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| 4/7 |
| 2003/11/9-10 [Recreation/Media] UID:10995 Activity:high |
11/8 OK obligatory Matrix Reviewed (no spoilers)
-Should have been Matrix: Revolting
-I think I saw Superman flying by in the background in that
scene up in the air
\_ Mark my words: that scene will make superhero fights (and,
by extension, real comic book movies) a reality within the
next 2 years.
-The machines wanted to whack the humans to get rid of all the
horrible actors
-The "equation": Hugo Weaving: good actor. Keanu: bad
actor. It all balances out.
-That scene at the end: "taking out the trash".
-The machines were pissed at the humans because they all live
like a bunch of slobs
-Cases with 300 rounds of machine gun ammo go a long way
-The subway has a terrible dental plan
-Having caviar smeared on your boobs makes them grow (see:
Monica Belluci)
In short, this was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It's
bad on an epic scale, made even more so because it follows a movie
that I already thought was the worst I'd ever seen. In fact, I think
that this movie can't have been made this bad accidentally--there must
have been a higher purpose, an "architect of bad", so to say. All
things that have a beginning must come to an end. Thank fucking
god for that, is all I can say. -John
\_ good review John. This movie is the biggest waste of money since
Waterworld. They basically took every cliche from about 6 different
genres and stitcged them into a script. When I think of how many
episodes of South Park or how many hong kong movies could have been
made with the budget it just makes me angry. However I'm not sure
you can blame Keanu's acting at all- given the script I don't think
even good acting could have saved it. -brain
\_ It isn't over. They left it wide open to be a serial movie.
\_ The brothers have gone on record stating there will be no more
movies. We'll see how long that statement lasts...
\_ I call bullshit on them. Who doesn't REALLY like money?
\_ let me get this straight. you didn't like the first two movies,
but you went to see the third in the theater and were suprised
you didn't like it? this takes the stupidity of John to new
heights.
\_ The first was good, the second was useless, I hoped the third
would be better. And learn to troll, that was a pretty feeble
attempt. -John
_ And no, even "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown was far better."
/
\_ God, you're a fucking moron. How'd you learn to type and
\_ John, you either don't watch a lot of movies, or you have a
breathe at the same time? I liked the first one. It had
suspense and story and character development and and and. The
second one was horrible. I had a reasonable hope the third
would be better. And sign your name; you're a pretty hopeless
troll. And it's not an exaggeration--not a single person I
spoke to who'd seen it (all of whom are a damn sight more
intelligent than you obviously are, you mental cabbage) agreed
that it was the single worst thing they'd seen. Get a clue,
you miserable dickless wonder. People like you should be
neutered. Froth spite hate. -John
tendency to exagerrate.
\_ I liked the first movie a lot. The second movie was one of the
\_ Maudib!
worst movies I've ever seen. I have not seen the third, but I
can imagine it is as bad as described since it was filmed at
the same time that the second one was. --dim
\_ The sad part is going on some message board filled with matrix
fanboys / apologists. Every negative comment is ripped to shreds,
inevitably with the argument "you just don't get it" or "you don't
appreciate the masterful complexity and depth and profoundness".
\_ A non-fanboy, non-"you don't get it", semi-positive review:
http://csua.org/u/4xr (Lileks' blog)
\_ How much worse is it than the second Matrix? I don't know, did
people really take the first Matrix that seriously? The second
movie entertained me, apart from some boring bits in the early
stages. I did't see it in the theater though and had rather low
expectations. Certainly there are far worse movies.
\_ Yeah, I really don't understand this visceral hatred people have
for the Matrix movies. It seems more hated than Lucas films,
which really are bad enough to earn it. The Matrix films really
seem to hit some sort of chord of hatred with people, it's the
oddest thing. -- liked 2nd matrix just fine
\_ The first one came out of nowhere and blew people away.
\_ Reaction to the Star Wars prequels have nothing to
do with artificially high expectations. They are
simply crappy films. The first Star Wars was before
Lucas was so certain of himself, so he would constantly
reflect and collaborate, and so came up with a very
good result. Ep. V and VI he (or the powers that be)
wisely had other people direct them. Lucas should
never direct his own stories again. I dare say he
should give up directing altogether. --scotsman
There was very little chance that a sequel was going to
capture the novelty of the original, but ppl were bound
and determined to catch the bus this time. When it turned
out to be only as novel as the first one (and not more
novel), that investment in catching the Next Big Thing
turned to resentment. *shrug* I'll still go see it at
the Parkway.
\_ I totally agree with this. People's expectations are
just too high. You people bitching about Matrix 2,3
are probably the same people bitching about Star Wars
prequels right?
\_ Reaction to the Star Wars prequels have nothing to
do with artificially high expectations. They are
simply crappy films. The first Star Wars was before
Lucas was so certain of himself, so he would constantly
reflect and collaborate, and so came up with a very
good result. Ep. V and VI he (or the powers that be)
wisely had other people direct them. Lucas should
never direct his own stories again. I dare say he
should give up directing altogether. --scotsman
\_ My expectations were pretty low going into #3, but
I was still disappointed. At the very least, I wanted
to be entertained by kickass action (like #1 and parts
of #2 (highway sequence)). The final fight was comical
at best, Niobe's sequence was okay, but everything in
\_ So godlike, it still took him several minutes to
defeat Merovingian's goons in Reloaded.
