2/4     Dear sodans, my wife and I have been trying to have a baby for the
        past 6 months without any luck. What is the best advice you have?
        Like best day/time to have sex, etc? ok thx.
        \_ it takes 9 months to come out
        \_ A little known fact is that all the cures for warts found in
           Tom Sawyer will also help you conceive.  They only work if you
           record them on video, and put it in a public directory in
           csua, though.  Start with the dead cat in a cemetary.
        \_ Thank you for relieving the boredom.  I await the motd replies
           with great anticipation.
        \_ Stop doing her up the ass.
        \_ you mean you and the mailman are both sterile? what're the
           chances...
           \_ Try FedEx.  USPO never comes on time.
        \_ please post your address and a good time when I should try to
           come over to help
        \_ find out when your wife is fertile.  Go see doctors.
        \_ Insert the male dongle into the female port
        \_ If none of these suggestions work, try seeing a fertility
           specialist.
        \_ Don't do her every day. Your sperm count would get too low. You can
           see a doctor and have your stuff checked out. They can advise you
           on the monthly cycles etc.
           \_ stuff? which stuff is that?
           \_ I believe stud dogs and horses are bred <= every 2 days.
              \_ And?
                 \_ Therefore it might make sense to try every other day.
                    \_ Yeah... I couldn't tell if your "<=" was agreeing or
                       disagreeing.
                       \_ 'Less than or equal to every 2 days'
                          \_ "every two days" is not a number. I guess I needed
                             an "often" in there somewhere.
        \_ Are you wearing tight briefs?  If so, switch to boxers.
           \_ And stop riding bike (nothing to do with using Linux), unless you
              always ride it standing-up with your butt away from the seat.
              \_ How do you know that using Linux doesn't make you less fertile?
                 \_ No I don't, but I don't know otherwise either.
        \_ Throw her out of the house and order up a new mail order Russian
           bride.
        \_ If your wife has regular cycles, ovulation is at 14 days after the
           first day of period.  So concentrate your effort to between the 11th
           day and the 14th day, because sperms can last three days inside her.
           I used this rule in reverse to avoid having a kid, until my wife
           threatened to divorce me.  A couple months later she got pregnant.
           \_ *Laugh*  This is the best thing on the entire motd.  Classic.