Don't be an egotist.
           Don't be a manly prince doing The Right Thing by following some
           bizarre standard of ethics only you adhere to.  Don't be the
           patronising idiot you sound like.  She has a choice in the matter.
           It's *always* ok.  Even to pursue a married woman.  She has the
           option to tell you to fuck off if not interested.  I'm a married
           man and have no problem knowing my wife is getting hit on at work
           you want this woman.  If you thought the boyfriend was an OK guy,
           everyday by both men and women.  They have the right to try and
           yourself.
           she has the power to blow them off.
        \_ My rule on this is simple: don't break up a good thing.  Besides
           the obvious meaning, there is the underlying belief that, if you
           break up a good thing, someone else will come along and break up
           something good that you have later.  This raises the question of
           how do you tell if something is a good thing?  If the bf is a
           luzer, then I'd say no, but don't be so quick to make that
           judgement.  Of course you think the boyfriend is a luzer-- afterall,
           you want this girl.  If you thought the boyfriend was an OK guy,
           then you'd have a much harder time justifying your actions to
           yourself.  Ask a friend what he/she thinks, perhaps a mutual friend
           of yours and the girl you're interested in.  Better yet, ask the
           girl about the bf.  There's almost always a bit of idealizing that
           goes on when describing a significant other, but you'll probably be
           able to tell pretty quickly whether the faults outweigh the
           benefits.  One last thing: corollary to my rule that you shouldn't
           break up a good thing.  You're obligated to break up a bad thing.
           -dans
           \_ You're confused.  You *cant* break up a good thing.  You don't
              have that power.  Your entire line of reasoning is patronising
              and demeans her ability to choose for herself.  She may be with
              the biggest loser on the planet but choose to stay with him no
              matter what you do.  She may be with the biggest winner and
              leave him for a total loser like you.  Again, it's because she
              has chosen to do so.  Making yourself available and pursuing her
              has *zero* ethical implications for the guy hitting on her. None.
              Zip.  Nil.  She has free will.  Stop your patronising bullshit.
              She'll stay or go as she pleases no matter what you decide, do,
              or think.  She isn't an object.  No wonder so many young men
              have such a hard time getting laid.  You completely and totally
              fail to comprehend this one simple fact.  She's a person.
              As far as your theory about someone else coming along later if
              you do it now.. that's total bullshit. Your actions now have
              absolutely no bearing on what some other guy will do down the
              line.  There is no cause/effect relationship between you and
              the future actions of an unknown individual.
              \_ I think dans is saying "This is the way I think people
                 should do it," and the responder is saying "That's what
                 you think, but don't feel guilty if you want to hit on a
                 spouse, because that person can decide on their own."
              \_ What the free will wanker is missing is that free will is not
                 a given.  She can think for herself?  I don't take that for
                 granted.  And no, I'm not being sexist.  Plenty of guys can't
                 think for themselves either.  And even if someone generally
                 has a good head on his/her shoulders in day to day life, most
                 people get all fucked up when it comes to relationships, and
                 there capacity to decide goes out the window.  In immature
                 relationships (and one can't judge if the relationship in
                 question is mature or not without more information), one
                 person usually has a not wholly insignificant degree of
                 control over the other.  In said situation, the "other" has
                 had his/her will subverted, and it cannot accuartely be said
                 that he/she can think for him/herself when the relationship
                 is concerned.  Hence, the obligation to break up a bad thing.
                 Free will is a choice.  Even if you are born free, which,
                 despite your rosy enlightenment-inspired worldview, is not
                 guaranteed, you are only free so long as your will is YOUR
                 will.  This is not always the case. -dans
                 \_ Say what?  Being with someone has zapped them of their
                    free will?  Do you even know what free will is?  Unless
                    drugged or put through a Soviet era brain washing program,
                    she has free will.  You're a patronising idiot.
              \_  You're basically correct, but you're missing the other
                  implications of the fact that she can think for herself.
                  From how I read the original question, he asked "is it
                  ok to date a girl..." not "is it ok to hit on a girl..."
                  The implication being that he can DEFINATLY date her,
                  presumeably because her bf is such a goon.  But that
                  raises the question of, why doesn't she just dump him?
                  If the guy is so bad, she should just flat out dump him,
                  not go looking for people on the side.  The fact that
                  hasn't just dumped him means she hasn't got he head on
                  straight, and you shouldn't date her because she's a
                  fruitcake, not because it's not ethical.  And no, I
                  \_ There's a big difference between "should I?" for silly
                     pseudo-ethical reasons and "should I date a nutcase?"
                     Some of us like nut heads.  That's just a personal
                     preference and is an entirely different issue.  Her
                     current relationship status has nothing to do with her
                     state of nuttiness.  -likes em nutty
        \_ Actually I just want to sleep with her and see what it is like.
           I don't want an actual relationship. AdviceP?
           \_ Hahahahahahaha.  This is the question about "ethics" you had?
              Forget about the girl, you should go hook up with Alanis
              Morissette and start making "ironically ethical" babies
              left, right, and center.  -- alice
                \_ *LAUGH*  I agree.  To ask about ethics and all this other
                   philosophical bullshit when all he really wanted was the
                   motd's permission to get off is pretty fucked.  The boy
                   needs to grow up or just visit a hooker if he wants to
                   know what sex feels like.  I don't think Alanis is
                   available any time soon, though.
           \_ Fuck ethics and whatever else you want then.
              You could die tomorrow, why waste an opportunity to live
              and share some loving and pleasure (however brief) with
              another human being? Unless, of course, it permanently
              maims/disfigures/diseases you.
                  don't care how beutiful or kinky she is, crazy girls is
                  trouble.  -jrleek
                        \-Should you steal your friend's CDs while he is taking
                        a shower? He has free will and can lock up his CDs.
                        What if he is a wanker or stole the CDs in the first
                        place? what if he stole them from someone who is a
                        wanker? What if he didnt like the CD and it is your
                        favorite CD?