\_ Well, they also had special powers right? Weren't
they special rogue programs or whatever?
\_ Watched the first matrix, haven't watched the second
matrix. Do I need to watch it before seeing the third
matrix, or would it be bad movie * 2 ?
\_ Matrix 3 starts literally 10 minutes after 2 ends. You
will be so lost. Then again, you might be lost even if
you watched 2.
\_ John, you either don't watch a lot of movies, or you have a
tendency to exagerrate.
\_ I liked the first movie a lot. The second movie was one of the
\_ Maudib!
worst movies I've ever seen. I have not seen the third, but I
can imagine it is as bad as described since it was filmed at
the same time that the second one was. --dim
\_ The sad part is going on some message board filled with matrix
fanboys / apologists. Every negative comment is ripped to shreds,
inevitably with the argument "you just don't get it" or "you don't
appreciate the masterful complexity and depth and profoundness".
\_ A non-fanboy, non-"you don't get it", semi-positive review:
http://csua.org/u/4xr (Lileks' blog)
\_ How much worse is it than the second Matrix? I don't know, did
people really take the first Matrix that seriously? The second
movie entertained me, apart from some boring bits in the early
stages. I did't see it in the theater though and had rather low
expectations. Certainly there are far worse movies.
which really are bad enough to earn it. The Matrix films really
seem to hit some sort of chord of hatred with people, it's the
oddest thing. -- liked 2nd matrix just fine
\_ The first one came out of nowhere and blew people away.
There was very little chance that a sequel was going to
capture the novelty of the original, but ppl were bound
and determined to catch the bus this time. When it turned
out to be only as novel as the first one (and not more
novel), that investment in catching the Next Big Thing
turned to resentment. *shrug* I'll still go see it at
the Parkway.
Zion was pretty shitty. I never cared for the story and
background, and the last movie didn't do anything to
change that opinion.
\_ No way. They didn't use any of the elements that made
the first movie great. It's the Matrix! you can do
anything because it's a simluation! "We need guns" and
huge racks of guns roar out of the horizon! Suddenly you
know how to pilot a helicopter! None of that was in the
second movie and the third movie didn't even have any of
the phone imagery. Can you remember anything the
characters actually did IN the Matrix? No? that's because
only the fight scenes took place there! What's the point?
what makes this different from any other "and then stuff
blew up" summer movie? -brain
\_ Well, didn't Neo, like, transcend or something at the end
of M1? So he's godlike now in the Matrix. Although I
don't really follow the plot too well due to all the
inconsistencies. I decided I had to willfully suspend
disbelief in M1 anyway. M2 seemed like a reasonable
progression.
\_ So godlike, it still took him several minutes to
defeat Merovingian's goons in Reloaded.
\_ Well, they also had special powers right? Weren't
they special rogue programs or whatever?
\_ Watched the first matrix, haven't watched the second
matrix. Do I need to watch it before seeing the third
matrix, or would it be bad movie * 2 ?
\_ Matrix 3 starts literally 10 minutes after 2 ends. You
will be so lost. Then again, you might be lost even if
you watched 2. |
| 4/7 |
|
| csua.org/u/4xr -> www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/03/1103/110703.html I should note that I consider anything more detailed than a cast list a spoiler. But Id gotten the scent from the headlines and the message boards chatter: Matrix 3 was worse than 2. If you recall last springs review of 2: I thought it was a ponderous, boring mess. Sure, it had a certain buzz, but so does a beached flyblown whale carcass. The metaphysics were sophomoric, the acting stiff and pained, the action without consequence or drama. The FX, while amazing, were just a demo reel for new CGI programs. The machines had built this enormous civilization for themselves, and the guys down in the Rave Hole hadnt even figured out how to make decent shoes. Me, Id be begging for admission to the Matrix, but not Morpheus and crew: oh, no, youre not sending me back to the world of steak, tailored shirts, cigars and fine bourbon! Im staying right down here in the Temple of No Particular Deity with Cornell West and that guy who used to be in Night Stalker! The machines enslaved them, and made the Matrix so theyd have happy dreams and turn out lots of energy. The machines can build everything except nuclear power plants, it seems. Supposedly the war still goes on, but I dont know why the machines even bother with the human remnants. In M3 the machiens mass an astonishing invasion force, a million tons of angry tentacled metal. It would be easier to roll a stone over the ventilation ducts, wouldnt it? The machines have to attack and destroy Zion, so the machine world will be safe from their gravest threat: three dozen heavily armed acrobats in black trenchcoats and sunglasses. So I paid my five dollars and prepared for that unique sensation you get in modern movies: being bored while battered repeatedly in the head. You get that familiar creepy green, that tell-tale chord on the sountrack, and then youre back where you were with the credits in the second movie, flitting through the pixels. But this time there was something different the viewpoint zooms in, and in, and in, and a golden fractal blooms for a second; Thatll come, you figure, when we start talking about choice and destiny and belief and who is the One and all the rest of the stuff that gargled bong-water. I winced when we had Yet Another Metaphorical Character introduced - The Trainman, this time. He shuttles programs here and there, a real