www.sexuality.org/l/sex/fatsex.txt -> www.sexuality.org/l/sex/fatsex.html
Fat sex About Positions and Attitudes The Mythology of Obesity tells us that sex with a fat partner is either fruitless or impossible. It's a prejudice that crosses all boundaries of race, class, education, and physique: you're as likely to encounter it in a gynecologist's office as in the pages of The National Lampoon. In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety than adiposity. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbor feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology Today, "neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether his partner is ready. The social pressures they endure create numerous obstacles to sexual interaction. The most direct effect comes from dieting: prolonged semistarvation can seriously dampen the libido, and a woman who is losing weight can experience a disruption of her normal menstrual cycle. Indirect effects of prejudice include a lack of opportunity, a history of rejection, and a negative body image. Apart from agonizing experiences of rejection, I discovered a lowering of expectations. Women felt they were risking too much rejection by even contemplating a relationship with the sort of man they wanted. This is a circular situation which can only be broken by women acquiring self-esteem and confidence in their sexuality. While they are prepared to accept second best - whatever that may mean for them - those arrogant men who talked about going on 'mercy missions' will continue to claim their place in sexual politics. Fat men have even less opportunity for sexual interaction. Bess, "men still are presumed to be the sexual initiators, and such fat men are inhibited from approaching woman by the fear of rejection. Instead of going through the grope-and-fumble stage in adolescence, he has to do it as an adult. Thus, the average FA displays all the sophistication and tact of the Festrunk brothers. Taken together, these social side-effects mean that the average fat man or woman tends to be somewhat sexually retarded, though perfectly capable of catching up with their thinner peers if the right situation presents itself. Among the more notable findings she culls from the recent literature are these: * The sexual functioning of the hyperobese falls within the normal range. Limited sexual opportunity, rather than lack of desire, is their real problem. Thus some obese persons actually may be more sexually active than their nonobese counterparts. But let us suppose that you've found the right partner and you've found the right attitude, but you just can't seem to find the right position. What doctors don't know about fat people and sex could fill an encyclopedia. It is frightening to be asked, by a man with eight diplomas on his wall, if you have ever "achieved penetration" with your wife. In an effort to dispel such ignorance, I've undertaken an exhaustive search of the literature on fat sex. I find that those authorities who have taken the trouble to investigate the matter report that obesity is rarely, if ever, a barrier to intercourse. Fat is never stored in the penis, nor does it choke off access to the ovaries (as Hippocrates taught, and generations of physicians believed). In fact, the human body is remarkably well-designed for storing fat in large quantities. Mother Nature keeps fat away from the vital and sensory organs, away from the joints, and away from the genitals. But she did not attend the NAAFA meeting at which my wife and I met a charming couple and their beautiful year-old daughter. Both the man and his wife weighed easily in excess of 300 pounds. Grosswirth did pause to wonder if a woman of 700 pounds might have difficulty with intercourse. He had apparently missed an item in the New York Times, datelined March 28, 1936. Gertrude Karns gave birth that day to a healthy 9-pound 3-ounce baby girl at a hospital in Shreveport, Louisiana. The icing on the cake is that the father, Cliff Karns, weighed a hefty 304. The Karns, alas, did not leave us a manual to quote from (or even a set of diagrams). But several other authorities on sex (self-proclaimed and otherwise) have addressed the matter of obesity and intercourse. A few betrayed a vested interest in finding that fat sex is uncommon or unpleasant, and their comments have been omitted. Many authorities still hold the notion that a fat man simply cannot perform in the dominant position. Oliver's authoritative textbook Clinical Sexuality states that "Marked obesity of the wife, especially of the thighs, pelvic girdle and abdomen, can make intercourse in the standard position well-nigh impossible. Those with practical experience in the matter adamantly disagree. Conventional sex is rarely impeded by any degree of fatness: experimentation and a few minor adjustments are all that the average fat couple require. If penetration is still difficult, it can help to put one or more pillows under her buttocks. If you use two pillows, entry will not only be easy, it will be different. If you raise your legs to a certain height, the angle of penetration and the points of friction will be different than if you raise your legs to another height, or if you do not raise them at all. This will be a little easier if the woman places a pillow beneath her buttocks. Prop yourself up with your hands rather than your elbows, and lower yourself gradually. At the first indication that your weight is uncomfortable for her, raise yourself again. A fat woman may find it difficult to breathe while lying flat on her back, and a fat man my find it difficult to catch his breath while doing the work of lovemaking for an extended period of time. In such cases, a couple can follow the same "stop-and-start" method advised for men with premature ejaculation problems. The man first stimulates the woman to orgasm without intercourse. The couple then has intercourse in the female-dominant position, and finally in the male-dominant position. As this last is usually the most stimulating position for the male, he is likely to finish before either partner runs out of air. FEMALE-DOMINANT POSITION- This position comes highly recommended, both by those who write about sex with a fat partner and those who have experienced it. If there is much abdominal fat, he can lift it up with both hands, as the woman straddles over him with her knees bent, facing him. As with any such assumption, it's best not to judge the case without a trial. I have had incredible sex with a 500-pound woman sitting atop my pelvis, her belly tucked up to my chin like a comforter. It didn't last long, and it required a good store of oxygen, but it was incredible. It was never painful, and it always provided mutual satisfaction. Writer Jack Jardine interviewed several fat women on their sexual technique for Penthouse Variations, and found one who was particularly outspoken on the subject. Adrena (he tells us) says she loves being on top, "because I'm more in control and can get penetrated deeper this way. Since my hips are wide and I've got so much belly I've noticed that sometimes it's real hard for the guy to penetrate me completely so I'll take my hand down there and help him, maybe extend my vagina with my fingers and make sure he gets everything in there. When I'm on top I can reach around from the rear and make sure the cock goes all the way in. Friedman, "the man lies on his back and the woman straddles him with her back facing his front. She then inserts his penis into her vagina from the rear. If the man's penis is particularly short, or if the woman's internal anatomy is positioned at an unusual angle, it may be literally impossible for a couple to copulate from the rear. Nevertheless, many coup...
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