6/30   Massive case of motd bloat corrected.

7/1     July 11, all day at the Robert Austin computer show at the Cow
        Palace, the CABAL presents a Linux installfest.  Bring your
        computer for latest RedHat/various or consulting, or enjoy the
        hardware vendors there and take home a new machine.  -- schoen
        \_ Is this the same day as that livestock festival?  Am I going
           to be surrounded by computer geeks?  Curse you and your
           technology!  COWS AND SHEEP SHALL STOP YOUR PUNY SHOW!

7/1

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> You are standing in front of a white house with boarded up windows and

> doors. All around you is forest.
>
> There is a mailbox here.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > Shoot mailbox.
}
} Unfortunately, your gun is actually a transmogrifier.  The mailbox
} turns into a pony intent on oral-genital intimacy with you.
}
} > Run.
}
} Outrunning a pony is rather difficult.  You trip and fall.  The pony
} rips off your pants.
}
} > Kick pony.
}
} The pony deftly dodges your kick.  You wind up with the pony's head
} between your legs.  The pony slurps once.
}
} > Stab pony.
}
} Your knife is actually a hypodermic needle containing aphrodesiacs.
} The pony is already at maximum lust level.  The pony slurps twice.
} You moan.
}
} > Hit pony.
}
} With what?  Your bare hands?
}
} > Yes.
}
} You hit the pony, but it only moans.  The pony slurps once.  You moan
} twice.
}
} > Think about England.
}
} You think about England, but all you can think of is the horses there.

} The pony slurps twice.  You moan three times.  You are now close to
} orgasm.
}
} > Teleport.
}
} You cannot teleport.  The pony slurps once.  You orgasm with a loud
} scream.  The pony moves away.
}
} > Get up.
}
} You are now the pony's sex slave.  You cannot get up without a direct
} order.  The pony orders you to get up.
}
} > Stay still.
}
} Your penalty for disobeying the pony is one lick.  You moan once.
}
} > Get up.
}
} You follow the pony to a clothes closet.  The pony tells you to get
} dressed.  The closet contains:
}   - A silken negligee.
}   - A pair of cowboy boots.
}   - A pair of split-crotch riding pants
}   - A riding crop
}
} > quit
}
} You cannot quit.  This is real life.
}
} > quit
}
} Sorry. If you attempt to quit again, you will be punished.
}
} > ^C
}
} Your penalty for attempting to quit is four licks.  You scream and
} writhe in orgasm.
}
} > Damn you you fucking computer my pants are all sticky and I want to
} > go home NOW.
}
} The pony tells you to get dressed or suffer a further penalty.

7/1     "If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box
        crashed...wait a minute.  He does."    - Phil Proctor
        \_ $45 billion...That comes out to 450 billion crashes.  Sounds
           about right.

7/1      Anyone know the URL to the news article about they guy who is
        wearing c cup breast implants for a year on a bet ?
        \_ Dunno the URL, but the latest issue of Maxim magazine has an
           article + pictures. The bet was for $100k.
        \_ "I could never be a woman . . . if I were, I'd just stay home
            all day and play with my breasts."
               -- Steve Martin's character in _LA Story_