sensitive and charon kind of guy, etc. Last time we had the Keymaster, and I kept expecting Rick Moranis to show up. It was set in a train station purgatory, I suppose and it introduced a few characters who had no Great Meaning. They seemed like people, not archetypes, and right there I was reminded again what was wrong with the entire Matrix series. For all its hoohah about People, it has few individuals and very little humanity. The director wants us to fear him but who wouldnt want to knock back some cold ones with Agent Smith? Dont tell me the Merovingian would be fun to kick around with, because his entire persona is based on the sort of Frenchman whod only put down his copy of Existentialisme Pour Les Idiots because it was his turn to load the little kids into the SS train cars. Morpheus was fun enough in the first film, but he turned into a mopey doughnut. Because you said you had company coming over later, and I dont want to take them if youd intended them for someone else, so - You dont know what you want to do, child. But sometimes we do things we want to do, not knowing what we dont think we shouldnt. Now if youll excuse me, Im going to look away and smoke somewhat unconvincingly. Chalk it up to the same reasons I enjoyed SW: Episode 2 low, low, low expectations, matinee time frame, need for diversion, juvenile love of spectacle, guilty indulgence in sci-fi nonsense. Knowles is often held up as an example of New Media, one of those outsiders whove wrested the mike from the old tired media. Usually I support that sort of thing, but if ever there was an argument for restricting the role of Critic to the white-gloved aesthetes, the Lucius Beebes, the Jay Shermans, the guys who, yknow, have done it, with a laidy, nudge nudge, its Harry Knowles. His review of Matrix 3 proves that if you cant say something coherent, just say it in purple-tinted boldface 20-point Arial: You see, The Machines Theyre the United States and Capitalism. Ultimately they want society operating in the 9 to 5, eat your food, grab a movie, raise the kids, go to church and get back to work sort of daze. Dont worry about the MEANING OF IT ALL just do your job, be a battery and power the big society forward. No, Harry, the machines symbolize any organized society that lacks or denies free will. If you think thats the United States, then consider the number of times the authorities have come to your house, pried you off the sofa and put you to work in the steel mill. It takes a special kind of idiot to think that people who go to church and raise children dont worry about the Meaning of It All. Its not the banality of Knowles remark thats remarkable, its the fact that he holds himself out as someone who doesnt do the 9 to 5, raises kids, goes to church, and goes to work in a daze. He has a completely different life - made possible entirely by Capitalism, and the United States. Ultimately Neo, Morpheus, the rebel alliance essentially In a lot of ways theyre the bad guys. Neo is for his people basically, hes Bin Laden living in a cave somewhere Oh, my God. Now, the problem is the only person that can put a stop to The War on Terrorism are the terrorist. Essentially, Bin Laden has to come forward, tell his people theyll be ok, give himself up, negotiate a cease fire and allow his life to be the symbol of peaceful co-existence between both cultures. The Machines and The Humans The Capitalist and The Fundamentalist Extremists Get this man a seat on the Security Council. Only Bin Laden can make peace, if he agrees to be the symbol of peaceful co-existence between Capitalism and Humans. Communism was fantastic as it represents an ideology that the Capitalist and the Extremists both hated. And it was spreading and taking over and trying to assimilate cultures and suppress belief systems. Or you could say AGENT SMITH is that Born Again Christian type that is trying to eradicate anothers belief system and ultimately the elimination of both either politically, humanly or functionally is a move towards peace. If I can untangle the wet knotted shoelaces of Knowles prose, he seems to be saying that we can only live in peace when everyone agrees to believe in nothing but peace. Why, if we stop insisting that people should be free to choose, and they stop insisting that everyone should choose Islamic law, well all get along just fine . Ultimately, its about reaching understandings by which both sides can co-exist and live. The toil on both societies is counter-productive to co-habitation on this big green planet of ours. Or, more accurately, spoken like someone who thinks that line above demonstrates some sort of intellectual sophistication lost on people who do the whole work-kids-church thing. And if your society believes nothing it ends up making its last stand in the Temple of No Particular Belief System with the squiddies hammering on the door, possessed of a terrible certainty: they believe you should die. What gets you through your cold dark nights and hours of depression to that day in the sun well it may be entirely different from mine, but what doesnt work is governing by MESSIAHS positive or negative. Keep in mind this is a movie review about a movie where Keanu Reeves flies around and saves the world because he is, well, the Messiah. In any case, whos being governed by Messiahs on this big green planet of ours? Any self-appointed Messiahs out there addressing his Parliament, pushing through a new highway bill, smiting the unbelievers, extending the minimum wage? Why religion should stay out of governing bodies, and ultimately we should adopt a live and let live sort of way of life. Well tolerate the machines enslaving our species, and theyll tolerate our desire to live underground and hold raves. And the fighting, well as all good geeks that were raised with WARGAMES, the only... |